Saturday, 31 August 2013

Lost in Luton

There seems to be a bit of a bus theme going on at the moment. 
I was sitting for hours on a bus and as I starred out of the window watching the World go by, I drifted off to sleep. 

The gentle bumping and low hum of the engine had me happily snoozing. 
I opened my eyes and noticed that we had stopped. I saw that we were parked outside of a railway station but the name of it made no sense as all the letters together didn't make a legible word. 

I approached the bus driver and asked where I was. The reply was Luton. 
Stepping off the bus and surveying my surroundings I had a feeling of being completely lost. 


Friday, 30 August 2013

A breath of fresh air

The setting was my mums bedroom and there was a man there I didn't know. On the wall was a huge TV screen and I was asking the unknown male who he was. 

As he happily gave me his details I tapped them into a keyboard and the information was displaying on the TV screen. 
I was just inputting his date of birth when a car pulled up in the street below. The man opened the window and leapt out. 

I looked to my right and noticed my small wooden framed greenhouse against the wall. Viewing it with confusion as it was clearly out of place, I opened the lid to it.  
Inside was one of those battery operated air fresheners that squirt every few minutes. 
I moved closer to it baffled as to its presence when it shot a fragrant burst into my face. 


Thursday, 29 August 2013

The holy Grail

Two very short memories from last night. The first being me as often is the case, on a mode of public transport. This time a bus. 
There was a man sitting opposite me minding his own business. I approached him and crouched down so that I could whisper into his ear. 

I said to the man, "I have the secret of all eternity, come with me and I shall show the most sacred of all things, the Holy Grail. "
This clearly captured the mans imagination as he followed me off the bus at the next stop. 

The next thing I knew, I was outside the front door to my house when my neighbour arrived. He had just returned from his holiday in Spain and handed me a gift from the country. 

It was a small very light gift wrapped in yellow tissue paper. My neighbour grinned at me in anticipation of me unwrapping it. 
I carefully pulled away the tissue paper to reveal the cardboard centre of a toilet roll. 
I wasn't impressed. 


Wednesday, 28 August 2013

Ryan's party extravaganza

The initial part of my dream involved me chasing a man along a street. It was unclear what he had done but he had a head start on me and I wasn't going to catch him. 
He reached an almost vertical mud bank with trees and rocks scattered up the slope. I thought I had a chance of gaining some ground but he jumped and climbed at such a pace I stopped defeated. 

Suddenly from out of nowhere strung Friend and work colleague Gareth. He bounded up the slope in huge jumps and landed on the shoulders of the fleeing man. 
Once clamped on he fell backwards rolling down the hill with the man still firmly in his grip. After several rolls Gareth let go of him and the man continued rolling and landed at my feet. 
I looked down at him smiling, thinking, 'Not so clever now'. 

Next my wife and I had attended a party hosted by friends Ryan and his wife Caroline at their house. 
As we entered the kitchen I was informed by Caroline that Ryan had arranged an elaborate party game and everyone had a part to play. 
We each had a plastic clip board with instructions on and these had to be followed to the letter or the game would be ruined. 

As I stood attempting to read my instructions and struggling as I didn't have my glasses Ryan walked past me and playfully punched me in the back. This coincided with some actual pain I am currently experiencing and turning in bed I felt the pain in the dream and fell on the floor. 

When I got up I walked into the garden to see everyone acting out their part and it was like an amateur dramatic play. 
Ryan and Caroline looked over at me and this seemed to indicate that it was my turn to perform. I glanced down at my clipboard only to find that it was empty and must have come off during my fall. 

Ryan started to pace up and down the garden in a stress that all his planning was ruined and Caroline just looked at him shaking her head. 
Then the pain in my back was becoming uncomfortable as I slept again as this time in the dream someone grabbed me from behind with one arm around my neck and then it felt like they were pushing a blunt instrument into my back. 
The pain was so bad I woke up. 


Tuesday, 27 August 2013

Super Mario Maximus

To start with I was at my mums house and my uncle Pat and his wife arrived unexpectedly at the door. 
Standing in the living room talking my uncle stood on a chair and took a screw out of the curtain rail. 

He then started to walk around the house picking up items and putting them in his pockets. He kept concealing what he was taking by turning his back on us. 

I was next with a man I didn't know. He took me into a very tall tower made of bricks. We climbed the stairs to reach the top but the view wasn't very good as other buildings were taller and blocked out the landscape. 

At the top the man pushed at a wall and a secret compartment opened into a hidden room. Entering the room I could see two sets of work mans overalls hanging from the wall. 
The man started to dress into one of the overalls and told me to wear the other set. 
I asked him why and he just said, "Why not". As I put on the overall I looked into a mirror and saw that I was dressed as a super Mario brother. 


