Tuesday, 31 July 2012

Kenny Everett game show

Again I appear to be looking for my dad. He has been departed for several years now so always nice to see him in my sleep.

A supervisor from my work called Warren was being extremely helpful in helping me locate my dad. We were sat in the office and Warren was calmly going through all the possible locations I could find him but I had the realisation that Warren thought he was still alive. But I didn't tell him.

I next find myself on a game show along with other members of my family but not my dad.
I'm standing behind an illuminated table with our family name on it, not dissimilar to Family Fortune.

The difference being, the host is zany entertainer Kenny Everett.
Kenny is jumping and prancing about and being generally manic.

No one seems to know the game rules or indeed care too much.

Monday, 30 July 2012

Rock n roll train

I was with my mum and we were on our way to see my dad.
Going to the railway station we sat down on what I can only describe as an invisible train.

Really looking forward to seeing my dad we happily sat in the open air as the train twisted and turned on the track.

As we traveled, Rock n Roll music was blasting out, which was always dads favourite.
After some time we arrived in my mums living room without seeing dad.
I was sat half way up the wall on a shelf with my nephew Jimmy and we both looked down at my nieces, Amy and Jemma.

I'm sure I'll met dad another time.

Sunday, 29 July 2012

Exploding dead woman & giant Fudge

I walked towards a house with a dead woman standing at the entrance door. Although she was deceased, she was looking fairly well.
I entered the house and it was a wash with a brilliant white light, so bright I couldn't see.

The woman due to being dead wasn't able to enter the house, no idea why but as I walked back outside I pushed my hand towards her shooting a bolt of blue light, hitting her in the chest.
The woman was launched into the air over a cliff and exploded in mid air.

I'm next at my mums house watching a TV programme about repairing miniature steam trains. A mix of all those trash day time programmes, Trains in the Attic, come steam with me.

Lastly I was getting dressed in a sweet shop, putting on horse riding clothes.
A man wheeled in a trolley with a giant fudge bar on it. It was about 4 foot long.
The fudge bar started to wriggle and I could see a small child inside the wrapper struggling to get out.

Saturday, 28 July 2012

Mexican bad ass at the BBC

For the whole of my dreaming cycles last night I was a wanted man.
I don't know what I'd done, but I was being hunted by the law.

To avoid being detected I cunningly opted for the overt method of hiding.
I was out in a packed pub with a work colleague who I refer to as the lone wolf, but that's another story.

My plan was going well until several off duty police officers picked the same location for an after work drink.
I ducked out the back door and away.

My next plan to remain at large was to disguise myself as a Mexican bandit.
With a huge fake tash, sombrero and a poncho, I cleverly boarded a bus full of other Mexicans.
The bus entered the headquarters of the BBC and I laughed to myself as I entered, confident that I'd possibly found the best hiding place ever.

I found myself in a locker room, I opened a locker and found an i phone on the shelf. It started playing music and I started to do a happy dance.
A very attractive female walked in her underwear and just as I thought my day was getting even better, she said to me, 'Nice hiding place, your in court this afternoon', whilst holding up her police ID.

Damn it!

Friday, 27 July 2012

Bed hunt & football violence

I start by exiting Becontree London underground station on the District line.
Turning right and crossing the road to walk down the hill past the parade of shops, I start to count the number of empty closed businesses. I reach 6 by the time I get to bottom if the hill.

I am next entering a bed & Breakfast with my wife and her friend Maz. The beds are quickly claimed and before I know it my wife and her best mate are tucked up and fast asleep.
I walk through another door in search of a bed, I see one that someone has already slept in, it's vacant but I won't get in it as its not clean.

After hours of searching, exhausted and in need of sleep, I collapse on the floor in the passageway and start to snore.

Finally I'm at a football match with my wife. A small game as we are pitch side on the white line.
Two players fall to the ground in a tussle for the ball and they start to roll around the floor fighting. The referee is watching but does nothing. We both shout at him to stop the fight.
One of the players stands up and begins to stamp repeatedly on the head of the other man. He's studded boot, ripping his face open in a blooded mess.

