Friday, 31 August 2012

Monkey death warning

Oddly I'd only commented to my wife last night that I hadn't killed anyone in my dreams for a while.
As if a message was registered in my Brain there I was hiding under a table with a sword.

A man walks past me and I run the sword into his chest, up to the handle, protruding the blade out the back of his spine. I watch his dying breath and remove the weapon.

Knowing there are more men on the floor above me, I put my victim into the elevator and send the body up to them as a warning along with a small monkey to operate the buttons.
As the bell pings and the doors open the others are met by a blooded corpse with a primate sat on him.

The last part of my dream involved me pulling up outside a shop in a VW camper van with my mum. She stayed in the van to use the toilet while I played a fruit machine that was in the shop window, using hessian dollar bills as cash.

I put one in and there suddenly appeared a hand written note in my handwriting saying, 'Out of order'.
I ask a very fat shop assistant for a refund and he hands me a giant packet of cigarette papers.

Thursday, 30 August 2012

Sly Stallone, you're going down!

After talking in my sleep initially last night asking my wife why she wanted the oven on I started to dream about playing a game on my phone.
It was a ninja fighting game that I was really good at but was playing it whilst sat on the loo.

I'm next in my mums kitchen with my wife discussing mums neighbours looking after our dog. Only problem with that is that they are both deceased. I am washing up his chew bones in the sink as we try to get around the dilemma of asking dead people to dog sit.

I next find myself at the portcullis to a castle. There is a old jaguar car parked across the entrance.
I ring an intercom and the person inside says I can come in but Sylvester Stallone can't.

Looking around I can't see anyone else but then from out of a wheat field walks actor Sylvester Stallone. Sly is looking good with his shirt off, like he did for the Rocky films and not the old wrinkly has been he is now.

Knowing I can't allow him into the castle I decide the best course if action is to knock him unconscious.
Approaching Sly I am half his size and ask him to bend down so I can reach him. He oddly does as I ask and I punch him as hard as I can in the face.
Nothing! Not even a blink and just he stares at me.

Undaunted I continue to punch him repeatedly until finally be is out cold. Luckily he didn't fight back I guess.

Lastly I notice that water is pouring from the ceiling in my house, rushing upstairs to the bathroom I find that the room is completely empty and there is no leak.
Odd, given that I don't have an upstairs?

Wednesday, 29 August 2012

Harry Hill & the she/he

I like Harry Hill. In my dream he was very helpfully trying to assist a post operative transgender male locate a lost book on tigers.
The she he, (female to male), was upset that the book was missing as he had borrowed it and the person lending it required it back.

Harry took she he onto a building site to look for it and found several mini Harry Hills all dressed as policemen.
Unable to find the book they returned to she he's apartment where they find it on the bookshelf.

Harry turns to a camera and says, "What are the chances of that happening!"

Tuesday, 28 August 2012

Restaurant captive

I was working in a restaurant but not voluntarily, I was a prisoner being forced to carry out my punishment in the kitchen.

There was no way out and the only door was guarded by a man in a motorised wheelchair.
I moved a huge jar of honey that spilt over the top as I did so. I stirred the contents with a ladle and spooned out a heart shaped biscuit which made me smile momentarily.

I was then in my captive sleeping quarters, a small plasterboard room with just a bed in it.
I could hear the wheelchair man outside the door and knew there was no escape. I looked under the covers and I had spilt my cereal bowl over the sheet.

Back in the kitchen I notice it's the last day of August on the calendar. I find a sheet of paper with the alphabet peel off letters on it.
Whilst wheelchair man isn't looking I peel off and stick on September the word 'shit'.

Monday, 27 August 2012

Hotel strange

I thought as I pieced the different elements of my brain activity together, that it was all just completely random events.
But after reading my notes made during the night, it all took place in a hotel.

Firstly I was watching TV in a hotel room with my wife, however our view was obscured by three female midgets wearing all in one sleep suits.
I left and entered another room knowing that the occupant was out.

I searched the wardrobe and found a big box which had hidden within, very smart clothing, Jewellery along with the biggest diamond ring I'd ever seen.
I put it back and left.

I then found that I was face down seated at a desk fast asleep.
I heard a voice calling my name and looked up to see that I was in an empty classroom. I got up walked out and discovered I was on the roof of the hotel.

