Thursday, 31 January 2013

The not so great escape

I was Steve McQueen last night, not only that but staring in the epic 'The Great Escape' too.
There I was in the famous motorbike scene racing across fields and hills, as a voice over man described the events.
I took the bike up a really steep hill and the voice over man said, "The horse is struggling with that".
I looked down, the bike had gone and I was on a horse.

I was next at work and my wife was going to be late off so I went outside to wait for her. Upon entering the street, I saw a group of youths around a car. One of them kicked and smashed the headlights.
I shouted "Oi" and the offending youth ran off.
Grabbing his friends I told them if the lad didn't come back I'd arrest them all.
To my surprise this worked and the offender returned to the scene of his crime and I proudly handed him over to a passing police officer.
I pointed over to the car for the officer as I gave him the youth, only to see the car had vanished with just a few shards of glass left behind.

Lastly I was along with my wife on a number 62 bus heading towards my mums house.
There were small screens in the back of the chairs just like on a plane and we were watching a new episode of the hit US show, Heroes.
A boy sitting next to us removed his lower set of dentures and they had an i phone connector on the bottom of them.

Waiting to push the request bell I stood up knowing we needed the next stop.
It was at this point that I realised we were now on a plane and when we got off we had arrived not in Essex as expected but in Russia.

We walked out of the airport which looked just like an underground tube station and into the lobby of a hotel. We were handed room keys and we located our accommodation.
The room was sparse with two single beds and a cabinet. I needed the toilet so headed for the en suite. When I opened the door the shower was on and a jet of water hit me in the face which propelled me out of my sleep and awake.
I needed the toilet too.

Wednesday, 30 January 2013

Fishing for killers

An odd mix last night to say the least.
Starting off I was fishing in a small stream that ran through the inside of a water treatment plant.
Not that there would be anything remotely fish like in the water, I narrowed my chances of a catch even more by using bread and stones as bait.

Having not, unsurprisingly found any fish I wandered around the treatment plant and discovered a dead body.
It was the naked body of a male, there was chewing gum plugged up both his nostrils and all of his internal organs had been removed.
Being the astute detective that I am, I deduced that he had been murdered.

I next found myself in the house of my ex brother in law. Walking into the kitchen a man I didn't recognise was making a cup of tea. Before my eyes the man transformed into a small boy and I saw that it was my ex brother in laws Son as I last saw him, who would now be an adult.
I looked out of the window to see the rest of his family overloading their car to go on holiday to America.
They hadn't left any space for them to get in. Frustrated at this, ex brother in law jumped into the drivers seat and drove off at speed, smashing head on into another car.

Lastly I was myself in America but as a teenager. I was walking along a street totally lost and it was getting dark.
All around me cars were driving at ridiculous speeds and crashing into each other. Fist fights were breaking out between drivers who couldn't attribute blame so resorted to violence to resolve it.

I made a phone call but have no idea who too, they just told me dinner was ready. As I walked I tried to describe shops to help them to locate me.
I was starting to panic when I woke up.

Tuesday, 29 January 2013


I was inside a house, not sure who's it was or where it was. It was night time and I was getting ready for bed when I heard a crashing sound from in the street.
Looking out from an upstairs window into the dark I saw a mass of crumpled metal that was two cars after an apparent head on collision.

Wanting to help I knew I had nothing on my feet and rushed to find my shoes. As I ran about the house, I fell over huge piles of shoes, franticly rummaging through them but was unable to find my own shoes.
I spent ages trying to locate my footwear throughout the hundreds of other pairs then woke up without having attended to the collision.

I could then see chickens wandering everywhere, I know I was asleep as I was in the street and I was pointing at them shouting, "Chickens".
I have been reliably informed that this coincided with me saying the same as I slept.

Next I was climbing a very unstable lead covered roof along with another male. We were going to fix it but it wasn't able to hold our weight and started bowing in.
The other male told me he had forgotten his work boots and left, leaving me stuck on the roof alone.

The last section of dreaming involved me being at my mums house and we were going on holiday. Everyone was sat in the car ready to go but I was trying to find some underwear as it had all been packed and I hadn't calculated enough to have any for the journey.