Finally the ref raises his red card at the assailant and then walks away leaving him to continue his frenzied attack.
Applaud by this, we leave the game discussing it as we walk.

The violence still continuing and the game carrying on.

Thursday, 26 July 2012

Laundry firework display

I didn't realise until I woke up that my sleeping brain had matched a song to the visual part of my dream.
The song has been in my head previously when I slept, it was Katy Perry's 'Firework'.

I was in a garden at night, there was a rotary washing dryer in the middle of the lawn. It was full of clothes that were all grey.
Carefully I took a small barrel of gunpowder and starting at the base of the dryer I carefully started to tip out a trail of powder, walking backwards away towards the house.

When I was a suitable distance away I struck a match and lit the end of the gunpowder. It fizzled and came to life, rapidly sparking its way towards the rotary dryer.
Reaching the dryer the whole thing ignited into a mass of colours and the washing turned into exploding fireworks, shooting into the sky and bursting in the sky above.

Just before I woke with the cleverly linked Katy Perry song, I was walking around a packed city centre at night, I was wearing two policeman's custodian helmets with a hooded top over the top of them. This made me look like a long headed freak standing about 7 feet tall.

Wednesday, 25 July 2012

Higher love

Bring me a higher love.
Thats all I'm left with today, the 1986 song from Steve Winwood. It's playing in my head as I was rudely awoken by my dog licking my face.

The track is from his solo album 'Back in the high life'
Never been a fan and couldn't name another song he did without looking it up.

Tuesday, 24 July 2012

Dog op & basketball bin

I spent the first part of my dream operating on a dog. I have no idea who's beloved pet I was cutting up but I took it to pieces like an electrical item and then realised I had no idea how to put it back together again!
Bet I would have had some bits left over too, isn't that always the way.

Lastly I was at a basketball court and had hired it to play a game. I was given an invisible ball to play with and I was waving my hand up and down like I was bouncing a ball.

After a while of getting nowhere I decided to use a waste paper basket as a ball.
You wouldn't think this would work that well but I manage to slam dunk it into the net.

Monday, 23 July 2012

Attic jigsaw

Last night was a single scene of an attic.
Along with several other people who I have never seen before, I was cutting sections of supporting beams out of the roof.

It was dark, dusty and very hot and I could feel the sweat running down my back.
After what seemed like hours of painstaking removal of the timber supports, we all have the realisation that the roof is in danger of collapse.

I the spent the remainder of the dream, putting all the beams back together like a giant jigsaw puzzle, waking as the last piece slotted into place.

I'm sure I had a previous dream about cutting out attic supports?

I looked this up and got the following:

To see an attic in your dream is a symbol of once buried recollections that are now rising to the surface. It also represents your ability to merge your unconscious, conscious, your physical being.

Sunday, 22 July 2012

Lost naked man

I started off by being at a function at a community hall of some kind. The sort of cheap entertainment organised for an old persons birthday or anniversary.
Plastic chairs, finger buffet and bring your drink.

I walked into the toilet and found a mobile phone on the floor, which I decided to keep.
Attempting to get back into the hall I found that I had been locked out, so I start to walk home.
After a shirt distance I notice an old man tagging behind me. I ignore him and go home and get into the bath fully clothed and start to wash my boots.

I then notice the same old man sitting at the other end of the bath and he is naked.
Disturbed by this I get out and take him home. I find a house, open the door and push the still naked old timer into the address.
As I leave a very spooky looking young girl is staring at me outside of another house. I enter this house, get into bed and just as I drift off to sleep I feel the sensation of my hat being lifted off my head.
This actually wakes me for real and I turn over saying, 'What the ....', to see a sleeping wife and puppy.

Off to sleep again I am woken by a supervisor from work called Alan Bradshaw. Alan is nudging his son and telling him it's 6am and he has to clean his teeth, tie his shoe laces and pack his school bag. Not surprisingly the boy starts to cry.

Alan's wife enters the room and my wife and I are yawning at Alan telling his son off. Alan upon his wife entering says, 'Lady Bradshaw is here, get up'.
Confused I start to stretch as my wife grabs my dressing gown and laughs knowing I am naked and unable to get out of bed.

