Saturday, 30 November 2013

Blow dart

I was in a supermarket and a blind woman asked me to help her find her husband. I took hold of her arm and walked towards a ten pin bowling lane. 
At the lane was her husband and I sat with the woman. She wouldn't let go of my arm. 

I was next visiting my doctor and I met him in a hospital corridor. A man was walking away from us and when the doctor wasn't watching, I used a tube to blow a poison dart at the man. It hit him in the back of the neck and he fell to the floor. 

When the doctor saw this he ran to help him. I then needed the toilet and walked into the gents. 
There were people sat at a table having dinner. I needed the toilet so much I just did it in front of them. 
I woke up needing the toilet. 


Friday, 29 November 2013

A reflection of me

At my mums house I was adult me and my older sister was a child. She was holding my chest board and was heading out of the house. 
I asked her what she was doing and she explained that she was taking it to school. 

I said I would get the chess peices but they were in the loft. I opened the loft hatch and popped my head up. Scanning the roof space I couldn't see anything. Suddenly two cocker spaniel dogs ran at me happily wagging their tails. 

I was next in the street outside a multi storey car park. Hundreds of Asian men were running around inside it fighting. 
A group of them surrounded me and I calmly put them at ease by smiling and chatting to them. 

As I walked away I noticed I had nothing on my feet. As I left, lots of people wearing orange tabards arrived, they all looked very serious. 

I arrived at a small log cabin and it was very untidy. I set about cleaning and tidying up. I caught my reflection in a glass door and it wasn't me. 
I glanced in a mirror and my reflection was my work colleague Paul smiling back at me. 


Thursday, 28 November 2013

I think your crazy

I remember when, I remember, I remember when I lost my mind. There was something so special about that place. 

That's what I have this morning, the 2006 hit, 'Crazy' from Gnarls Barkley. 
I was woken by an alarm again which clearly interferes with any dream I may have been having. 


Wednesday, 27 November 2013

Shotgun dilemma

I was to start with standing next to a shed with the three members of the show, Top Gear. No one was speaking but it was excepted that I needed to go inside the shed. All three gave encouraging looks at me and the shed. 

I turned the handle to the door and slowly pushed it open and tentivley peered inside. I glanced back at the Top Gear presenters and they faded and vanished before my eyes. 
I turned my attention back to the shed and it too had vanished. 

I was next in an open area that was totally white. I couldn't tell if it was outside or in as I just seemed to be surrounded by nothing. 
As I starred around attempting to focus on something, a short man with a beard appeared pointing a shotgun at me. 

He simply said, "Arm or leg, it's up to you?" Alarmed by the prospect of being shot and that I was given a choice where I was shot, I decided to take neither option. I ran off. 


Tuesday, 26 November 2013

Polite Maximus

A really brief dream last night, in that it took place just before waking up and was cut short by my wife's alarm call. 

I'd gone into see Pat one of my supervisors at work and taken a guy into his department for him to process. 
Walking up to Pat's desk I greeted him with a big smile and a hello. 

I then said, "I'd like to introduce this man to you, isn't it a lovely day".
In turn my politeness made Pat happy and the guy I'd taken in too. 

I stood there engaging in happy banter when I heard a strange loud voice filling the room. The three of us all stopped and looked around confused. 
I woke at this point to the sound of a minion from the film Despicable me 2. 


Monday, 25 November 2013

Lost in Barking

I was wandering around the Essex town of Barking. It was night time but the shops were all open. Having grown up in Barking and Dagenham, I was confident I knew my way around. 

I needed to go to the Boots store and headed off in that direction. I became very upset when the store wasn't where I remembered it. 
In fact nothing was where it used to be and I didn't recognise anything. 

I kept walking and ended up out of the town centre through a housing estate. 
Ahead of me I saw a small scruffy mongrel dog. He wagged his tail and ran to a front door of a house. 

I knocked on the door and a female opened it. Clearly the dog was hers as it was very happy to see her.  She thanked me and as I walked away I could see her laughing at me. 

I looked down at my attire and saw that I was wearing my tiger onesie. 
I smiled to myself and walked off into the darkness. 


Sunday, 24 November 2013

Stately mess

I started off by holding a video camera. I switched it on to see what was recorded on it and found it was my step Son Michael in a harbour in Italy. He wasn't an adult but had reverted to about 10 years old. 

I watched as he jumped on a skateboard and rolled off the edge of the harbour onto a boat. He continued skating across from boat to boat to angry shouts from the owners. 

Police serins could be heard approaching and Michael jumped off a yacht back onto dry land, flipped the board with his foot catching it and calmly walked away as the police arrived. 

