Wednesday, 22 February 2012

Yellow woman & mattress head

I was showing my friend Jo my new air rifle and unbeknown to me she happens to be a firearms expert. You think you know someone. Jo informs me that I have in fact purchased a genuine weapon that fires real bullets and I have an illegal gun. Oh dear.

I next have invited some of 'the lads' round to watch a 'Lads' film. I don't recognise any of them and they soon leave being greatly disappointed when my choice of movie turns out to be a naked woman in a bath of yellow paint.

I have left my house and I'm now running down the street as fast as I can balancing a mattress on my head. It's a single bed size as a double one would be unmanageable and just daft.
I not surprisingly bump into a few people, one of which is a skinny boy who is bare chested. He begins to protest at me so I pull a small drawing pin from my pocket and push it into his chest.
As the boy squeals in pain I punch him in the head knocking him unconscious, all whilst still balancing the mattress on my head.
I start to run again, gathering more speed as I go. Suddenly I'm on top of a large building and run straight off the edge falling to the concrete pavement below.
Fortunately, one of the benefits of carrying a mattress on your head is that it provides excellent padding should you happen to fall from a tall building.
I bounce back up, reposition my oversized head protector and continue running. As I gather more and more speed, heavy metal music plays getting louder as I run.
I look to my side and see the skinny boy running along side me, as I watch him he transforms into a skinny dog.
I run ever faster, the music gathering speed and volume, I hit a tree full on in the face and there is an explosion of leafs.
There is silence, I open my eyes to find myself in my old childhood bedroom. I climb in under the blankets and drift off to sleep.
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