Monday, 26 August 2013

I love music

As often is the case when sleeping during the day, my dream patten gets completely messed up. 

No exception for today in that I have just woken with the song, 'I love music' in my head. 
A 1975 hit for The O'Jays, it includes the line, 'Nothing can be better than a sweet love song So sweet So sweet So mellow, mellow'. 


Sunday, 25 August 2013

Invisible notes

I remember dreaming today and spending a great deal of time making notes about the dreams on my phone. 
I even took the time to correct spellings so that I'd understand what I'd written when I woke up. 

When I did wake up the notes section on my phone was completely blank. 
So my dream was that I was making notes about what I'd dreamt about. Which was making notes. I think. 


Saturday, 24 August 2013

Noah's train

A bit of a twist the the biblical story of Noah loading the animals onto his ark two by two. 
Last night I was leading them off of a train two by two. And I was slightly limited on species as I only had Rhinos, pigs and giant snakes. 

I'd kicked out the wooden panel to the side of the carriage and the animals were exiting into a desert. The snakes were the same size as the Rhinos and massively long. 

Whilst this was going on I could hear a song playing in the background. 
It was Take That with Prey. 


Friday, 23 August 2013

Pooh and breadcrumbs

Firstly I was in a house that I didn't recognise. There was a woman running around from room to room in a very confused and distressed state. 
In one of the rooms I found a black baby that was naked and crying. 

I held the baby up but at arms length as if it was contagious and it started to pooh. Loose runny pooh was pouring out of it like a brown chocolate waterfall. I put it down and left the house. 

I was next in my nan's old house and all the worktops and tables were covered in breadcrumbs. I walked around scooping them up into my hands shaking my head and tutting to myself at the mess. 

As I was doing this one of my childhood neighbours called Robert appeared at the door and told me he had free tickets to go and watch West Ham United football club and I could have them. 

With my hands full of breadcrumbs I informed Robert that I wasn't really much of a fan anymore and that I'd give them to some of the West Ham fans at work. 
When I actually looked at Robert, it wasn't him but a stranger. 
Confused I left without any free tickets but still holding the breadcrumbs. 


Thursday, 22 August 2013

King Kong's demise

King Kong the massive ape of movie legend was terrorising the streets by climbing skyscrapers and squashing cars and people. 
He had made his way to an airport where planes were crashing as he swatted them like flies. 

To save the day was the normal sized superhero Batman along with a small stuffed monkey that had come to life. 
Batman was a little mixed up as he could shoot spiderwebs out of his wrists like Spider-Man. This proved handy because as the beast was confused by a tiny stuffed monkey dancing at his feet, Batman sealed up the apes eyes with webs. 

Clutching his face in a mixture of panic and anger the giant ape crashed to the floor and died but unfortunately the toy monkey was crushed by his fall. 
Hailed a hero, Bateman took all the credit and the small stuffed toy was forgotten and remained an unsung hero. 


Wednesday, 21 August 2013

Caravan hell

I was my friend and work colleague Fran and my wife in a caravan. No idea where we were but it was one of those big long static ones reminiscent of 1970's family holidays. 
Fran and my wife were getting ready for a fancy dress party and insisted that I put on a pink frilly party dress. Despite my protests I found myself sitting looking out of the caravan window in a girls party dress. 

On the lawn outside I could see a wicker basket which was turning in circles on its own. 
As I looked closer and the opening to the basket came into view, I saw a huge tuna fish wriggling inside it. I ran outside and pushed the basket under the caravan where there was water and the tuna swam off. 

Back inside the caravan I went into the very small bathroom and knocked a bottle of shampoo off of the sink with the hem of my dress as I turned around. 
The neck of the bottle broke off and shampoo, which was green, covered the floor. 
I tried to pick it up with my hands but I was just getting into a mess. 

Finally I was in a swimming pool, minus the pink dress and I'd taken the skin from a crocodile and placed it over an inflatable bed. The crocodile skin was yellow and green and fitted perfectly. 
I then attempted to sit on the bed as it floated in the pool but fell off.  


Tuesday, 20 August 2013

Robson Green's extreme swimming

Had that falling sensation twice last night. Where you are descending downwards, arms and legs flailing in panic and then just as you hit the floor you sit bolt upright in bed. 

After my second awakening I started to dream that I was approaching a naked man. Just as I reached him I saw him move his hand as if concealing something and I shouted out, "Watch his hand". The man had a huge stab wound in his belly and he continued to move his hand and poked two fingers into the cut and blood poured out. 