I was lastly in a grand stately house sitting watching TV. The door opened and a bunch of tourists entered. They looked unsure if they should be there as they saw me with my feet on a table. 

I told them to carry on through the house and as I looked up at the ceiling I could see water dripping down and a huge bubble was forming full of water. 
I ran upstairs to find the source of the leak. 

I entered a child's play room and started to pull back the carpet. The floor was wet but I couldn't see the leak. 
Suddenly the door opened and two men dressed in white military uniforms entered. They both had a row of medels on their chest. 

Following behind them were hundreds of people and two children who were both screaming. One of the men pleaded with me, "Help us, stop these children screaming!"

I decided the best course of action was for me to leave. I ran outside where it was sunny and warm. A posh looking lady called my name and handed me 28p in change. 
She said, "Go to the co op and get Yvonne out of the car park". 
I then woke up. 


Saturday, 23 November 2013

Suburban trenches

With a house move in less than a weeks time I'm not surprised that thoughts of it have influenced my dreams. 

I was busy packing and cleaning our current house ready to hand it back to the landlord when my wife came in. 
She told me she had tidied the garden which concerned me as she doesn't do gardening. 

I looked out of the window to see that the normally immaculate front lawn had been dug into elaborate trenches. It looked like a scene from the First World War. 

Glancing at my wife who had a massive smile on her face, clearly proud of her achievements, I was opened mouthed and in shock. 
I picked up a shovel and started to walk outside wondering how I was going to cover it up. 


Friday, 22 November 2013


A very short sleep after my last night shift and I woke thinking I'd slept all day only to be disappointed with just over four hours. 

Wasn't aware that I had been dreaming until I realised I could hear tap dancing coming from the end of the bed. 
When I looked down I saw my feet in black leather shoes. 

As I'm not in the habit of wearing shoes to bed, I'm putting it down as a dream. 


Thursday, 21 November 2013

A toast to you

Very brief but odd encounter today with work colleague Bimmo taking the staring role. 

He was making himself some toast in a small room that I had the impression was on an upper floor. 
Bimmo was using the grill section within an oven and as one side of his toast became browned, a naked female came into the room. 

The woman was bleeding from a head wound and instead of helping her, Bimmo took a slice of toast from under the grill and held it at the woman's head so that her blood dripped onto the bread. 

He then replaced the bread under the grill and watched it toast the blood under the heat. As he watched he licked his lips in anticipation. 
I fortunately woke before he did anything else. 


Wednesday, 20 November 2013

Drummer boy

I sat on a stool with a full set of drums before me, drumsticks in my hands ready to play. 

I clicked the sticks together and mouthed, one two, one two three four. 
I crashed down on the drumskins and out came.........

Drip, drip, drop
Little April showers?

I had to look it up, and the tune is from the 1942 Walt Disney film Bambi. 


Tuesday, 19 November 2013

That don't impress me

Weird that after my first night shiftz, I often wake up after a solid sleep with nothing more than a song playing on a loop in my head. 

Today it's the 1998 hit, 'That don't impress me much' from Shania Twain. 

Okay, so you're a rocket scientist! 


Monday, 18 November 2013

Special D CID

I was with an old man and his wife, the man had been the victim of a crime and I was trying to help him. 
I decided to help out by writing down what had happened and started by asking the man his name and age. 

The man was called Judd and he was 89 years old. As I started to write this my pen ran out. I took out another pen which had purple ink. 
As I again wrote the mans story, the ink started to spread and run into the paper making it totally purple. 

As I screwed up the paper in annoyance the mans wife said, "In the Japanesse cities, only people who live there are allowed into the city at night".  
I glanced a quizzical look at the man who returned an equally puzzled look at me. 

Suddenly the door opened and in walked a cop from CID to investigate the crime. I recognised the cop as work colleague Daniel who I call Special D. 
Special D was dressed in tight black leather trousers and a grey and black coloured quilted style jumper. 

Under his arm he held a clipboard which he looked at as he spoke. "I want a full forensic sweep of this room and I have taken this as evidence".  He held up a tiny light bulb that he had in his pocket. 

I looked around to see who he was actually talking too but he was alone. When I got a better look at his clipboard I saw that there was a blank page on it. 


Sunday, 17 November 2013

French cauliflower

I was working in a large supermarket and appeared to be on the vegetable isle. 
The boss was following me around keeping an eye on what I was doing. 

I quickened my pace and rounded a corner into another isle and grabbed a cauliflower. Before the boss could catch up I had started running and reaching the end of the isle, I vanished into thin air. 

