Sunday, 31 March 2013

Soap opera jet ski

Anyone unfamiliar with the British soap opera Eastenders, it's just the same as any other from around the world. A bleak portrayal of life with the characters having the worst run of luck known to man, in between sleeping with each other.

It's in this background that I enter the world of Bianca Jackson a fiery red head played by actress Patsy Palmer. She has a string of children and I inform her that she must come with me to the city of York.
Our mode of transport are jet skis but I tow Bianca who in turn tows two of her children each on a jet ski.
Upon our arrival I inform Bianca that I am taking her children into care. She then begins to shout at the top of her voice, "Ricky, Ricky!"

A usual visual display of my need for the toilet next as I dream I am urinating into a bath of water. I actually felt relieved that I'd been for a wee and woke panicked that I'd wet the bed. Thankfully I hadn't.

Lastly I was travelling along a winding road up a hill in the Scottish highlands. In my mind I had to get to wherever I was going to reach my dad, I knew he was not far but with each bend I took me seemed to be just out of my view and I couldn't catch up with him.

Saturday, 30 March 2013

Emergency scooter

A very brief encounter last night.
I had a child's scooter and it was equipped with flashing blue lights and a siren. There was a man with me and I don't know who he was but he was on the back of the scooter behind me holding onto me.

I put on the blue lights and started to rush through crowds of people in the street. When I say rush, as fast as two grown men can go on a kids scooter!
At one point I was high above a road on a bridge and I dropped over the edge landing in the road. People hadn't really noticed our presence so I decided to put on the siren to get them to move.
I flicked a switch and nothing happened!

Friday, 29 March 2013

Northern prejudice

I was in a bus shelter that was a dome shape and completely covered but open at either end.
Whilst in the shelter I, along with several others were helping to clean it up from graffiti and posters that were almost covering the interior.

While I'm working hard a very smug looking man enters and refuses to help as he says that he has adopted a child which is far more worthy than cleaning.
An official looking person informs the man that the child is from Barnsley and is a blind Dwarf.
The man states that won't except the child as it is from up north!

Next I'm visiting a work colleague called Lorna in prison. She is due out in two weeks and is very excited to see me.
Annoyed by her bouncy behaviour I plant some cannabis in her pocket when I hug her goodbye and whilst waving at the door I inform the guard that she has drugs.
I smile at her knowing that she will get extra jail time when they find the drugs.

I was lastly in work with my wife and we were sitting for the morning briefing with one of our bosses, Rob taking the meeting.
Rob started to talk but when he was taking deep breaths and then exhaled, he made a small groaning sound. I couldn't understand what he was saying so I asked my wife for the car keys and left the room.
On the way out I bumped into another Rob who used to work for us but left a while back.
I asked him how he was but he too made the exact same sound as the boss had.
Confused I left him and continued out of the building.
At this point I woke to the gentle sound of my wife's delicate snore. The same sound the two Robs had been making.

Thursday, 28 March 2013

The raspberry committee

A mixed bag of events from last night. I was watching TV of a European Parliament meeting and the huge room of seats was empty apart from about ten people. They had all spread themselves so far apart it was hard to spot anyone.
Chairing the meeting was former politician Michael Heseltine, who upon seeing the dismal turnout, got up and walked out.

I was next in a huge mansion that my dad owned, he had rented one of the rooms out to a group of people.
We both went into the room to see what the group did. We were informed by their leader that they were a raspberry blowing committee and they met every month.
They then all started blowing raspberries to the tune of 'Like a virgin' by Madonna.

Lastly I had been given the simple task to hand deliver a newspaper in a brown envelope and a leaflet to two houses in the same street. In my car I turned into the street and a black man and woman walked out in front if me, causing me to swerve to avoid hitting them. I shouted abuse at them and then drove on.

Out of my car I looked at the numbers I had to post the items and located the first house. When I double checked the number written on the envelope, it had changed.
Every time I went to the number written it changed when I got there! In the end I just posted the items all in one house and left mumbling to myself.