Lastly I was actor, TV presenter and fisherman, Robson Green. Fully dressed I started to walk into a river and as the water level reached my waist I began swimming. 
After a while I entered a shop but was still in water. Within the shop was 4x4 truck that was hanging from the ceiling. 

I started to rock the truck back and forth until it fell crashing to the floor. I then started to swim out of the shop but hiding under overhanging branches to avoid being seen by the shop staff. 


Monday, 19 August 2013

I get so emotional

I was wandering in a very peaceful location last night, full of green sweeping hills, trees and open fields. 

It would have been a very tranquil setting for me to ponder my existence and contemplate life in general. This was however ruined by Whitney Houston singing about how emotional she gets! 

I get so emotional, baby 
Every time I think of you 
I get so emotional, baby 
Ain't it shocking what love can do 
Ain't it shocking what love can do 

Thanks Whitney! 


Sunday, 18 August 2013

Come on feel the A team

To begin my nights journey I was at my nan's old house where I spent most of my childhood. 
I was with two others but didn't recognise them. We had opened the double doors between the dining room and the living room to make a football pitch and were using a birds fat ball as a football. 
As we played we all laughed out loud and I was so happy. In the background Slade played, "Come on feel the noise". I didn't want it to end. 

I was next part of the A team, the TV version not the film. I wasn't any particular character, just an additional member. 
We had swooped on a hearse that was empty but had two females in the front. 
They were quickly apprehended and in true A team style, not harmed in any way. That was until I decided to prevent them from running off I would shoot them both in the kneecap. 

I was lastly in a restaurant about to tuck into a huge fried breakfast when the alarm woke me for work! Doh.  


Saturday, 17 August 2013

If you like Pina Coladas

"If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.
If you're not into yoga, if you have half-a-brain.
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape.
I'm the lady you've looked for, write to me, and escape."

That's all I have as the alarm cut into my sleep this morning at 05.30. The 1979 hit from Rupert Holmes. 


Friday, 16 August 2013

Who am I?

I was on a bus, standing up due to it being packed, I was looking out of the window and just couldn't recognise where I was. 
The bus stopped and in the movement of passengers wishing to disembark I was ushered unwillingly into the street. 

Once in the street it confirmed that I had no idea where I was, nothing was familiar and I started to wander feeling lost and frightened. 
It was at this point that I wandered into a restaurant and a waitress approached me and asked me if I wanted a table. 
I just said, "I don't know who I am!"

The waitress put her coat on and told me I was going home with her and we walked out of the restaurant. 

The last part of my dream I was again wandering on my own but this time in a large green area that I used to play in as a child. 
It was enclosed by a concrete fence and there was no way out. I walked for hours before finding a gap in the fence that was large enough for me to escape. 


Thursday, 15 August 2013

Multi coloured lizards

I began my dream by staring at a wall mirror. It was large with a brown leather frame. 
I spent what seemed like hours just looking into the mirror before I actually realised I couldn't see my reflection. 

Next along with my wife we visited the house of a very fat man to see his pets. Sat in the living room with the fat man was his fat son and fat daughter. There was a large circular domed cage in the centre of the room. 

A one legged dog laid in front of the fire and a black cat jumped on my lap. In the cage were tiny mouse like creatures brightly coloured and jumping from perches like birds. 
I put my hand in the cage and picked up two large lizards from the bottom. They were an array of different colours and I placed one in the lap of the fat son. 
The son squirmed in terror as it climbed up his body. 

Lastly just before my dog jumped on me and woke me I was hiding behind a garden wall after stealing a BBQ from it and the house owner who was dressed in a white sheet was searching for it. 


Wednesday, 14 August 2013

Al Murray's pants

An extremely brief encounter last night with me watching the legend Al Murray performing live on stage. 
He was his usual brilliant self with the only difference being he was doing his act in his underpants. 

The pants were standard white coloured Y fronts that looked slightly grey. Maybe it was the stage lighting casting a shadow or maybe it was the combination of the wrong detergent and washing at too low a temperature. 


Tuesday, 13 August 2013

Ghost visit

I began by riding a horse in Scotland with hundreds of other people and collapsing along with the horse at the top of a large hill. 
Once slightly recovered I looked out to see a pub in the distance and knew I needed to have my photo taken with the pub in the background to prove I'd completed the ride. 

I saw a man I didn't know close by and called out to him to take my photo. He wasn't hearing me so I shouted out, "Paul, Paul!"  He turned around and approached me and I handed him my camera. 
I stood with my back to the pub but Paul just walked off stealing my camera! 