I opened a draw and the only thing I could find was a pair of red women's Brazilian style knickers.
In the middle of putting them on, my mum entered the room and looks at me with a combination of of horror and deep disappointment. Despite my best efforts to explain, it appears a mothers view has been irreversibly changed!

Monday, 28 January 2013

Wouldn't it be nice.....

Wouldn't it be nice if we were older
Then we wouldn't have to wait so long
And wouldn't it be nice to live together
In the kind of world where we belong

No I've not gone all philosophical, I have woken up with the Beach Boys song, 'Wouldn't it be nice' in my head.

"Wouldn't It Be Nice" is the opening track on the 1966 album Pet Sounds.

Sunday, 27 January 2013

Lizards & speed cameras

I heaved my weary body into bed this morning and as soon as my head made contact with the pillow I was off.
Almost instantaneously I was awake again as I was confronted with my wife who had a lizards tongue. She was right in front of my face and the long thin slippery tongue shot in and out of her mouth.

Shock over I went off to sleep and was aware that I was walking along a street early in the morning. It was still dark.
Every few hundred yards or so I stopped at a speed camera and pulled out a slip of paper which was a print off of activations.

I tied a shovel around the metal support of one camera with string. Walking onto the next, I could hear music from a front garden. It was 'Stuck in a moment' by U2, a hit in 2001.
Sat outside the house a family where having a BBQ and the music was very loud.
I looked at my watch, it was 07.25. I walked away shaking my head at the thoughtlessness of the family.

Saturday, 26 January 2013

The only way is CCTV

This is the second time in a week that my Auntie Joan has featured in my dream.
This time along with my wife we were showing her around our house and in particular the alterations we had made to the interior of the place.
I was telling my aunt that it was exactly like my Nan's old house in Essex.
Joan was totally unconvinced as even I could see that it didn't resemble it at all.

Walking to the exterior of the house, all around were elaborate CCTV cameras. They were high tech with spot lights fitted and covered every inch of the property.
My aunt looked at me quizzically at the presence of the top spec equipment.

As we stood there I could hear the song, 'The only way is up', the 1988 hit from Yazz and the plastic population.

It's still in my head now!

Friday, 25 January 2013

The living dead

A slightly morbid theme from last night. I was in a street, it was night and the only light was cast from a street lamp that stood outside a cemetery.

I watched as a unknown man approached a grave and proceeded to dig it up. As he got deeper towards the coffin he was saying that it was his Sons grave and he had to check that he hadn't commuted suicide.
I decided to help the man and eventually we lifted out the wooden casket containing his Son. We prised open the lid and the perfectly formed body of a teenage boy sat up and said hello to his dad.

Finally I was in my mums living room and George from work had a new rucksack that held all his equipment on it. He was very proud of it until I pointed out that with it on his back, none of his equipment was accessible. He left looking rather unhappy.

Thursday, 24 January 2013

Hello Dave!

Clarification is required if I was dreaming the first part as, I woke, or didn't, with my wife walking on me with icy cold feet. She has previous for this.

To start with I was with my good friend Lee-Ann at work and we were walking around in the sunshine. Suddenly and for no reason Lee-Ann ignored me and walked away from me.
All attempts to speak with her were met with her giving me the cold shoulder.
Upset by this I walked to my mums house and found Lee-Ann outside the house.
She then started talking to me as if nothing had happened?

Next I was again walking, but this time alone, or so I thought. I was aware that I was being followed and noticed it was Papa Lazarou from the sketch from League of Gentlemen.
I headed towards the railway station with him still in pursuit, calling out, "Hello Dave".
When I reached the station I found BBC radio DJ, David 'diddy' Hamilton who asked me what was wrong. When I tried to point out Papa Lazarou to David, he had vanished.

Lastly I was in my old house with two women and a man who were all Polish. I was going to convert my house to become multi occupancy to make lots of money.
In the room were four plant pots, three had cannabis plants in and the other contained a can of Special Brew lager.
I watered the plants as the leaves were dying and poured water over the can of beer. We all started to howl with laughter at this as if it was the funniest thing we'd ever seen.

