Sunday, 12 February 2012

Fat boy mugger, drunken ex wife & Madonna

What a busy night! I'll break this down a bit, there's loads.

I begin sedately playing a computer game where I am riding a horse, it's no ordinary game as it becomes interactive and the horse jumps from screen into the room.

I'm next leaving a supermarket and I'm about to get onto my motorbike when a really fat boy approaches me holding a knife, I start to shout 'Get away' and push my motorbike at him. I woke momentarily at this point but soon drifted back to sleep having for once not disturbed my wife. Incidentally I can't ride a motorbike.

I next for some obscure reason decided to allow my ex wife lodge in our spare room. She gets drunk and starts being abusive and insulting.
I punch her full on in the face knocking her out cold. Boy that felt good.

The next part of my slumber I spend as a council employee in charge of checking fly tipping behind tenants houses. I'm looking at a load of old mattresses discarded when another household starts shouting abuse from over their fence. I go over to confront them and notice that their BBQ has exploded and the house is now well ablaze. Panic ensues as frightened drunken people flee the blaze. I hear a girl screaming from within the house. I enter with no thought of my own safety and rescue said girl. I'm applauded as a hero. (hooray for me).

Next I find myself on a very thin ledge high up on the side of a building along with two very attractive females. I decide I want to get off as I'm feeling very unsteady on the flimsy ledge.
I follow one of the females who cartwheels off the ledge, I grip on for dear life and just manage to get off avoiding plummeting to certain death.
As I get off I turn into International singing star, Madonna.
We both then start to dance and sing off into the distance crossing over London Bridge.

In the final part of my busy sleep, I am attempting to buy a former village Post Office from a Chinese couple. I secure the property and convert it into a themed restaurant.
My wife and I are sitting in the old post office chatting to our manager about employing staff when we tell him we are engaged, slightly odd in that we are married. The manager shakes our hands and tells the barman to open the most expensive champagne on the menu. Cheeky sod, I own the place, that's cost me!


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