I was next visiting my mum who was acting strangely when I spoke to her. She was confused and was having trouble remembering things. At one point she forgot who I was. 
Upset by this I decided to go upstairs to my old childhood bedroom. When I entered it was exactly as it was when I was a child. The bed even had boxes of games and toys spread out over it. 

I needed some help with my mum so I phoned my work colleague Ghost, long story as to why he's called this but he was close by at the shops. 
He said he didn't know where my mums house was so I gave him directions from his location. 

While I was waiting for Ghost to arrive I decided to clear my bed ready for sleep later and I also took off my jeans and sat on the floor in my pants. 


Monday, 12 August 2013

Chris Evans V Mr Bean

I was in central London high up on a rooftop looking at the busy streets below. 
I was dropping Skittle sweets onto a shop canopy for my own amusement when I could hear the very irritating voice of TV presenter Chris Evans. 
He was on the roof of the building across the street and was shouting about an event on Thursday. I stopped listening as I saw above his head a steam train which was running on a track around the row of buildings. 

Looking back down at the canopy I'd been dropping Skittles onto, it suddenly drooped down releasing hundreds of sweets onto the street below like multi coloured rain. 
Glancing back over at Chris I saw him trying to climb off the roof into a door. He climbed a ladder and stuck his head onto the bottom of Mr Bean who was coming down the ladder. 

The two then started shouting and pushing each other in a battle to gain supremacy on the ladder. I watched for a while laughing but then my gaze wandered back to the busy streets traffic. 


Sunday, 11 August 2013

Drugs and stolen goods

I was back in my old local pub down in Essex and as I entered the saloon bar I saw my dads best friend and his wife. They were both completely wasted and couldn't even speak. 
Not getting any sense from either of them I walked around into the public bar which was totally empty apart from my dad. 

I told my dad about his mate and he asked me to roll him a joint and handed me some cannabis. 
It took me ages to put some cigarette papers together and then I sprinkled the cannabis into it. I asked my dad for some tobacco and he handed me his pouch which was full of grass. 

With my head down painstakingly compiling a joint I looked up and suddenly noticed the bar was full and everyone was looking at me. 

I was next entering the delivery yard of a warehouse. As I entered I saw a white van laying on its side with the keys in the ignition. 
I called out but no one replied, in the middle of the floor were two new chairs. I took them outside and returned to take some more. I removed two more chairs before someone shouted out, "Stop thief". 

Quickly running outside I flipped the van onto its wheels, loaded up my stolen chairs and drove off laughing as I watched the frantic staff in my rear view mirror waving angry fists at me. 

Saturday, 10 August 2013

The power of trees

There wasn't much of a flow to last nights dreaming, lots going on but nothing seemed really connected. 
I was firstly invited by a pub landlady to the staff area for a sandwich. Having accepted the offer and devoured the cheese sandwich, (on white), I made a move back into the bar. He landlady then threw a T towel at me and told me to get serving behind the bar. Apparently the sandwich wasn't free!

I was next walking along a street and approached a house, as I did so Clare from work came out of the house dressed in green knee high shorts and boots. She carried on up the street and I knocked on the front door. 
A man opened it and despite having just seen Clare I asked him if she was home. He rightly looked confused and closed the door. I then turned and walked towards a wooded area. As I got closer to it I started to feel strong and powerful. 
It dawned on me that I could gain strength and power from the trees. I held up arms above my head and started to fly high into the sky. 

Next I was back in the pub and I saw Harry and Paul from work. They were just leaving as I entered and I asked Paul to stay but he didn't understand me as he was talking in a foreign language. I tried to talk to Harry but me told me that he had to leave and help someone else. 

Lastly I could feel a cool breeze on my face and I was in my mums bedroom with the windows open. I then heard a voice from downstairs that said, "Who let all the cold in?" I quickly tried to shut the windows as I heard footsteps ascending he stairs. 
Just as I closed the last window I felt a presence behind me, I turned to look but as I did, turned in bed and woke up. 


Friday, 9 August 2013

I'm so childish

An odd occurrence in that I nodded off briefly at work whilst sitting in a van in the early hours of the morning. This is not the dream,that's what happened. 
I then had one of those odd moments where the dream was so real that I thought it was really happening.

I'd opened the passenger door to the van and stepped out for some fresh air.  I looked back into where I'd been sitting and saw my work colleague George in the drivers seat and myself in the passenger seat sound asleep.  

I carefully opened the door and approached the sleeping me. I put my face right up to my other self and as I did this I transformed into a child. George was watching me as I did this and as I starred the boy me suddenly opened his eyes.

Such was the shock of this that it bolted me out of my sleep and I shouted out in fright totally alarming George in the process. 
Getting home this morning I've slept the sleep of all sleeps and didn't dream at all, at least my wife gets some rest from my ramblings. For today at least.