I then went into the kitchen where there were two canaries in a cage. I made myself a peanut butter sandwich, as I was about to eat it, two teenage girls entered the room.
Both Polish, one said, "This is my friend Rose". Rose then picked up my sandwich and started to eat it.
Enraged by this I threw them out into the street promptly followed by the other three from the other room. The accommodation was cancelled, no one messes with my peanut butter sandwich!

Wednesday, 23 January 2013

Recycling genius

I had entered a small toy shop that was owned by my grandad. My grandad passed away in 1977 and this is one of only a handful of times I've dreamt about him.
In the middle of the shop was a full size double decker London red bus. I was a child and could tell that I was back in the 1970's.

My grandad was saying how times were hard and that the shop was struggling to make a profit. Sad at this I realised that although I was a child I was my adult self inside and knew what the future held.
Grandad was throwing out the rubbish and I suggested that he collect all the glass, metal and other reusable items and sell them to make money. Herald as a genius, the shop was saved.

As a reward I was allowed to climb on top of the bus and play with any toy I wanted to. I chose an aeroplane, lorry and a small bus. I sat aloft happy in the knowledge my grandad would be well off.

Tuesday, 22 January 2013

All star fruit picker

I had attended a hotel reception to meet film director / producer Guy Richie. I must confess to not knowing what he looks like but seemed to know him in my dream.
I was trying to get a part in his new film but was up against some tough competition.

Also sat in the hotel were actors Robbie Coltrane and Ray Winstone. Instead of being intimidated by them I set about telling Guy that they were rubbish and it was boring to have the same old faces in films all the time.
Robbie and Ray looked on in disbelief and anger at the very nerve of my presence.

No idea if I got the part as I suddenly found myself in a fruit orchard.
I was being shown around by a male who looked vaguely familiar.
There were blackberries, gooseberries, plums and a yellow fruit that I had never seen before. ( Not bananas, I know what they look like)!

Walking through the orchard we entered a house that had a wood panelled wall. The male used a long pole with a hook attached to open a catch at the top of the wall.
After undoing an elaborate sequence of clips and hooks a TV appeared in the wall from beneath the panelling.
The male then tried to put the TV away but a panel dropped down over the screen that had a picture of Elvis Presley on it.

Monday, 21 January 2013

Snakes on a boat

When I got into bed my wife was snoring very loudly, or so I thought.
She was most put out that I shook her as she lay awake to inform her of her snoring.
I have been informed that I was chatting and laughing in my sleep. All in all I was very confused as I'm sure I was awake!

I had entered some kind of cellar that was home to a lot of tramps.
On the ceiling of the cellar was a lorry fixed by its roof. Inside the lorry was a tramp who was related to a rich family who had supplied him with the lorry. He sat inside swigging whiskey from a bottle.

I then appeared to be on a boat with Top Gear presenter, Richard Hammond.
I was laughing and joking with him as I held a huge snake.
I walked off the boat and the snake transformed into a massive rat the size of a small dog. It started to struggle and attempted to get away from me but I held on tightly to prevent it escaping.

Sunday, 20 January 2013

1966 World class dog pooh

Along with my wife I was visiting my aunt and uncle, Joan and Ron.
They had a new house and it was massive. Upon being greeted by them at the door I noticed they had both become about 30 years younger and looked amazing.

Wandering around their house I had an overwhelming need to sleep and promptly got into an available bed.
I was woken up by an elderly black man who wouldn't stop talking and laughing.
I got up and continued my self tour of the house.
There were at least 8 bedrooms and one had a babies cot in it. I found my Aunt and Uncle in a living room and they had a baby. My Aunt was telling my Uncle that he had to be more responsible now they had a child.

I then went for a walk with my Uncle in a field. As we walked I asked him about the baby but he was not paying attention.
Instead he kept picking up dog pooh.
As we reached a gate that exited the field, my Uncle had a large collection of doggy dos.
I then looked on in horror as he attempted to arrange the pooh into a 4-4-2 format of the 1966 winning England World cup football squad.

Saturday, 19 January 2013

Domestic slapping

I know I was talking in my sleep as I was informed of the fact this morning.
I do recall having stern words with a man that had been knocking his wife around.

Not sure of the surroundings for the dream as I could only see the man and his crying wife, everything appeared to be dark with just the three of us illuminated.