Wednesday, 27 March 2013

Pies, pizzas & clocks

I vaguely recall my wife waking me at some point during the night to inform me I was chattering away in my sleep.
I had gone to my car and removed four meat pies, placing them onto a tray I then entered a school cookery classroom at exactly 5.50pm. I was amazed to find the class full of primary kids having a lesson.
I placed my tray onto the side and waited for an oven to be available.
Unfortunately another teacher arrived with a huge tray of frozen chips and pizza for the children to cook. She was wearing a bright red knitted jumper.

I then found myself in my mums living room and I was attempting to hang up a clock on the wall but it needed wiring up to the mains.
My mum and dad were watching me and the wall was bare brick, there were wires hanging from the wall and a raised area of the bricks that resembled a mans face.

My dad told me he was going upstairs to dress and my mum watched as I pulled at the wires. As I did so I was given an electric shock as the wires were live and I shouted in pain.
My mum calmly got up and informed me that she had purchased an air conditioning unit for me. She then left the room with me still holding the live wires.

Tuesday, 26 March 2013

Bruce & the giant shed shark

I'd turned up outside a shop in a white van and expecting to collect something I waited with the rear doors of the van open.
Then I saw veteran entertainer Bruce Forsyth dressed in a tuxedo leading out a man in handcuffs. He was mumbling to the man the way in which he does on TV at times when he forgets his lines.
Bruce went to place the man into the van when we noticed an empty glass and a bowl of potato chips with a garlic dip on the floor of the vehicle.
Bruce looked at me and said, "Get them out you fool!" Then looked around for a cheap laugh.

I was next helping at my neighbours with their gardener Trish. Trish was very grateful for my assistance and asked me to go into the shed and collect some orange juice for us.
I stepped into the wooden building and it was the inside of a boat. Suddenly the roof flew off and a giant shark leaped into the air teeth showing towards me, landing with a thud on the deck in front of me.
Not wishing to wait around I ran from the shed back into the garden where Trish was arranging the daily newspapers on a bench.
She looked and asked, "Where's the orange juice?"

I woke this morning with the 1976 hit, 'You can go your own way', from fleetwood Mac in my head.

Monday, 25 March 2013

Roll with it

I started my dream by walking along a street of an unknown city with my wife.  I was holding a welding torch that was connected to a rubber hose, as we walked the hose extended with us.
We must have covered a few miles & the hose just kept extending along with us until I was jerked back as the hose stopped coming.  I simply unscrewed the welding torch & we carried on until reaching a bridge over a road.  I lit the torch & to my surprise a blue flame shot out the end of it.

It's funny how my brain informs me that I need the toilet when I am asleep in the form of a visual image.  I  had walked into a house & someone was asleep on the sofa, creeping past them I walked upstairs into the toilet & lifted the lid in the dark.
Just as I was about to go when the light came on in a flash & as I spun around there was a bed in the room with Anne from work sitting up in horror.  She asked me what I was doing in her house & then stated that she had turned the water off so the toilet didn't work anyway.
I was highly embarrassed & started to leave the room, not before noticing that Anne was wearing an old style full length dressing gown & had rollers in her hair.

Finally having woken for real & gone to the toilet, I found myself on a small boat at sea, this is after going back to sleep that is, I don't have a boat at home.  There was no one else on board & I woke up & walked to the front of the vessel & discovered that there was a very small swimming pool.  I dived in & swam about feeling very refreshed.  I then noticed three white highland terriers were trying to get out of the pool.  I swam over & one by one I lifted them out of the water.

Sunday, 24 March 2013

Pig tunnels

I'd entered the living room at my mums house and found my dads best mate sitting in the armchair. It was great to see him as he passed away a few years ago now. He was happily chatting and had a football match in the TV. He looked well.
I nip to the lavatory and for some reason sit on the toilet with the door open which has a direct view of the front door along the hallway with the stairs by the entrance to the first floor.
I'm trying to do my business but realise I still have my trousers on at which point my dad walks into the hallway from upstairs ready to go to work. Having been disabled in his later life it's great to see him looking fit and well.