I don't have a hat.

Saturday, 21 July 2012

Giants & drug dealers

The very first sight in my dream was that of a giant woman. Not just very tall but a real gigantic size, she was at least the size of a two storey house.
I woke, wrote 'giant woman' on my phone and fell back to Sleep.

I was driving to my mums house in a white transit van. It was night and I found a space to park. Manoeuvring the van into a space I notice I'm across a driveway and park further along, taking ages. After carefully going back and forth happy that I'm tight to the curb, I get out and as I look back to admire my parking skills, I see that it's in the middle of the road!

I'm next in a flat moving in all the furniture. It's not my home but I appear to know the occupants and I'm helping them move in.
After putting all the furniture in place I realise I've got rolls of carpet that should have gone down first.
I throw them out of the window to the street below.

A female comes in the flat and says she isn't living there as the flat above is the home of a drug dealer.
I then start to remove all the furniture again and as I do so I notice my cat is an Alsatian, a full size dog with my cats face.

Finally I was at work and my friend Kev walked in looking as if he hadn't slept for weeks. His face is pale and his eyes are black and puffy.
Our supervisor tells him he can't have any more time off as his already been off a month.

Friday, 20 July 2012

'armless drink

Last day time sleep, so hopefully normality for me will return tonight.

A vague memory today of stretching out my arm trying to grab hold of something but when I looked down I had no arm.
The distress of losing a limb woke me and my numb arm that I'd been laying on was outstretched.

Seizing the opportunity to take hold of my drink at my bedside, the unruly arm failed to respond to the instruction and knocked the glass spilling fruit squash

Thursday, 19 July 2012

Body parts & Pac Man

Starting off I was looking for something, or even someone. Not sure but I was intent on searching until I discovered what I wanted.

Looking through rooms in a bed & breakfast, I discover severed body parts that have been brutally hack up and deposited with no attempt to hide them.

My search continues out in the streets where I appear to be floating just above the ground as I glide effortlessly in ordered straight lines like a human Pac Man.

I stop and talk to the landlord of the B & B and he tells me that everyone living there ran away when I turned up.
I eye him with suspicion but carry on with my search.

Wednesday, 18 July 2012

Knock down ginger

There are a couple of named variations that i know of, to the childhood game of what is in effect, knocking on someone's front door and running away just as they open it.
Knock and run and the one I played as a kid, knock down ginger.
You may have your own name for the entertainment that has amused children for years. But mine was that.

My dream was the nocturnal equivalent, where I was constantly replying to a knock on my door, with frustratingly no one there every time.
I looked up and down the street, my only sight, a deserted sunny road.

This seemed to go on the entire time I slept. The last occasion as I woke, I popped my head out the door and shouted, 'Terrorists!'

Tuesday, 17 July 2012


Just started a run of working night shifts so true to form I crashed into a coma upon hitting my pillow at 07.30 this morning.

The only sound was the whirl of the fan cooling my exhausted body as I lay unconscious, resemblant of tumbleweed rolling across the otherwise silent desert of my bedroom.

I'll aim for a cheeky late afternoon snooze later and see if my tired brain has any activity.

Monday, 16 July 2012

War tank & motorcycle cuddle

I was firstly on a cruise ship that had a massive water filled glass tank on a lower deck that I was looking into through a viewing window. Sat at the bottom of the tank was a helicopter that had crashed during the war.
No indication which war but it was rusted and broken.

I watched as the heli suddenly started to raise up and shot into the air above the ship. As it came down again it had turned into a truck and it crashed and rolled several times in my back garden.

I was in my dressing gown and I peered over the wall that overlooks my courtyard and climbed over sitting in the corner behind my car.
Then hundreds of people appeared all with cameras taking photos of my house.
I just kept perfectly still not wishing to be seen.

Lastly I was at work with my friend Kyle and we were unable to find a works vehicle. The only thing left was a small 125cc motorcycle. We get on and Kyle sits behind me and cuddles me.
Driving through the early morning streets we pass Kyle's house and his dog starts to bark.
It starts to rain and we decide to go back in to get a big van.