I set about giving the man a lecture about relationships, married life and living in harmony in general.
The man didn't seem to taking my comments seriously, so to ensure he fully understood, I slapped his face several times.

The female throughout this continued to cry as my hand hit the face of her abuser.

Friday, 18 January 2013

German crab

I spent want seemed like hours running last night, not away from anything or chasing anyone. But jogging!
I was with two others but couldn't ascertain who they were or indeed what sex they were.
I ran through a busy street on a loop, continually covering the same small circle which included a zebra crossing. I didn't look each time I crossed it and the cars stopped when I did so.

Eventually after seemingly doing this for most of the night, I deliberately ran off course along a different road. I stopped running and looked up to see a pub called The Crab.
Behind me I heard a bunch of German tourists, one of which shouted loudly, "Ha ha look everyone it says Crapper!"

The Germans actually have a word for crapper, its Kubel.

Thursday, 17 January 2013

Child neglect on tap

I was working in conjunction with the Social Services department who were trying to find information on a couple that had a small child.
The couple were a very small black man and Mildred, a work colleague. An elderly woman who was head of the department sent me in under cover to befriend the couple.

I was driving a lorry with the male who was taking me too their house. Upon entering the house at midnight, Mildred wasn't there but a child of about 4 was watching TV in the living room alone. He had on Big Brother.
The male just said, "Why are you still up?"

I asked the male to take me to Mildred and we both got back in the lorry leaving the child home alone. I stood in dog pooh as we left!
Arriving at another house I found Mildred drunk in the kitchen. There was a push up tap dispenser on the oven similar to the ones on a fridge.
This one was dispensing wine which Mildred was over indulging in.
I decided that I wouldn't tell Social Services and informed them that everything was fine.

Wednesday, 16 January 2013

Bruce Almighty midget

I started off by being at work and a colleague affectionally known as Numb Nuts had returned to shift after a few years in a different department.
He was asking me what to do as he hadn't got a clue about new procedures.
We have plastic boxes at work to keep our paperwork in and Numb Nuts had filled his with Cornflakes and poured milk over them!

The second part of my dream involved me watching veteran entertainer Bruce Forsyth running at full pace up London bridge. The bridge had massive rotating blades, similar to that on a wind turbine.
Bruce was amazing, reaching the very tip of one of the blades, he was hundreds of feet in the air spinning around.

Bruce was laughing and telling his corny jokes as he clung onto the blade, just gripping on with his hands.
As he gathered speed I watched him fly off into the air, landing on the ground close by to me. He skidded across the floor finally coming to an abrupt halt as he crashed into a wall.

As Bruce stood up still laughing and dusted himself down, I noticed that he was a midget version of his former self.
Bruce looked to camera in true professional style and said, "Didn't I do well!"

Tuesday, 15 January 2013

Terrorist floods

I entered a house that was empty, I looked around the rooms and could hear voices.
As I walked up the stairs a torrent of water hit me knocking me down and slamming me into the front door.
As I lay there stunned the water started to rise up above the letterbox and covering my head.

I fell unconscious, waking up I found I was sat in a chair. I tried to move my arms but they had been tied behind my back to the chair.
As my eyes focused to the light I saw was surrounded by terrorists. There was nothing to indicate that they were but I just knew they were.
I asked to leave and they just laughed at me saying, "You are going nowhere"

Monday, 14 January 2013

The wrong pants

I was in a hospital emergency department waiting to be seen after somehow getting shot in the left knee.
There was a hole in my trousers and when I get to see a nurse I was asked to remove them for examination. Taking off my trousers revealed a perfectly round bullet shaped hole that went right through to the other side. It wasn't bleeding.

The nurse looked at my boxer shorts and sniggered. They were an old pair with black and white stripes on and embarrassed I made reference to the importance of wearing your best pants in case of an accident.

Next I was in a Tesco express store waiting for another male who had just been released from prison.
He arrived dressed in dirty work mans overalls and covered in grease.
I took him to my old flat in Essex after he stole lots of food from the shop.