In my head I knew that some murders had taken place at the hotel and I set about trying to solve them.
I found some parts of a concrete gargoyle broken on the roof top floor. I pieced then together on the edge of the roof and noticed that when assembled it was a head rest from a Ford Focus car.

Finally and still on the roof I find a tv and video machine. Pushing play I watch a show that gives away the identity of the murderer and it is deceased actor John Mills.
Pleased that I solved the crimes I don't notice his elderly wife walking past me with a blood stained knife in her hand.

She is smiling and humming happily to herself.

Sunday, 26 August 2012


Walking in the countryside I appeared in the back garden of my Mother in Law, passing around the side of the house into the street I looked for my car.
I was struggling to locate it as it was very dark and my car is black. Eventually I spot it and the front of it
has been hit and the number plate is hanging off.
Looking at the back I notice that it's only half the length it used to be.

I start to shout out to my wife asking her to wake me up so that I can get away from the dream. I lay on the floor and whilst continuing to shout I roll my face in gravel, getting it imprinted into my face.
My wife at this point does actually wake me as I'm shouting in my Sleep.

Upon sleeping again I'm watching Dr Who in black and white on a very old TV at mums house.
Oddly it's all playing out in slow motion and suddenly ends without conclusion of the storyline.
The voice over man informs me to turn over to BBC2 for the second part.

Finally I'm running through London being chased by persons unknown.
I pass actor Ross Kemp who is a doorman at a shop. He glances up at me and tries to look menacing.
Dashing into a building I descend some stone stairs and can hear footsteps gaining on me.

I burst into a door and an African family are seated watching TV. Not one of them lifts an eyebrow at my entrance.
I hide behind the curtains and looking at my feet showing at the bottom, I levitate so that they can't be seen.
I also appear to have turned into a woman.

I come out of hiding when the danger has passed and notice Bear our ginger cat sleeping on the sofa but he is pure white.
I take a photo of him to show my wife.

Saturday, 25 August 2012

The beast within

I was at my mums house, which I haven't been for a while, both physically and in my sleep.
Mum was cleaning an old wooden writing bureau and it tipped over landing face down.

Looking at the back of it I noticed a secret compartment, upon pulling open a panel I found a beer tankard which had been engraved with the number 1950. I instantly knew that my dad had hidden it there in that year.

Walking off down the street happy that dad had made contact with me in a round about way, I noticed an Asian man who appeared to be in trouble. He was staggering about and I noticed a large knife nearby and concerned that he may fall on it, I tried to move it.

Just as I went to move to it the man grabbed the blade and thrust it into my stomach. I struggle to get my breath and look at the man and ask, "Why?"
The man replies, "I thought you were going kill me".

Lastly I was my friend Timmy's house, his mum and sister were there but they were in black and white.
I walked out to his shed and started to padlock it noticing that I was in fact in the street about a two miles away from my mums house.

A large pink BMW pulls up along side me and a woman who I can only describe as a Barbie/Jordan lookalike offers me a ride.
As we drive along the woman starts to slow and I keep telling her it's further on. She brings the car to a stop and puts her hand on my knee.

Unhappy at this I attempt to get out but she grips my arm, as I pull away from her the woman comes out of her body leaving the empty Barbie/Jordan shell sitting in the seat.
The true inner self of the woman is a darkened burnt like skinny creature with long finger nails and evil looking features.

Friday, 24 August 2012

Faceless Lorraine

More of an audio dream than visual one last night.
I was aware that I was laying in bed and initially thought I was awake apart from hearing the endless chatter of my work colleague, Lorraine.

She was moaning about something but her voice turned into a low pitched tone and became indecipherable.
After what seemed like hours of hearing this, I decided that I'd had enough and needed to sleep.

The dream then became visual and I was walking towards Lorraine approaching her from behind. I tapped her on the shoulder and she spun around to look at me.
Lorraine's face was totally smooth without eyes, mouth or any features at all.
It was just skin, a head with hair and nothing else.

She was still talking!

Thursday, 23 August 2012

Impending doom

I was being starred at by everyone I can into contact with. It was very unnerving.
With each person I saw gave me an ever increasing sense of impending doom.
I just felt so bad, I knew that something bad was going to happen to me and it appeared that so did everyone that I met.