I'm next in the kitchen of a woman I don't know, her whole house is full of clutter and the exit into the garden is blocked by items up against the back door.
I tell her I will clear all of her house but I first need to feed her Guinea pigs that were in her garage. I squeeze past the obstacles and find that she has a box that they live in which is very small.
From the box is an elaborate network of tunnels that the pigs have created themselves. Spanning miles the tunnels cover her whole garden and eventually come up into her living room.

Saturday, 23 March 2013

Most tedious

A slightly disturbing start to my nights dreams. I was sat in my old childhood bedroom looking at myself in the mirror.
I opened my mouth and could see a small crusty scab on my upper gum. I picked it off and to my horror the entire inside of my mouth came away in my hand as a huge scab. I was left with it in my hand staring back at my reflection not knowing what to do.

I was next in a Chinese restaurant with my wife and good friend Timmy. We had been waiting for ages for our food and Timmy asked the waitress how much longer it would be. She explained that it would be twenty minutes so he had time to go outside for a cigarette. Despite him not smoking Timmy popped outside, the second he did this the food arrived.

Walking back in Timmy is furious and sits down with a pen and notepad to write a strongly worded letter of compliant.
He speaks out loud as he is writing and says, "This is the most tedious experience known to man".
Whilst he is saying this my wife and I are eating our food as Timmy's goes cold.

Friday, 22 March 2013

Finger food

I had entered a tower block in Nottingham city centre. I was there to collect work colleagues after a night out. It was a business property so had many floors and lots of offices.
My search for my work mates was made all the more difficult as there were parties on every floor. After exhausting the entire building without spotting anyone I knew, I left and went home.

I was next sat around my Nan's old fold out table that she used to keep under the stairs. It was Christmas and we were eagerly waiting for our food to arrive. When I say we, I'm assuming it was my family around the table with me but I couldn't see their faces.
I peered under the table and saw that there were potato Chips all over the floor. They were in the shape of hands. I picked one up and used it to wave at everyone.

Thursday, 21 March 2013

Loch Ness here I come.

I began by walking a very long country road, it was a single track narrow road that was winding its way through the countryside.
Part of the road was blocked by a fallen tree but I moved around it and carried on walking. Further along another tree was blocking the way. I looked to my right into a field and the biggest tree I'd ever seen had fallen and it was the tops of its branches that were across the roadway.

I looked to the floor and saw a big square white envelope, written clearly on it was my full name.
I then found myself in a room with lots of seats in a semi circle towards a stage. All the seats were taken and I just wandered in and out of the people not knowing where to go.

I was then sat at a table in a large country house kitchen along with my wife. I was explaining to her that I was off to Loch Ness in Scotland to see if I could locate the famous monster.
I packed a bag of all new clothes and a brand new pair of shoes and said my goodbyes.
As I head off down the road with my bag I looked down at my clothing and noticed I was wearing a Tiger onesie.

Wednesday, 20 March 2013

River dog

Rather disturbingly I woke up singing, 'Take that look off your face', this morning. With the 1980 hit from Marti Webb still lodged firmly in my head now, it looks like I'm stuck with it for the day!

The visual part of my dream involved myself and my wife taking a walk to the end of our garden. The grass had been replaced by a river that flowed off into the distance. We had our Jack Russell with us and he decided to jump in and start swimming.
My wife worried about him instructed me to jump in which I did, but it was only ankle deep.
I walked as our dog swam back towards the house and as I watched him jump out I plunged up to my neck in water!

I pulled myself out of the rather green looking water and all of my clothes had vanished. I glanced back at the garden and in the middle of the river was a rotary clothes dryer.