Arriving at my flat we entered an outside barn that had a shower for animals in it. As the ex convict was showering another man arrived telling me me has escaped from prison.
Not wishing to be involved with him I jumped over a wall which set off a siren and search lights as I then break free from a prison.
Running in panic I head straight into the sea and can't find a way out.
At this point I am able to float out of my body high above for an panoramic view and spot the road to freedom.

Sunday, 13 January 2013

Antique celebrity toy show

My dog appeared last night for the first time in ages.
He was happily running lose in the street chewing a plastic security seal.
I on the other hand was very annoyed that someone had let him out of my house exposing him to danger.

Next as often is the case, I am in my mums living room. On this occasion I was taking part in a canoe race, dropping on rapid water pouring from the ceiling.
This was being observed by my dad who was eating a bowl of spaghetti. He was covered in it, all over his face and down his top, but seemed happy.

Lastly Chris Evens was hosting a show called Celebrity Antique toys which involved various minor celebs trying out old toys.
Chris was in an audience encouraging everyone to do a Mexican wave whilst a Welsh comedian, who's name escapes me, played with a baseball glove with Radio one DJ, Janice Long.

The glove was pumped up and operated by air, they were throwing a ball to each other with little success.
All the time Chris Evens was whipping the crowd into a frenzy, they were dancing and shouting out.

I'm not sure it will catch on, it's about as stupid as minor celebs diving into a swimming pool and being voted off by the general public, oh hang on..........

Saturday, 12 January 2013

Jimmy Savile, arty fish & superman

Normal service resumed with a busy night of brain activity.
Starting off I was chatting on the computer with an unknown person who sent me a random video of a woman in a fur coat dancing.
My wife entered the room and we started to get intimate, but I had to stop as I needed the toilet. It was at this point I woke to use the toilet.
Looking at my wife in bed, she was on her phone, her face lit up by its screen in the dark. I have since been informed by my wife that she wasn't aware that I got up.

Retuning to sleep, I needed to buy something from a shop and spent ages carefully parking outside, avoiding double yellow lines and not blocking driveways.
Finally happy where I left the car, I walked into a shop only to find it was an art gallery.
It was full of large aquariums containing goldfish. Several elegantly dressed women looked down at me, making me feel as if I wasn't welcome. I left.

Next I was watching a Police Community Support Officer, (PCSO), with a feather duster cleaning some small lockers.
She opened one to find the head of Jimmy Savile smiling back at her.
Alarmed by his creepy stare she dusted his face and it turned into a Mannequins head.

I next recall tapping a car engine with a small hammer. I have been informed that I was tapping my wife's hand as I slept.
I then was superman, in full costume with cape flowing in the breeze, tights and underpants on the outside.
I stood hands on hips proud to be a superhero.

As I did this I started to hear a song loudly playing and I started to visibly fade away.
The song took over the dream, pulling me out and awake. Looking over at my wife, she had decided it was time I was awake and was playing the tune to 'Wacaday' a children's programme from the 80's.

For a link to the song click into the comments below.

Friday, 11 January 2013

Trying to catch your heart

Trying to catch your heart
Is like trying to catch a star
So many people love you baby
That must be what you are

The above lyrics are from 'Waiting for a star to fall', from the band 'Boy Meets Girl'.
Released in 1988 and the only thing I have from my days sleeping

Night shifts wipe me out!

Thursday, 10 January 2013

Confidential slapper

A brief encounter from today's slumber.
I was filming myself driving a van using a body mounted camera driving along a road and turned into an archway between two houses.

Exiting the van I was then watching the events as if viewing them on TV.
I found a foreign male asleep on a mattress in the open air. It was cold and dark but the male was happily snoring.

Next I found myself in the back of the van cleaning it. I was gathering lots of confidential paperwork up that had been carelessly thrown in the van.
I rolled all the paper up making a tight bundle and then walked into my new work premises in a bid to dispose of the documents without being detected.

As I opened an office door I tip toed into the room and over to a bag for shredding. As I looked down at my hand, the roll of papers had vanished.
Suddenly something kept repeatedly slapping my bottom hard.
Startled I spun round to see work colleague Lorraine had the papers and was hitting my backside with them, laughing as she did so.