The dream continued as this throughout and had no ending. For once I was glad not to find out my fate as whatever it was going to be, I wasn't going to like it.

Wednesday, 22 August 2012

Stop thief!

I was working on a market stall, a bit odd in that I didn't have anything to sell but I stood there expectantly all the same.
The whole market was under cover inside a train station and I could see my work colleague, old man Geoff on a neighbouring stall. He too had nothing to sell.

I noticed a Romanian boy disappointedly looking over my stall, I could tell his nationality with just a glance.
Suddenly a whistle blew and dogs started to bark and the boy panicking, ran off.
An angry mob pursued the frightened boy shouting, 'Shoplifter stop', a pack of blood hounds on a lead followed with old man Geoff desperately hanging onto them.
What followed was the tracking and capture of the boy after a chase around the station.

Old man Geoff proudly marched his captive prize past me, displaying the boy for all to see and shouting, "Shoplifter'.

I pointed out to Geoff that we had no stock and the boy had stolen nothing.
The disappointment on his face was clear but he still continued parading the boy.

Tuesday, 21 August 2012

Horse inferno

I was a very successful business man, I had a huge factory and I had a platform that was in the ceiling of the building looking down at my empire.

Another large company was attempting to take over my firm and I watched as four men on horseback galloped towards the entrance to my factory.

As they got towards the gate I was being told that I would lose the company if they entered the gates.
Supremely confident and unmoving I calmly observed as they all ignited, engulfed in flames that shot high into the air.
Such was the intensity of the fire, they started to glow white hot.

No one takes my business away!

Monday, 20 August 2012

Will Young sings........

Last night I was singer Will Young. I knocked on the door of one of my wife's good friends, Leeza.

On the doorstep I duetted with Leeza, performing a moving version of the 1985 hit, 'Seperate lives', originally by Phil Collins & Marylyn Martin, we did it proud with an emotional rendition that brought us both too tears.

After our mini door step concert we headed off to an upstairs room and attempted to put a metal framed double bed together.
There were already two beds in the room and it was clear that the one we were assembling wasn't going to fit.
I was insistent it would and we continued to bolt it together.

It didn't fit! Stick to singing Will!

Sunday, 19 August 2012

Real life dream & body swapping

I'm totally confused and alarmed by the first part of my dreaming cycle and I'm still convinced it was real.

I woke up in the bedroom standing on the opposite side to the door against a set a draws. I could hear my wife shouting at me, "Shut the door and turn on the light quick!"
I blindly fumbled in front of me in the darkness looking for the light and door.
My wife becoming insistent.

I eventually managed to walk across the room and turn the light on.
My wife was sitting on the edge of the bed looking under it.
She kept telling me to close the door but I couldn't speak and I went into the toilet in the en suite.
When I came out I turned the light off and she shouted at me, "Why won't you do what I say, I swallowed a gnat and there is a black cat in here with a kitten in its mouth". She then walked past me out of the bedroom looking for it.

I got back into bed aware that she was mad at me and drifted off to sleep.

This is the part when I thought I'd started dreaming:
I was in Japan and walking around there were lots of drunken English tourists that were all skinheads in union jack T shirts and boots.

I was in a prison sitting on top of a walkway in the ceiling. A guard was ahead of me and we were talking. The guard was Japanese as were everyone else.
I was slowly crawling along towards him as we spoke. As I reached him I held my hands over his head and I swapped bodies with him.

I was then transported into his luxury home along with his wife and several nice cars. Free from prison I took on his life leaving the guard to be me in jail.

Before writing this today I asked my wife about her 'episode' with the cat convinced I had not dreamt it.
She has no idea about it so it must have been a dream. Have to say it is to date the most realistic dream I've ever had.

Saturday, 18 August 2012

Know your place Potter!

My friend and work colleague Gary Potter featured in last nights dream.
I was standing behind him at a bus stop on the hill outside Barking underground station in Essex.

There were a lot of people there in the queue ahead if us and Potter was trying to discreetly move his way to the front when they weren't looking.

As he weaved his way along, finally getting to the front, the bus arrived and drove past him and stopped so that the the doors opened were I stood.
I and others stepped onto the bus and it drove off leaving Gary behind.

Unlucky Potter!

Friday, 17 August 2012

The real me?