Tuesday, 19 March 2013

Block heads

I was at a boat yard or some kind of marina and it was night time.
I was walking around checking that all was in order and there was nobody around. I stood on the water behind a boat into some metal framework that looked a bit like an old style plough that horses would have pulled.
I started to float out into the sea and looked as if I was standing just on the water.

By the time I reached dry land I seemed to be back in the same boat yard but it was day time. I walked into a building site and saw that some men were laying breeze blocks. They all started to shout at me and were very aggressive towards me.
Not happy at this I started picking up the breeze blocks and one by one I smashed them over the men's heads.

This appeared to have the desired outcome as they all then left me alone.

Monday, 18 March 2013

Steam train acid bath

I was a steam train driver last night, heading through the countryside towards home. When I pulled the locomotive into the station I was intrigued to see both platforms lined with soldiers and well dressed people.
As I disembarked I looked back at the trains carriages, one of which was totally encased in mud. I heard someone say that Ryan from work was responsible for it and had been arrested.

A brass band started up and some somber music played as everyone started to proceed up a hill with heads down.
I heard someone say my name and that I would be missed, it was then that I realised I was at my own memorial service.
Reaching the top of the hill I saw a girl of about 10 sitting in the back of a van with its doors open. She was selling DVDs and I approached her and told her I would adopt her. She hugged me and smiled.

In contrast I was next walking to my fish n chip shop along with my younger brother who was mentally challenged and fictional character Alf Garnet.
Alf was a bigoted old racist from East London played by actor Warren Mitchell.
As it was night time my shop was shut and the three of us entered and my brother closed the door but turned the sign around to say open.

I saw a queue of people outside and tried to say I was closed but then noticed the sign and Alf and myself looked angrily at my brother.
As punishment for turning the sign we killed him and placed him into a metal tub and poured acid over him. As the acid started to corrode his body his eyes opened and he asked what we were doing.
I told him not to worry and pushed his head under the liquid and watched him dissolve.

I woke up at some point during the night having had someone kick me in my shin. I was in agony and shouting out loud much to the dismay of my wife.
After some vigorous shaking and putting the light on, I appeared to be fine and my leg didn't hurt? Odd.

Sunday, 17 March 2013

Happy shopper

I was in a supermarket, more of a small friendly local shop than one of the huge retail park giants.
A very old lady who lived in the house next to the shop came in but was very unsteady on her feet.
In an attempt to help the lady I gave her a mobility scooter and attached a bar code scanner to the handlebar.
She was then able to cruise around the shop to the sound of the bleeps of her scanning her own shopping.
She then left the store without paying!

I was next in an old school and it was on fire. No one seemed overly concerned by this and I walked around observing the flames.
I was then approached by two people I went to school with back in the 1970's. I can only remember their names as Keith and Maria. They both told me to get out of the building.

I was aware that I was still in the school but couldn't see as I was being held down by something heavy. After a while I realised it was my dads sister and she was talking to me. I started to feel trapped and panicky that I couldn't move.
She told me that if I moved she would die.
I started to push her from me and suddenly woke up.

Saturday, 16 March 2013

Alien death game

Beginning at work with a team briefing and a supervisor called Goldie is leading the meeting. Half way through a very loud and drunk Neil staggers in.
Goldie is most put out by this and decides to use a breathalyser on Neil who subsequently fails the test. Goldie then tells him he is going to be arrested and sacked from his job.

Still at work I was on the top floor of a three storey building but didn't recognise it. I started to walk down the stairs but there were lots of people in the way. All the people and stairs were totally covered in ice cream. I carefully stepped around the mess, made all the more difficult as I had only socks on my feet.
As I reached the bottom floor I had managed to acquire myself a 99 cornet with multi coloured sprinkles and strawberry sauce.

Lastly I was in a room that had an area in the corner of the floor in a glass square. Within the square of glass were several very small figures the size of toy soldiers but they were aliens.
I had a handful of tiny bombs that I twisted to activate on a timer. Once activated they flashed blue. I then set about throwing them into the square and attempted to blow up the aliens.