Wednesday, 9 January 2013

Poisonous piggyback

I was playing football, just a makeshift pitch with jumpers for goalposts.
There was myself and Ryan from work on my team against one other lad. There's was only seconds left and the next to score won the game.
Instead of a football we were using a baseball cap as a ball.
In the dying seconds Ryan passed the cap back to me and I slammed home the winner to much celebration.

I was next in a pub and the barman pointed out to me that there was a wasp walking along the floor. On its back was a small bright green coloured worm.
I looked on with interest as the barman explained that the worm was highly toxic and if bitten by it, its poison would lay dormant and I would die just prior to climaxing during sexual intercourse.

Horrified by the thought of this and the fact that the wasp could assist the deadly worm infect me, I stamped on them both.
I watched as both insects wriggled in pain and died.
As I exited the pub the barman called out, "Now you've upset them", looking back I saw a very irate wasp with an even angrier worm on its back flying towards me!
I ran screaming from the pub into the street franticly waving me arms around my head as the deadly duo attempted to sting me.
I woke up screaming!

Tuesday, 8 January 2013

Dead man walking

I was on an aeroplane, not sure if it was in flight but all the seats were devoid of passengers.
I had got a new job or promotion of some kind and was posing at various points along the aisle to have my photo taken by my work colleague Nina.
As I stood for my photo an old man with grey wax like skin was watching us.
He had the appearance of a dead man but was following us along the plane and was very much alive in movement anyway.

As I posed and happily smiled for the camera I could hear Amy Winehouse singing 'Back to Black'.
I moved along the plane and upon reaching the front I noticed a black man in one of the seats.
The man looked at me and said, "You think I'm a retard don't you?"

Monday, 7 January 2013

Endurance wall

I was setting myself a challenge last night. I was sat on top of a very high brick wall and someone on the ground below me asked how long I was straying there for.
I decided that I would spend 10 days sat on it and proceeded to do so.

I was next aware that it was Christmas Day and at my mums house we were all ready to open our presents.
Prior to doing this I deemed it essential to cut the grass first and started pushing the lawn mower over the rear garden.

Looking over at the neighbours house I could see my friend and work colleague Matt standing up to his knees in a pond with a female.
They were searching through the water for something and eventually the female pulled out Matts glasses from the weeds.
Smiling Matt kissed and hugged the woman.

Lastly I was waiting in an office for a man called Chris who wanted to talk to me about his relationship.
I walked down some stairs and opened a door to find Chris was a Christine and a girl.
I took her to my office, offered her a chair and she sat on the desk and started crying.
I asked her what was wrong and she explained that she was having problems with her girlfriend. Christine started to tell me about the sexual side of her lesbian relationship but I woke up before she went into detail. Doh!

Sunday, 6 January 2013

Sleeper cell

I was standing on the doorstep of my mums front door looking out at the road which was a river.
A boat slowly made its way to the end of the path that leads to the house and moored there. I had an excited feeling of anticipation as the occupants disembarked. I was an alien hiding in a human body waiting for the rest of my kind to invade. I'd been placed on Earth as a sleeper cell to observe and report back on the humans in preparation for taking over the World.

One of the men put a rocket launcher onto his shoulder and shouted, "We are taking over this planet".
I then realised that the invaders were not my kind and were another species of aliens.
I decided to remain inside my human host and not reveal myself to the aliens.

I was lastly sat in my childhood bedroom looking at an enormous computer screen that was very similar to the one my school had back in the early 80's.
my wife entered the room and asked to look at my dream blog.
I tried to scroll down the screen using my finger but nothing happened.

Saturday, 5 January 2013

One lump or two?

I began by doing a spot of bird spotting. The feathered kind and I was carrying binoculars and my trusted A to Z of birds book.
Slight difference was that I was in a supermarket amongst other shoppers and I was pushing a trolley.
I combined my weekly shop with watching a green woodpecker flying over the cereal isle.

Next I'm watching a huge lorry attempting to drive over a very small bridge. There are other smaller bridges that cross over its length and people are removing these as the lorry drives over the bigger bridge to prevent the lorry hitting them.
On the back of the lorry is a giant cup of tea about the size of a oval swimming pool.
The tea is splashing over the sides as the lorry carefully manoeuvres across the bridge.