I was in Trafalgar square, London, walking around the huge black lions at the base of the column.

I was looking for a professor and upon spotting him within the crowd, started to walk over to him.
As I approached him from behind I saw that he was talking to a man in a wheelchair.
I glanced down at the person in the chair, I saw that it was me.

I made eye contact with myself and I stopped in my tracks. Wheelchair me made frantic eye movements at me to indicate for me to go away.

Confused and upset by myself, I turned and walked off and saw a rabbit run on a patch of grass.
Inside the run were 2 squirrels happily jumping around.

Thursday, 16 August 2012

Annoying little mystery

It's just that sweet little mystery
That makes me try, try, try, try
It's just that sweet little mystery
That makes me try, try, try, try

Really annoyingly that's all I woke up with this morning.
Not only is it an aggravating song but I really don't like Wet Wet Wet.

More annoying is that I still have the tune in my head!

Wednesday, 15 August 2012

Painted bride

I was asleep in my sleep, meaning I was dreaming that I was asleep.
I could hear muffled talking and I slowly started to wake up, in my dream that is.

I opened my eyes and saw that I was in a church and was getting married.
I glanced to my left to see my bride who was waiting expectantly for me to say my vows.

My bride had a normal white wedding dress on by she had a blue and yellow painted face.
She looked at me and said, "Are you going to marry me?"

Panicking I shouted out, "I'm the best man". I then proceeded to run at full speed out of the church.

Tuesday, 14 August 2012

City centre jester

Walking through the city centre of Peterborough last night I saw an array of different activities around me.
Scaffolding was being removed from the front of a bank and below a court jester was juggling multi coloured poles. He then starts to throw them at passers by.

A London red bus drove past and I hear a voice over man saying, 'I can't believe it, the driver has refused to pick up passengers again'.

I walk through a restaurant, dodging around tables and people and just as I reach the exit an old lady stands in my way.
After a few moves in the same direction without managing to pass her, I just shove her in the chest and knock her to the floor.

Monday, 13 August 2012

Carrots, football & butchers

I was at my mums house and I went into the neighbours house, letting myself in.
In the living room was Mark from work and we both sat and watched England play the USA at football on the TV.
Whilst I watched, I peeled carrots.
The game finished 1-1.

I next find myself in a butchers shop, I'm looking for a TV guide.
I buy one for 10p, bargain.
The butcher tells me that next week the price will be 50p.

Sunday, 12 August 2012

Canteen car park

As I drifted off to sleep a vision of a woman in a long black wig appeared in front of my face, slightly disturbing me and amusing my wife as I woke startled.

Into my sleep I was in a canteen with my work supervisor Mike serving.
Sitting at a table a car drives into the canteen and knocks over my table.
A female gets out of the car and hands me a pair of trainers.

I thank her, put them on and set of jogging into the street.

Saturday, 11 August 2012

You spin me right round

Someone, no idea who, was holding me by my ankles and turning in a small circle rotating me.

As they started to spin faster I began to lift so that I was raised horizontally and rotating faster.
The room we were in flashed ever faster as I gathered speed.

After an age of spinning the man holding me stopped and placed me on the floor.
I got up and was surprisingly stable and not at all dizzy.

The mam just said, 'There you go'

Friday, 10 August 2012

Modern Roman World

Rather an ancient theme with a modern twist last night.
I was in a Roman city, which as we all know were vastly advanced in their day.

This city however was a mass of glass and concrete. A huge glass elevator descended from a tower into a lobby where I was standing with Roman centurions inside.
I watched as a train steamed past me, also transparent as it was glass too.

I next find myself at work with my colleague Lorraine who has brought presents for everyone.
Mark got a book on Science Fiction, Lee had a book on mysteries and I got a set of weighing scales.

I look around the room and everyone in the room is an actor from an old TV programme call The Bill.

Thursday, 9 August 2012

A collection of odd events.

Lots going on last night, I'm feeling drained.
Starting off I was on the first floor of an office with the window open and I could see various people below.
A guy started to play, 'Going Underground' by The Jam on his guitar and an impromptu singalong began with passers by.

I walk out off the window, onto some scaffolding and slide down a pole into a building site. I watched as three lads climbed into the site with spray cans and start to spray paint the walls.
I shout out at them and they walk over and start to give me attitude.