Kyle walks into an office where we don't recognise anyone and he is informed that we have been taken over by a company from Hertfordshire.

Bad times.

Sunday, 15 July 2012

Frightening wee

Clearly I actually needed the toilet whilst I slept as the need to pee took over my dream.

Always worrying that I can visualise myself going for a pee and it feels very real. I haven't wet the bed so far and hopefully that will never happen.

Not sure where the toilet was that I was using but I stood relieving myself with the accompanying sound of, 'ahhhhh', as I did so.

Suddenly I heard a female coughing directly next to my ear. I was so alarmed I peed over the floor and shot bolt upright in bed.

As I woke my wife was coughing in her sleep.
I got up for real and went to the toilet. Without going 'ahhhhh'.

Saturday, 14 July 2012

Naked windmill circles

Two rather brief recollections from last nights slumber.
The first being a black limo driving in slow motion down the street towards me.
When it reached my position it stopped, all the windows were blacked out and the rear one slowly lowered.
Looking inside I saw a naked female sitting provocatively on the rear seat.

The second part involved me being high above a field. No idea how I was up in the sky, I may have even been floating.
As I look below me the crops have been cut into windmill shapes and the sails were actually turning like a huge crop circle on acid.

Friday, 13 July 2012

Cable penis & serial killers

I was in prison last night, I must have been the new guy as a huge man by the name of big Tony was acting like he ran the place.
Clearly intimidated by him I did as I was told, which was to cut the top of my own penis off with a pair of wire cutters.
As I did this I noticed that my penis was made of electrical cable and clipping the top off exposed the wires.

Next I am teaching my wife to be a crack shot with a high powered rife.
She expertly shoots out the minute hand on a clock that is about a mile away via a telescopic lens attached to the rifle.

Finally I walk into a room and find a drunk man covered in blood and hugging a clearly dead guy. I recognise that he's dead due to his throat being cut.
I wake the drunk man and tell him I'm calling the police.

I open the door of the room and enter straight out into a shopping centre.
A work colleague called Franky Knuckles is out with his Son and I approach him and tell him I have caught a serial killer.

Franky is totally unimpressed and continues shopping.
Oh well.

Thursday, 12 July 2012

Kindly turn it down

I was walking in the street, an unknown street to me. I approached a block of four apartments and could hear extremely loud music coming from the block.

I entered the building, established that the music was from one of the upstairs flats and run to the front door.
Banging my fist on the door was pointless as the music was drowning out any other sound.

With a well placed right footed boot to the door I was in and searching the place for the source if the noise.
A young female was standing in the entrance door to the kitchen and I tell her to turn the music off.
She just smiles at me which annoys me further.

Grabbing her by the throat I drag her through the flat to the front door and throw her backwards down the stairs.
She slides head first on her back to the foot of the stairs and as she stops at the bottom her breasts fall out.

I turn the music off, calmly walk down stepping over the exposed female and out into the street.
As I pass a shop window I notice that I am totally bald with just one strand of hair sticking up on top of my shinny head.

Wednesday, 11 July 2012

Tangled web of Jazz

I start last night by knocking on the front door of an old lady who has been burgled.
She lets me in and I ask her what her name is but she has trouble recalling it.
In the next room some Jazz music starts to play. The old lady says, 'John turn that off please'
John, whoever he is ignores her and turns the volume up so loud the room vibrates and my chest is thumping.

I again ask the old lady her name but she just annoys me by not remembering and I hate Jazz music, so I leave. As I exit the door I become entangled in the speaker wires.

Next I am at the bottom of my Nan's old back garden which was at least 100 feet long. I find that I've gone into next doors garden and as I climb through the fence back into Nan's I become entangled in string.
Hearing a large dog barking and getting closer to me I panic but just get more tied up and hang there like doomed fly in a spiders web.

I then find myself on the inside of a house with someone knocking on the door. I can see a females silhouette through the frosted glass on the upper part of the door.
I have the hood up over my head of my top and think it best to take it off before opening the door.

I try pulling it off my head but it's stuck, looking in the mirror I see that it has melted and moulded itself to my head and face leaving me with a permanent grey cotton head.