I then get into a white transit van and start to follow behind the lorry. Sitting next to me in the passenger seat is a female PCSO who is very worried looking as I keep hitting the curb as I drive.
After hitting a lamp post I get out and lay down and fall to sleep.
I open my eyes and awake in my bed this morning.

Friday, 4 January 2013

Kung fu vigilantly

Last night I turned crime fighter, vigilantly and all round saviour of the people.
I was in a shopping centre that was holding a church service in the middle of it. Looking on from a fish n chip shop was my mother in law and she was sporting a 1980's style new wave haircut.

A bunch of teenage kids started to ride around the shoppers and worshipers on their BMX bikes causing a nuisance.
I shot into action and ran after them, busting out my best Kung fu moves I put them all down and saved the day.

Moving on from the shopping centre I was at a railway station.
A female shouted out that a man had a knife.
I saw two men get into a car and start to drive off. Instead of letting them go I shouted after them. The car stopped and both men got out and ran towards me.
One of them was holding a massive knife and ran thrusting it at me.

Instead of using my martial arts skills I pulled out a can of pepper spray and gave them both a face full.
The man without the knife fell onto the railway tracks and the woman that had shouted out originally helped me get hold of the knife attacker.

Thursday, 3 January 2013


To start with I was in the upper level of a working windmill.
My wife was on the lower level playing the game mousetrap.
Without her knowing I was frying steak on a grill and eating it as it cooked. There was a lot of meat and I was very full.
I went down to my wife's location where she had finish the game of mousetrap and was going to prepare lunch.
I found myself wondering how I was going to explain I wasn't hungry!

Next I found myself at a really poor Christmas market. The stalls were lacking any quality and I left disappointed.
Walking into the darkened night along a street I noticed a house on fire.
Running to help I saw that the fire fighters were already there.
Several annoying teenage boys were running around the house being pursued by the firemen.
I thought momentarily about helping them but dismissed the idea just as instantly and carried in my way.

Wednesday, 2 January 2013

My transvestite neighbour

I have been informed by my wife that there was a lot of talking going on in my sleep last night.
I was in my Nan's old garden from when I was a child and I was clearing cardboard boxes from along the fence line of the neighbouring garden.
In the next garden was a female I didn't know. She was singing loudly,'We are young' by the group Fun and was very annoying.

I asked the female to lower her voice as there were people asleep in my Nan's house.
Another older woman approached the fence and was clearly a man dressed as a woman. I was informed it was the younger woman's father.

Lastly I was watching my actual neighbour cleaning someone else's garden and she was wearing yellow rubber gloves.
An elderly gentleman entered the garden and my Neighbour greeted him by kissing and hugging him.

As I have woke this morning the song the female was singing is still in my head.

Tuesday, 1 January 2013

Consider yourself delayed

A very busy head last night, starting off by watching friend and work colleague Gareth attempting to wrap a solid chocolate advent calendar in brown paper and string.
I then find myself in the Essex town of Dagenham entering the run down house of a small boy.
As I enter the chocolate advent calendar was on the sideboard opened and partially eaten.
Suddenly the boy who is bare chested and rather chubby, runs in and grabs my belly and wobbles it, laughing as he does so.

Next sitting in my mums living room, there is a water display running vertically down the wall from the ceiling. Sat on the ceiling somehow is my dad. He is playing old vinyl records.

Lastly I am with my wife in central London after buying myself a new pair of jeans.
We begin to walk through the streets and it starts to snow.
Going into the suburbs it turns into a rundown area resemblant of the Victorian slum era. I mention it looks like a scene from a Charles Dickens novel.
With this I start to sing, 'Consider yourself one of us', from the 1968 musical version of Oliver.

Lots of people join in and start to dance along the snow covered streets.
I watch as a small car loses control on the icy road and crashes into an on coming car. This in turn causes two other cars to crash.
The scene becomes even worse when a double decker bus loses it and smashes through the front of a house.
I run to offer help and find that the bus has completely disappeared into the house.
On a pane of glass is a hand written note saying, 'Delays possible to bus number 62'

The number 62 bus runs a service through Dagenham and I am intending to buy a new pair of jeans.

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