As they turn their backs to me and walk away, I punch one of them in the side of his head knocking him clean out. The other two turn to confront me and I punch the second on his temple again knocking him unconscious.
The third looking slightly worried tries to back away but I head butt him on the forehead knocking him out too.

At 05.39 this morning I woke after dreaming the following:-

I woke in a strange bed knowing that my wife had been killed. Devastated and inconsolable I just laid in bed crying.
A strange old lady walked in and announced she was my housekeeper and tried to offer me a fish supper. I hate fish.
Then a young teenage girl walked in, sat on my bed and told me she knew that in the future she was going to be raped.
My friend Lou then enters and we both just hug and cry at the loss of my wife.
The housekeeper then injects me with an unknown substance and leaves smiling.

Finally I was in my landlords house helping him and his wife sort some rooms out. We kept finding secret passages and undiscovered rooms and two elevators that they never knew they had.
As I looked at a flowered wallpapered wall, my landlady suddenly burst through the wall laughing frightening the life out of me.

I go into a bathroom and get into the tub to relax. From the other side of the wall I hear Dave from work, he calls out that he is in a bath too. 'Hello brother', he shouts out.
As I look down the water has turned into black coloured balloons that start to float upwards.

Wednesday, 8 August 2012

Assassins & cut finger

The first part of my dream occurred at 02.30, I know this as I got up to use the toilet after making a note of 'machine guns', on my phone.

Three trained assassins were trying to kill me. Two were working together and were armed with machine guns and the lone killer had a hand gun, complete with silencer.

Chased by the solo man I ran into the pair who started to open fire at me. The spray from their machine guns lighting up like fireworks.
The man behind me then starts to fire and I stepped out of a doorway and the three are left to fight it out thinking its me firing back.

After my toilet break, I return to sleep and find myself in the house of a family with so many children I lose count. It's chaotic and the parents ask if I want to go to the pub with them. Agreeing we all get into a large van with enough seats to cater for the whole family.

One of the boys cuts the back seat up using a carpet knife and I notice I have a cut finger. The cut is exactly on the left forefinger knuckle where I actually have a scar from a cut years ago.

As I show the wife of the family my finger, a really white intense light shines from behind her head, blinding me.
I wake at this point with the morning sun blazing through my window.

Tuesday, 7 August 2012

Giants, car chases & serial killers

Starting off I am in a giant Barclays Bank, I'm not talking a huge branch. I mean it's built for giant people as I can only reach the counter on tip toe with arms at full stretch. The bank Teller is a giant as is everyone else around.

I deposit some cash and also ask to deposit an invisible tumble dryer, which is accepted as I have filled in the correct form.

I'm next in a kitchen staying over at someone's house, but I don't know who's. In a cupboard is an extremely neat display of cream soda and crisps set out like a supermarket display.
I enter a living room and see the wife of an old work colleague living in squalor with a new born baby.
She says, 'Remember me?' I haven't seen her for at least 20 years.

I was driving my car behind three white vans when for no reason at all I rammed one of them into a ditch and then reversed into the other, slamming it into a wall.
The third van wisely decided to drive off at speed and so I gave chase.

The pursuit was just like a movie scene, lots of burning rubber as tyres screeched, near misses and crazy driving through pedestrian packed streets.

I lost sight of the van and noticed a woman that I used to work with about 12 years ago, I sped past her and tapped her on the shoulder shouting, 'Hello', as I did. She looked confused.

Lastly I was watching a Foreign man carrying a female into a basement flat.
It was as if I was watching TV. I knew he was a serial killer and the woman was going to die.
He laid onto a glass table and told her to make him a coffee. The phone rang and he started chatting in Polish as she made the drink, unaware of her fate.

Monday, 6 August 2012

In an ideal World

In the ideal world
We'd be free to choose
But in my real world
You can't bat we're going to lose

As I was rudely awoken with a tongue in my ear, and I'm talking the cold nose and hairy excited puppy type, I have lost what I was dreaming about.

All I'm left with is the 1987 hit, Ideal World by the Christians.

Three of the original members of the band were the Christian brothers, so not a religious link.

Sunday, 5 August 2012

Missing Sister & protractor

I began by being told by my mum that my older sister hadn't come home. I told her not to worry as she is an adult and can look after herself.