Thursday, 8 August 2013

Mary Peters porn mag

No idea why but I dreamt about Mary Peters, former British athlete, best known as a competitor in the pentathlon and shot put. 

Mary was laying in bed reading a porn magazine. She was reading out various stories to me and pointing to the accompanying pictures as if it was a normal publication. 

I didn't speak the entire time but just stood opened mouthed in disbelief. 
She was as I remembered her in the 1970's with her long blonde hair. 

Wednesday, 7 August 2013

Ain't nobody

Ain't nobody
Loves me better
Makes me happy
Makes me feel this way
Ain't nobody
Loves me better, than you

That's all I have today, those lyrics on a constant loop playing in my head. 
Really annoying. 


Tuesday, 6 August 2013

Hit the road slug

I was sat in a garden, not one that I knew along with my older sister. We were eating raw courgettes as if they were apples and crunching away whilst chatting. 
My sister then pointed out that there was a slug on her courgette. When I looked it started multiplying and creating an exact double of itself. Each one that appeared half sat over the next one so that it resembled an aardvarks outer shell until the courgette was completely covered in an armour. 

I was next at Becontree station on London's district underground line. 
In the lobby Paul Weller was performing 'Hit the road Jack' whilst wearing a dressing gown. It was a traditional styled one with a rope tie cord around the waist. 
As he finished his song someone in the audience said that he charges £50 a song and that this was his last one. 
Paul raised his right arm and thanked the crowd before putting on his slippers and leaving the stage. 


Monday, 5 August 2013

Wee and tea

Yet again my dreaming reflected that I needed the toilet and gave me a visual reminder. 
I was in my old childhood bedroom and desperate for the loo. I looked under the bed and found a child's potty. I was as my adult self and so was surprised when I fitted on it.  

I looked around and couldn't locate any toilet paper and so decided to abort the mission. Standing up and with just my underpants on I began to urinate soaking myself in the process. I woke at this point and used the toilet. 

I next found myself in my mums living room and my dearly departed dad was there. He asked me to make him a cup of tea and I was delighted to do so. 
I entered the kitchen and saw my mum in the garden standing at the back door. 
There was a huge tea making machine in the kitchen and I saw that mum had made tea for dad but forgot about it and it was now cold. 

I set about switching the machine on but it just poured water all over the worktop and floor. I called out to my mum for help but she just peered around the door frame looking at me without speaking. 


Sunday, 4 August 2013

Spider-Man on wheels

I was strolling along a street that I didn't recognise when I came across a large glass fish tank laying on its side. 
It was full of water and plants. As I proceeded further there were more tanks laid end to end. A woman was attending to them and I wondered how the water remained in the tanks. 

I was next part of a team of rollerbladers that were inside a huge Olympic size racing track. The track was wooden, circular and raised like the cycling tracks. 
My team were all dressed in full Spider-Man outfits and got together for a group hug. 
The race began and they all started completing circuits of the track by skating up the walls. I watched for a while, waited until the end and crossed the line behind them pretending to have completed the whole race. I then saw TV presenter Davina McCall roll in on blades to interview the team. 
I decided to leave as she annoys me. 


Saturday, 3 August 2013

Floods and yellow soup

A motor home was driving along a road that was flooded. Such was the extent of the flood water that it looked like a boat pushing through the tide. The force of the vehicle caused water to flow into shops and houses as it cut through the flooded street. 
Inside was a family of four. They were frantically trying to prevent water getting in through the windows and used the teenage daughter to plug any leaks by laying her across the glass and then packing clothes around her. 

The motor home stopped at a restaurant and the family all got out and sat at a table. I then found that I was sitting at the same table. We were served bowls of soup and all looked at each other confused as when the soup arrived it was bright yellow.  


Friday, 2 August 2013

Butterfly collector

More of a random collection of scenes and events than any real structure to last nights dreaming. I began by watching some chickens growing out of the ground. They were perfectly formed hens that grew before my eyes, just that their legs were rooted into the ground.  

I was next in a B&Q DIY store where a man was being fitted with a pair of shoes. He had size 24 feet and needed specialist equipment to lower then into place. 

Lastly all I could hear was the song, 'The butterfly collector' from one of my all time favourite bands, The Jam. A hit as a B side to Strange Town in 1979. 


Thursday, 1 August 2013

Who are you?

Who are you 
Who who who who
Who are you 
Who who who who

Annoyingly that all I have in my head today upon waking. The 1978 hit from The Who. 
The down side to having an alarm cut into my dreaming at 5am! 

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