Some of the aliens started throwing the bombs back at me and we had a game of explosive tennis until all the aliens were finally knocked over by the blast of the bombs.

Friday, 15 March 2013

Crazy horses

Slight theme for last night with horses. Starting off I was attempting to gather two in from a large paddock with the help of my friend Martin and a second appearance this week of Lorraine.
Martin expertly rode one horse from the middle of the paddock and into the stables as if he was a pro rider. Lorraine on the other hand was hugging the animals neck in fear as it galloped in circles around the field.

Next I was at work and was paired up to work with Danny. We hadn't worked together before and got into a van to set off for our shift. Danny was driving and before leaving he paired his phone up to the screen on the dashboard.
The screen showed an advert for the Tesco stores with some music and I looked at Danny who had turned into another work colleague called Tom. Tom has a striking resemblance to DJ Norman Cook and was waving one arm as if spinning a record whilst holding the other other his ear. I smiled.

Lastly back to horses and I rode a grey pony into an electrical shop to look for a new phone cover. After not being able to find one I left and arrived at my parents house. My dad greeted me asked me if I had any money. I appeared to be wearing a suit and I put my hand into the inside pocket of the jacket and removed my wallet.
I took out a wad of cash that was held together by a screw. Laughing my dad said to keep it as it would come in handy one day.
I then got out my phone and pushed a button that released a screwdriver attachment from the bottom of it. We both laughed out loud.

Thursday, 14 March 2013

Multi purpose tool

To start the night off I was watching three Chinese men dressed in grey suits & white shirts that were open at the neck.  They had filmed a trailer for a martial arts movie & required funding to make the film.  A female onlooker who I assumed was from a film company informed them that she wasn’t going to support their project.  They did not look happy.

I don’t normally write about my sexual dreams but this was a little odd in that I had had intercourse with a female that lived across the road from me but I didn’t know who she was.  After, being the gentleman that I am, I offered to walk her across the road back to her house. 
It was dark & still completely naked I used my penis as a torch & shone a light from the end of it to see the way to her house.  Upon reaching the front door of the woman’s house she asked me if we were now dating.  I just looked at her & said, “I’ll call you some time”.

Lastly I was asked to babysit for my aunt & Uncle Joan & Ron.  Arriving in my wife’s car I look for a parking space but then the car vanished as I was sat in it.  Knocking on the door my Aunt Joan opens it & is pleasantly surprised to see me.  She tells me to go into the living room as they are still getting ready.  Once in the living room I see there is a carrier bag on the table that is full of my favourite fruit cake.

Joan comes in & takes the bag with her saying it is for the party they are going to, I am very upset at this & ask her who I am babysitting.  She points at the sofa & sat there is my own dog sadly staring back at me with his ears drooped & a look on his face that says he’d rather not be there.

Wednesday, 13 March 2013

The longest journey

It was a dark night and I'd left work for home on my push bike. Fully aware that this was a dream because that's something I'd never do.
I was peddling hard and fast but moving at a snails pace, as if I was in first gear but I wasn't.
I must have been riding for about an hour but only covered about 5 feet of road. I looked to my left and saw the frame of another bike but it was brand new and complete with fancy brakes but no wheels. I decided I'd take it as spares for my bike and scooped it up with my left hand.

I continued cycling at the same slow pace getting absolutely nowhere and went on like this for what seemed all night.
People were walking along the street faster than I was moving!

Just prior to waking I seemed to have lost my bike and had entered a jewellery shop. There was a car parked in the middle of the shop with four men sat in the back. On one of the displays I noticed a necklace that had a large diamond pendant that was in the shape of a cream slice.