Tuesday, 10 July 2012

Evading the law in PJs

All about work colleagues last night, all of which I know but don't directly work with.
Firstly John Richardson is in my house and was threatening to tell the world that my name wasn't Maximus and that I had a girls name.
I couldn't allow this to happen or to allow him to leave.
I beat John within an inch of his life, thus ensuring his silence.

Next I am on the run from the coppers, racing out of a building and onto the street I can hear the sirens getting louder behind me.
I wasn't able to melt into the crowds of people as I was in red striped pyjamas.

Reaching my house I saw Andy Coop dressed in police uniform. Thinking the game was up, I stopped running. Andy winked at me and told me keep going.
I ran into my house, met by my wife looking concerned.
I shouted, 'I've been here all night, right'.

Finally I was at the underground station near to my mums house with the lady from my local village shop challenging a very tall shoplifter.
Being the good citizen I intervene but the thief made good his escape.

Running out into the street we are suddenly in the countryside. I am losing ground on him and he vanishes into a hedge.
I pass Paul Feane who I shout to grab him but he let's him pass him.

Jumping into the hedge I see him across the field. I run like an Olympic sprinter. I catch him jump on him and hold him down.
Paul arrives drops his trousers and sticks his bare arse in the shoplifters face.

Monday, 9 July 2012

Special fight

Slightly sensitive in that my dream involved two men with clear mental problems.
It's a dream and I have no control over it, so I'm not being derogatory towards anyone.

The two men were both really tall and extremely stocky, what would sometimes be referred to as a gentle giant. Only these two were in no way being gentle.

Both men were standing toe to toe and were punching each other in the head. As they did so they were laughing like simpletons as their faces swelled up and blood splattered everywhere.

An old lady was standing watching this and I approached her and saw that she was crying.
I said, 'Why don't you stop them?'
Wiping away a tear, she told me that she is tired of looking after them and is too old now.

I walked away leaving the sad old lady watching the two men beat each other to a pulp.

Sunday, 8 July 2012

Catch me

I placed my extremely tired head into the pillow upon arriving home this morning and not unusually fell to sleep in an instant.

I suddenly was falling, arms and legs flapping as I plummeted in a downward spiral.
I opened my eyes just before hitting the floor and must have shouted as my wife was looking at me with a puzzled expression.

After mumbling something about what happened, I was asleep again.
Next thing I was aware of was I had a purring cat sat on my chest and a cup of tea on the bedside cabinet and it was 6 hours later.

Saturday, 7 July 2012

DVD bargain

Once again a bus has involvement in my dream.
I was initially on the bus but it stopped in the road, unable to pass some roadworks.
I got out into the street just in time to see a huge tractor drive into the front of the bus pushing it backwards. The wheels smoking, fighting against the force of the farm vehicle.

As a contrast, I'm next looking through hundreds of DVDs in a shop.
After hours of searching I run out of the shop waving a film in the air shouting, "Woo hoo, what a bargain!"

No idea what the film was but I have recently purchased, in my real waking life, series one of Dexter from e bay.

Friday, 6 July 2012

Mermaid fishing

Spent hours driving looking for an address in the city of Peterborough last night. I had been given directions but they just wasn't making sense.

I am flagged down by a distressed female who asks me to get her boyfriend out of her house.
When I ask where I am, I told I'm in Southampton!
Wishing to be helpful I climb some stairs towards the front door of her house and I'm passed by an angry looking man.

Not thinking to ask who he is, I reach the top of the stairs only to look down and see the man punching the female. Oops.

I'm next at the harbour side looking onto a fishing boat. There is a mermaid tangled up in the fish nets, along with two child mermaids.
A news report is playing in my head and I hear the reporter saying about the amazing discovery of a mermaid family at Southampton docks.

Thursday, 5 July 2012

Granny's exploding foot

Starting off, I'm at my mums with my wife. We are sleeping but get disturbed by the drunken shouting of a female from the garden.
When we go outside, my younger sister is very drunk and singing. We both have a go at her and she is very remorseful and goes to bed.