I re appeared on a caravan site in France. As I started to wander in and out of the caravans, the occupants, some of which were seated on deck chairs outside, eyed me suspiciously. 

I took a knife out of my pocket and started to cut at the cauliflower I was still carrying. 
After a while I stopped at a little caravan and planted the cauli in the ground like they were flowers and walked off. 

Lastly I was playing street football with a bunch of other kids. I was a child too and I was in goal. 
There was a lot kicking of the ball back and forth but no one was really any good and we all got very bored. 

Everyone stopped playing and I saw my chance and smashed the ball into the other goal. My running around waving my arms in the air victoriously, was not well received. 


Saturday, 16 November 2013

Gardens, eggs and custard creams

A combination of random dreams from last night as I slept soundly. 
In the first I was a judge in a garden competition and there were four entrants left. 

I noticed that one of the semi finalists was the daughter of Ann who I know from work, who was there supporting her daughter.  Unfortunately her daughter was confused and had entered thinking it was a swimming competition. 

I quickly dismissed two gardens for not having a path and told Ann that her daughter had as good as won. I approached the only garden left in the competition shaking my head. They were very confused. 

I was next in a pub stood on the bar and needed to get ready for work. I had one hour. As I looked down I could see friends and people from work sat at tables. 
I noticed Jimbo unwrapping sweets that were the shape and size of chicken eggs. 
Suki was reading a newspaper and without looking up he said, "Hook a brother up man, give me a chicken sweet". 

I then saw Mary who reminded me I needed to go to work, it was 16.25 and I started at 17.00. 
I needed a wash and so pulled a shower curtain across the bar to give myself privacy. 

Deciding that I really have no time to wash and should get to work, I pull back the shower curtain and find I am out in the street. 
I jump from the bar and start running through the streets. Reaching a covered walkway I see an old fashioned horse drawn cart. 

I hear music and laughter, crowds of people are gathering around the cart. From within the cart a mans voice can be heard. The first thing I see coming from the cart is the mans big nose. 
As he gets further out, the extent of his nose becomes apparent. It's at least 12 feet long. 

Everyone looks at him in amazement as he finally disembarks from the cart. The only other feature visible of the man is his face, the rest of him is a giant Custard Cream biscuit, complete with arms and legs. 
In time with the music the giant biscuit starts to dance. 

Just as I woke up I thought my wife was snoring and so nudged her and asked her to stop. 
It was infact the other way around and my very surprised but awake wife was nudged from me still sleeping! 


Friday, 15 November 2013

If the cap fits

I was in the street outside my mums house and performing some car maintenance. This is how I knew it was a dream as I know nothing about cars. 

With the bonnet up I was tinkering and fine tuning my car when my mums old neighbour David came out to me. He looked over my car and told me that the headlight bulb wasn't working and promptly left. 

I went inside mums house but found myself inside a horse stable. My wife was there and I told her about the headlight bulb. 
There was a knock on the door and the postman handed me two parcels wrapped in brown paper. They were the shape of baseball caps and addressed to my wife. 


Thursday, 14 November 2013

Strawberry fields

Really nothing to my dream last night other than I was in a massive field surrounded by strawberries. 

As I looked around the field of soft red fruit I started coughing. Uncontrollably and it forced me out of my sleep and I sat upright still coughing!  


Wednesday, 13 November 2013

Number 41

I started off my being sat in an original 1960's mini, it was blue. I was waiting for my wife who was getting some food from KFC. 

Due to parking restrictions I had to keep moving and after what seemed like an age to be ordering some chicken, I parked outside and walked in. 
There was no other customers than my wife and the two staff members were unable to get the order right. 
I looked at my wife and told her we'll go elsewhere. 

We were next both inside a car, I'm unsure if it was the blue mini. Sat in a residential new build of houses, they all looked the same. 
Across from where we were parked was a house with a large number 41 on the door. 

I explained to my wife that the house, unassuming as it appeared was in fact a museum. A shrine to some historical event that had happened in the areas past. 

Not thinking that my wife was all that interested in what I was telling her, I stopped talking and glanced over at her to see that she was sound asleep. 
I woke up at this point and my wife was sound asleep next to me in bed. 


Tuesday, 12 November 2013

Return of the 70's

For the second time in a week my good friend Matt appears in my dream. 
Last night we were in pub and hidden in an upstairs room Matt found a time machine made from a child's activity toy. 

We knew it was a time machine as someone had written 'Time Machine' on the toy in felt pen. 
Sceptical that it would work and was just a joke, I entered 1970 onto the clock. 