Tuesday, 12 March 2013

Cruise ship coke

I started off by being sat in my old maroon coloured Ford Fiesta with my dearly departed nan in the passenger seat.
We were around the corner from my mums house when both my mum and dad, who is also no longer with us, walked past us in the street. My nan shouted out my mums name but she didn't hear her but my dad turned round and smiled at us.
I arrived at the front door to my mums house and I was extremely thirsty.
I walked into the house and it was the interior of a cruise ship with extravagant cabaret acts and flashing lights. I saw a tall glass of coke on the table and started to drink it. It was amazing and I couldn't stop drinking it until it had all gone.
I woke up and took a drink from my bedside table.

Next I was in my back garden with my wife who was making herself beans on toast. I had a Robin and another small bird that I carefully picked up and placed into the guttering.
As I did this my wife sat at the garden table with her meal. Gav from work arrived then just as I removed a note from my pocket that was written by my mother in law.
I handed it to Gav, who asked me if I'd read it. I lied and said that I had. He then started to read the note but due to his accent I couldn't understand him.
I looked at my wife who was tucking into her beans on toast and she just shrugged her shoulders.

Monday, 11 March 2013

My baby doll

Last night I was going to work with my dad and my friend and work colleague Suki. Entering Becontree underground station I went to the ticket booth and my dad went to the one next to me.
I was asked which weekly ticket I wanted so I said an all zones one but my dad winked at me and said just one for London Bridge, knowing full well we were going further.

Down on the platform and we walked a few feet and there was a huge brick wall from track to ceiling. A train came in at speed and had to slam it's brakes on knocking all the passengers over on board.
My dad sent Suki off to sort out a bus as there were clearly going to be no trains to get us to work. As he left a huge crane on four legs that was operated by a man sat on top of it walked over the platform. It was like a giant mechanical spider.

Outside in the street I was holding a child's baby doll under my arm as Suki arrived driving a minibus. I got in and noticed that Suki also had a baby doll under his arm. My dad had been replaced by my mum and we drove to her house where we entered still carrying our dolls.

I went under the stairs in the hallway and started to urinate up the wall.
I awoke at this point needing the toilet.

Sunday, 10 March 2013

See through toilets & cupcakes

I was as ever in my mums house along with my wife and I went to use the toilet only to find that the door had been removed.
In its place was a sliding glass panel that when closed, the toilet was clearly visible from outside. I explained to my wife how unhappy I was at this but she insisted that no one would be watching. Still not convinced I looked in the room and found that there were two toilet brushes.
I removed one and placed it in the cupboard under the stairs but when I opened the door to the cupboard, our ginger cat, Bear was draped over the top of the door asleep.

In total contrast I was next visiting my osteopath and limped into his office complaining of a back ache.
For some reason I was wearing a fur lined hooded coat and knitted scarf. I sat down and removed my scarf and my osteopath handed me a banana skin and held out a bar code scanner as if it was a microphone.
He started talking but due to my fury hood I couldn't hear what he was saying. I removed my hood just as three women walked in the room holding a tray of cupcakes.
As they offered me the tray, I heard my osteopath say, "So when did you receive your head injury?"

Saturday, 9 March 2013

Poet pest

I was walking through the Essex town of Barking, I was alone and it was a nice sunny day.
As I strolled up the hill towards the tube station an odd looking man approached me. He pronounced himself as the people's poet and proceeded to reel off rhymes at me. He was incredibly annoying and I tried to turn away from him but every time I changed direction he followed me still rhyming.

I very bluntly told him to go away by swearing at him but he still wouldn't leave me alone. I walked through a bus shelter full of people and when he followed me he latched onto someone else and I made good my escape.

I was next driving through Leicester around the ring round with my younger sister as a passenger. She was a child and I was an adult.
On the other carriageway we watched as a black car spun out of control and rolled several times. We got out along with other drivers and ran over to help.
The driver of the car was out when we got there and was very aggressive towards everyone. As he was clearly ok we walked back towards my car.
As we approached where I'd left it, I said to my sister, "Did you leave your door open?" The car was gone!