I then find myself sitting at the top of a wall inside the house that has a square cut out so that I can see into the adjoining room.
Looking down as I dangle a leg into either room, my wife is on the bed asleep but is shouting and throwing her arms about having a vivid dream.
She is so animated that she falls onto the floor.

Next I'm watching as people gather into a church. One of them is an old lady on a mobility scooter.
As they are all assembled the doors burst open and an exact double of the old lady on the same scooter races down the aisle.

The speeding old lady is holding a severed foot that she throws at the other old lady who catches it.
It explodes killing everyone and blows the church up.

Lastly just prior to waking up, I was jet washing my dog.
My dog was really unhappy at this and was kicking off to say the least.

Wednesday, 4 July 2012

Wonder woman belly slide

Quite a lot going on last night, starting with me squirting shaving foam everywhere and then getting into a sleeping bag. As I drift off to sleep surrounded by foam, the door opens and a boy with downs syndrome hands me a McDonalds coffee.

I'm next sorting through my old clothes and making a pile for keeping and one for throwing out.
I'm left with a huge pile to go and one cardigan that belonged to my grandad, it's very old and full of holes. My dad chooses a coat from the to go pile and tries it on smiling.

Finally my wife and myself are at work at night in a huge empty room. The place is vast and has a highly polished wooden floor.
I run and belly flop, sliding across the room. My wife not wishing to miss out, spins on the spot, turns into Wonder woman, (Lynda Carter version), and also does a belly slide.

Having great fun seeing who can slide the furthest we don't notice the boss enter the room. Doh!

I still do have my granddads cardigan, it's 50 years old.

Tuesday, 3 July 2012

Budgie keys & hairy food

Recently I have been having occasions when I am unsure if I'm asleep or awake.
Last night thinking I was being tickled by my wife as I slept, I opened my eyes to see that she was asleep.
I went to move and realised I was frozen, unable to even move a finger.

I then try to shout out but no sound emits from my mouth.
I keep trying to call out, my body paralysed, eventually I scream out loud which is the exact same time I wake my wife who once again has to grab hold of me is as she is also woken.

Drifting back to Sleep with my heart pounding I dream straight away.
My wife places a bunch of keys on a large oak table and tells me they belong to the budgie.

Lastly I was in my childhood bedroom, my mum brought my dinner up to me and I start to eat it but keep noticing long black hairs in it, pulling them out I discard them on the floor.

I then start to change for school, knowing I have PE as my lesson. PE being physical exercise as it was called in my school days.

I pull on a long pair of red football socks but over the top of my normal black socks. I then take the black socks off whilst still keeping the red ones on, which was very tricky.
I then put my football boots into a small plastic carrier bag and skip off to school.

By the way, I don't own a budgie.

Monday, 2 July 2012

Zulus & sleep walking

I actually had a momentary head nod whilst at work which resulted in a vision of a baby wearing a crash helmet. I woke with a start much to the amusement of my colleague.

Home this morning and straight to sleep and onto the battlefield.
Michael Caine was taking on the Zulus and I was standing next to him as he shouted orders.
He looked directly at me and hollered, 'Shoot them man'.

It all became a bit odd then as I laid in bed looking up at the clouds passing over the skylight.
Odd in that I do have a skylight and I wasn't sure if I was awake watching this.
I turned over to see my wife sleeping and then started saying how lovely the white fluffy clouds were.

Then needing to pee I put on my dressing gown walked downstairs and into the toilet.
Whilst going about my business I realised I was asleep as I don't have a downstairs.
I looked at the boiler which had a sign on it, as I read the words are spoken in a mans voice, 'waiting for parts, estimated to arrive in four days'.

I opened the door and my wife is standing there and I go back to bed.
Waking up needing the toilet, I put on my wife's dressing gown, walk to the toilet, (on the same floor), and stand there wondering if I was really awake.

I was, am? I think, maybe this is all a dream?

Sunday, 1 July 2012

Dangerous dog

As with many occasions sleeping during the day, I tend to be in a coma with little brain activity.

I had the song Jar of Hearts constantly playing in my head and the vision of a dog that for some unknown reason I believed was dangerous.

When I say dangerous, it was a medium sized brown dog just sitting doing nothing to even suggest that it could cause anyone a problem.

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