I pushed a button and felt a strange pulsating feeling come over my entire body and I felt slightly sick. We both looked at each other quizzical as to what just happened. 

We rushed to the window and looking out I found we were in my Nan's old house where I spent most of my childhood in the 70's. 

Outside in the street were old Ford Capris and Ford Cortinas each full of people wearing flared trousers, wide collars and with huge hair. And they were all smoking. 

Matt looked at me and said, "I don't like it, let's go back". Grabbing hold of the toy he frantically pushed buttons to no avail. We were stuck in 1970! 


Monday, 11 November 2013

Street talk

I didn't think I was going to dream last night. I went to bed early with my man flu, feeling very sorry for myself. 
Hours of coughing and sneezing and with small naps resulted in nothing. 

Just prior to waking up however I was standing in the street talking to a man I didn't know. I was telling him that I sold my old i phone 4 for £100 and it wasn't even fully functional. 

As I told him this a woman and her son approached us. The boy was about 10 years old. 
After listening to us for a while the woman asked if the i phone 5 was good. I informed her that it was great and that it's the best phone. 

After hearing my praise of the phone the woman turned to the boy and said, "Looks like your getting a new phone".  The boy grinned a massive cheesy grin at the prospect. 

The woman thanked me and just as she was about to leave she asked how much the phones were to buy. I informed her that they are in excess of £500 and she again looked at her son and this time said, "Your not having one". 

I watched as the woman walked away followed by a crying and extremely disappointed 10 year old  


Sunday, 10 November 2013

Coomber Cakes

I was watching TV and flicking between channels in an attempt to find something vaguely resembling entertainment. 
I landed on a cookery channel and the shot was a close up of a man mixing ingredients in a bowl. 

As the man spoke I recognised the voice as my good friend Matt. He was chatting away for ages and although gave the impression he was a skilled baker, he was clearly waffling. 

The camera panned up to Matts smiling face and he said, "That's all from Coomber cakes, next week, jam tart". 

I was next with my wife and we were going to some kind of cabin or small hotel room that we had already been sleeping in. 
As I reached the door I could see through the glass into the room and a woman was asleep on the bed. 

I knocked loudly and the woman opened the door and walked out. She was tall with long blonde hair, dressed very scantily and in high heels. 
The phrase Dolly Bird came to my mind, a very old fashion term my mum uses for a prositute. 


Saturday, 9 November 2013

Free bus

I was the only person on a red double decker bus, there was no driver and I was on the top deck. 
Sitting at the front I was somehow able to drive the bus just by thinking about it and swaying my body to turn corners. 

A young lad got on and sat next to me upstairs. He was amazed with what I was doing and laughed a nervous laugh. 
He was going to the job centre and so I dropped him right outside and told him it was free too. 

I then went into the supermarket and came out weighed down with shopping bags. 
Even though I had a bus I decided to walk home and as I struggled through my door I dropped all the bags in the doorway. 

The lad I'd given a lift too then arrived at my house and I went to pick up the shopping and saw that one of the bags had been ripped open. The lad asked what happened and I pointed at my two cats and dog, all of which were doing their best impressions at looking innocent.   


Friday, 8 November 2013

Got your number

Standing in a field of crops with the sun on my back, I saw a bright yellow and brown bird flying just above my head.  I chased it and managed to cup it in my hands and gently stroked its soft feathers.

I then felt a hand placed on my shoulder and an undercover police oficer showed me his badge.  He said to me that the bird was a protected spiecies and that because I had touched it I was getting a five pound fine.

I was next at work with my colleague Juile and our supervisor Mike handed Juile his debt card and asked us to go the train station and buy him a ticket.
At the station a coach full of old people were about to go and buy tickets.  We quickly ran ahead of them and got to the kiosk before a huge queue lined up behind us.

Juile ordered the ticket and popped Mike's debt card into the card machine and the man asked her to ener the pin.  Juile turned and looked at me in horror realising that Mike hadn't given us the number.  I tried in vain to ring Mike but kept dialing the wrong number.

Behind us, all of the old people in the queue were getting very angry at being kept waiting, both Juile and I kept our eyes to the front to avoid any confrontation with the irate pensioners. 


Thursday, 7 November 2013

Ding Dong

I was told that when I initially was asleep I shouted out 'Ding Dong!' I have no recognition of this and it doesn't fit into any of my dreams. 

I was knocking on the front door of my mums neighbours, Bet and Bob.  They have both long since departed and I have no idea who lives there now. 
I was happy to see that Bet opened the door to me but was immediately aware that she was very upset. 