Just before I went to bed last night I broke the plastic swing door from the cats litter tray and couldn't find the superglue to fix it so I left it.
In the final part of my dream I was in a white van parked in a street and had instructions to paint the van.
I only had a tiny brush so it was going to take me ages.
I searched through my tool tray to find a bigger one and found a tube of superglue. I said to myself, "Ah I need that for the cats door".

This morning I found the glue in my tool tray too!

Friday, 8 March 2013

Synchronised swimming dog team

I was following behind Lorraine from work as she ran with her pack of Doberman dogs. They were a canine synchronised display team and Lorraine trained them.
They ran and jumped in perfect timing until they all jumped into a swimming pool and one of them swam off in the wrong direction.
I jumped in and swam behind it as Lorraine and the rest of the pack got out and ran off.

I then walked into a supermarket and saw my old boss from when I worked in one many years ago. He was in his office talking to a sales rep who had given him a disposable lighter with the reps face on it.
Very impressed with his new gift they started to talk figures and I got bored and walked onto the shop floor. In the middle of the shop was a swimming pool. I jumped in and sank to the bottom then looked up and could see a bright light.

My normal reaction to being in water would be to totally panic as I have a fear of drowning. However I felt calm and happy and slowly swam up towards the light, I didn't reach the light as I woke up needing a wee.

Thursday, 7 March 2013

Victor Bravo

I was walking along a street when a Ford Anglia Police car stopped along side me.
On the door was a crest with the words 'Victor Bravo' under it. The driver was female and she lent over to talk to me.
I noticed that she was British Actress Sarah Alexander dressed as a police officer.
She asked me to help her on a very important mission and being keen to assist I said that I was happy to do anything she wanted.
She asked me to search for a large quantity of missing fresh fish and bring them back to her. My enthusiasm vanished totally at this as I hate the smell of fish and can't be anywhere near them. I walked away.

I was next in my Nan's old house and the carpet was made of mud. It was dry and dusty and I started to draw shapes into it and make faces.
This amused me for ages until I looked up and realised I was outside and saw the Ford Anglia pull up along side me again.
Sarah again looked over at me expectantly but I just turned away from her and left.

As I woke this morning I was saying out loud that I wasn't going out any more. I can recall having come back in from being out at work and I had an hour till my finish time, but I had decided not to do any more work.

Wednesday, 6 March 2013

Cheque please!

I was on a sandy beach, it was sunny and warm and there were a lot of people enjoying the day.
I found an oversized tennis ball and threw it at a man about 50 feet away from me. It hit him on the arm and he in turn threw it back at me but when I caught it, the ball spilt into two equal halves.

I then arranged a group game of throwing the half balls with hundreds of people in a line playing catch.
After a while I moved the fun inside a pub and decided to arrange a game of darts at £2 a head, one dart each, highest number wins the cash.
The darts didn't have any flights on them and no one could get one to stick in the board except me, I scored 9.
I was about to claim my prize when the lights went off and very loud music started to play. Over a megaphone someone shouted, "And now the World darts champion Liz Jarvis".

I turned to look and a female dressed in a louder shirt than the announcement entered the room.
I woke at this point, or so I thought. My wife asked me if I wanted cash or a cheque. I replied, "Cheque please".

I put the name Liz Jarvis into Google and she is a travel journalist. I wonder if she plays darts?

Tuesday, 5 March 2013

Giant fish come out to play

I was first off in the house of my mums next door neighbour from when I was younger.
Sitting with the family in the living room I could her the sound of an elephant, the noise it makes when blowing through its trunk. I told everyone that I was going to go to Rays house two doors up to see if his pet fish was coming out to play.

I approached Rays front door and as it was open I walked in. Ray was next to a large fish tank and was holding a massive fish in his arms and stroking it like a cat. It must of been about 4 feet long.
I made the decision that maybe it was too large to come out and play and left.