I thought no more of it until I approached the front door of my mums house to find her standing there concerned that it had now been three days and my sister was still missing without a trace.

Still at my mums and its very late, I was in the living room when I heard a knock at the door and the voice of my good friend Lee-Ann. I heard her say to my mum, " Is he in, I need to borrow a protractor?'

I pulled out a small note book from my pocket and showed it to Lee-Ann, on the back was a stick on protractor that was very old and faded.
Lee-Ann pulls out an exact same note book with an equally faded protractor stuck on it. 'Snap' we both shout.

Saturday, 4 August 2012

Drink driving attitude

I was driving when I saw an argument taking place in the street. I stopped to look and saw that it was Sam Tucker from work and he was taking on four soldiers.
Sam was very drunk and fortunately for him the army boys decided he wasn't worth getting into trouble for and they left.

Sam then staggered into the drivers seat of a car that had a female passenger sitting in it.
The car swerved along the road until it reached a petrol station.
I went over to the car and Sam started to give me attitude. He was saying that he could have easily taken on the soldiers and me too.

The female embarrassed by this walked off leaving me with a very argumentative and annoying Sam.
As he continued Sam's face started to puff up making him look very chubby.

The second part of my dream was rather X rated involving an unknown woman in a short blonde 1970's style wig and myself.

Friday, 3 August 2012

Still searching

Yet another dream of me searching for something or someone.
As I initially fell into my slumber last night, I could see a cold stone corridor. Walls, floors and ceiling, all grey stone.

I walked down the corridor towards the open door at its end, light pouring in from outside.
As I exited I was in a graveyard, it was day time but wet and cold.
I opened my eyes and saw the warm reassuring comfort of my bedroom.

I fell back to sleep and started to walk along miles of empty streets. All the roads were if equal length and formed part of a very neat square grid that all interlocked but seemed to go nowhere.

As I continued a bright light shone ahead of me, becoming ever increasingly blinding.
I opened my eyes to see the early morning sun beaming into my bedroom.

I knew I should have closed the blinds last night!

Thursday, 2 August 2012

Stud face & lonely birthday

Being woken by my wife in the middle of the night is fairly common, my nocturnal actions do disturb her at times.
I was dreaming that there was a Velcro band around my stomach and it was constricting me and getting tighter.

I attempted to remove it but it just got tighter and I was starting to panic. I struggled to get it off and began shouting out, which is when I woke my wife who had her arm around my stomach as she slept!

I'm next in the queue to go into prison as an inmate and I'm forming an orderly line as if at the post office.
In front of me is a man that has a face full off studs and earrings. He sets off the bleeper and refuses to remove them.

Next I'm attempting to tidy my mums back garden which is piled high with hundreds of bicycles.
My wife then reverses a huge lorry into the garden, crushing all the bikes.

Finally I go to work and upstairs in the office they are all playing cards and not doing any work. I enter a room and find my friend Ghost and I tell him it's my birthday. He ignores me.
Leaving the building I bump into Timmy and I tell him I'm going home as its my birthday. He ignores me too.

It's not my birthday.

Wednesday, 1 August 2012

Javelin, death & talking dog

I started off by being in a hospital ward. I had no reason to he there and staff had asked me to leave.

A nurse stood there holding a javelin in a threatening manner but I chose to ignore her. A decision that turned out to be a vast error of judgement as the nurse launched the javelin at me piercing my big toe. The sudden shock and accompanying pain caused me to bolt upright in bed, pulling me out of my sleep.
A quick toe check and I laid back to sleep.

Next I'm in a room which is filling with water, I'm naked and as the water covers my head I can hear the muffled sound of music. I try to reach up and grab my favourite shirt not wishing to be found dead naked. My outstretched hand is grabbed by a Polish woman who pulls me free of the water but too late to save me and I'm laying dead and exposed.

Lastly I am walking my dog and I have a hose pipe with me. I spray random cars and people as I stroll, I have no idea where I am.
Led by my dog who speaks to me, telling me that when we get home he is going to have a sleep.

He pulls me around a corner to a familiar street and we arrive at my mums house.
I look down at my dog who is now wearing a green plastic bin bag.
He looks up at me and says, 'This looks stupid'!

He was right, it did.

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