I was next at work in a large assembly hall and Malc one of our bosses was at the front addressing us.
He told us all to log onto the company web site and everyone seemed to have i pads except me. I peered over the shoulder of my wife at hers. Malc gave us an address and said that the first person to get there could go home early.
The result was that both myself and Shaz worked together to block the path of everyone else and we promptly arrived at the house first.

Once in the house Shaz opened an upstairs door and we entered to find several half naked Polish men and women.
One of the men fell off the end of a bed and we both laughed at him. Another man became very angry at this and rushed at me waving a metal stick. I pushed him in the chest and he fell to the floor and Shaz set about jumping on his chest.

I woke at this point so not sure of the outcome, but we seemed to be doing ok.

Monday, 4 March 2013

Invisible Pick pocket

Just a very brief dream from my brief sleep during today.
I was driving around a city centre at night, looking for a parking space. Although I was alone I had the feeling someone was constantly looking over my shoulder.

I found a spot for the car, locked it up and started to walk away.
As I did so I felt something in my back pocket. I spun around to see a hand pulling my wallet out.
I grabbed my wallet and shouted out. Fully rotating I could see that there was no one anywhere near me.

Sunday, 3 March 2013

Shopping centre jumper

A very short recollection from today's dream that was over in a matter of minutes.

I was on the top floor inside a large indoor shopping centre leaning on the rail looking down at all the shoppers below.
I climbed up onto the rail, balanced on it I held my arms out in front of me and adopted a dive position.

Leaping from the balcony my body descended in slow motion, majestically floating to the ground below in a perfect dive.
When I reached the bottom I folded back my arms against my body so that my head made contact with the ground.

Still in slow motion my head and shoulders disappeared into the floor and I stopped leaving the rest of my body swaying like an arrow that had been fired into the air and landed on the ground.

Saturday, 2 March 2013

Big snake

I was with someone that I didn't recognise but appeared to know him.
We were in a street and looking for a snake for some reason. The double yellow parking lines at the curb side of the road seemed very uneven and were about 8 feet long.
I peeled up one end of the painted lines and it started to pull away from the Tarmac. As I pulled it off the road it turned into an enormous snake.
Struggling with the massive reptile we quickly bundled it into a shop door, securing it shut.
I wrote on the door in felt pen, 'Big snake and I mean big!'

I was then standing in a mini crazy golf course along with Jamie from work. There was music playing and as Jamie was smashing golf balls as hard as he could, I was bouncing large red balloons into the air until one of them burst.

Friday, 1 March 2013

Lost in France in London

I was sat at a bar drinking a pint of beer, just to my left was a round table containing work colleagues. After sitting for the time it took me to consume my beer without anyone having spoken, I decided to go to the toilet.

Walking from the bar I found I was in a huge hotel and every door I looked at wasn't a toilet. This seemed to go on for ages, until I eventually found myself in the street.
I then started to wander hopelessly lost in London with the streets looking more like the roads surrounding my mums house.
I heard a horse approaching and when it got close to me it was a woman on a full size wooden rocking house and she was making the horse noises.

I walked off and then noticed that some tramps had started to follow me. Trying to shake them off I ducked into an alley only to find the horse rider. She was standing on her hands and was wearing skin tight leggings the same colour as the horse she had been riding. She said to me, "I am now the horse".

Lastly I'd woken up in my mums house only to be told that a female hairdresser had left her small child there and would be collecting it at 6pm.
Angry at this I attempted to call the woman but my phone would only play radio one every time I tried to dial out.

I then noticed mums back garden was a mud bath as people had been parking their cars in there. I went into the garden dropped to my knees and shouted at a woman from the next garden to put the fence up to stop anyone driving in.
Back in the kitchen I said to my mum, "Can you guess what singer I am?"
Looking bemused at me she shook her head.
"I'm Muddy Knees!"

I think I was referring to Muddy Waters, it was a real tumbleweed moment!

I woke up with the song, 'Lost in France' by Bonny Tyler in my head too.

09 10