I followed her into the kitchen where she pointed at a microwave oven that was cooking chicken. 
Bet was trying to feed her granddaughter but was crying because she couldn't work the oven. 
I looked to see not her granddaughter sitting in the corner, but my friend Siobhan. Who gave me a nervous look that said she had concerns that she was about to get food poisoning. Plus Siobhan is a vegetarian. 

Lastly I was driving my dad from my house and almost reversed into the wall. 
Driving along a high street I recognised it as the seaside town of Skegness. 
As we turned a corner hundreds of people were fighting in the street. 

We watched and then saw a skinny young policeman attempting to stop the fighting. Thinking this a little unfair I parked the car into some roadworks and dad and I got out to help. 

As we reached where the fight was, it had all stopped and everyone was acting as if nothing had happened. Getting back into the car I saw I had got the wheels stuck down holes in the road! 


Wednesday, 6 November 2013

Three legged domestic

I was walking towards my mums house when I caught up with one of my work supervisors called Neil. 
We walked together and noticed ahead of us was a three legged dog. A male and female were walking the dog and having a full scale shouting match. 

Thinking that the argument may turn violent at any time, I motioned to Neil in the hope that he would interject with me. 
I looked at Neil who just said calmly and slowly, "Hey man that dog has three legs". 

I was next at home and walked into the conservatory where my wife was relaxing. I noticed on the floor some jelly beans. My wife explained that she had dropped them. 
Walking out of the room the entire house was now full of jelly beans covering all the floor space. I picked up a dustpan and brush and started to clear up. 

My wife came into the kitchen and said not to bother clearing them up. I shouted in total dispair, "You don't understand what it's like to have OCD"! I started crying. 


Tuesday, 5 November 2013

Giving it large

When I initially fell to sleep I saw my dog limping with his front paw held up. On inspection he had cut it. I woke from this and drifted back to see my good friend Suki. 
He was boasting about how he could get hold of lots of illegal drugs in the style of a cockney gangster. "Yeah geeza I'll score you some weed for a monkey". 

I was next walking along a stretch of grassland and was holding a green plastic watering can. 
It had a never ending supply of water and I waved it around as I walked watering the grass. 
I reached a huge drop and saw my dog laying lifeless at the bottom of it next to a tree. 

I shouted out to him but he didn't move. In a panic I jumped down landing next to him. I picked him up and he was gently breathing. 
I whispered to him and suddenly he sprung into life and started excitedly running around as his usual happy self. 


Monday, 4 November 2013

DNA hotline

An extremely brief dream today just prior to waking up. 
I was on the telephone talking to Zip who used to work at the same place as I do. 

Although I was on the phone I could also see her as we spoke. I was asking her for a sample of her DNA and Zip was not surprisingly quizzical as to my motives. 

I have no idea why I wanted it from her but I was very insistent to the point where she just gave in and agreed to it just to shut me up. 


Sunday, 3 November 2013

Soup of justice

I found myself wandering around an abandoned warehouse on an industrial estate. 
The ceilings were double height and various metal beams span across the rooms. 

I looked at the beams with a view to removing them for their scrap value. I entered a doorway and passed through it and entered a court room. 
The court was in session, complete with a judge and jury. 

I took a seat and watched the proceedings. From behind me a waiter placed a bowl of soup on the table I was sat at. 
I started to eat it and watched as everyone else in the court was also given a bowl of soup. 

As I continued eating I noticed that no one else was eating theirs. 
The judge help up his hand and halted proceedings. As he did this everyone turned and starred at me. 
To further my feeling of self consciousness, I made an embarrassing slurping sound with my soup. 



Saturday, 2 November 2013


I crawled into bed this morning after working a night shiftz and as I drifted into a coma I saw faces. 

It had a resemblance to the 1985 Godley and Creme video, 'Cry', were all the faces changed and blended into one. 

This all happened within seconds and I was in a deep sleep and woke thinking I'd slept all day, when it had only been an hour!


Friday, 1 November 2013

A dog named David

I was driving a police car with the blue flashing lights and the siren on full blast. It was great as every other vehicle on the road moved out of my way. 
I approached a roundabout and started to move around it on the inside. 

Suddenly a car appeared on my left side, looking over I saw the driver was an old man who was clearly oblivious to my presence. 
He turned right, clipping the front of the police car and smashed onto the roundabout. 

I was next walking along a busy high street with my wife and our dog Humbug
Humbug was off his lead and trotting happily ahead of us. Everyone one else had their dog on a lead. 

As Humbug approached a road my wife started to call out for him to stop. She kept calling him David. 
Humbug clearly not called David ignored my wife and stopped as soon as I called him by his correct name. 
I looked at my wife with a quizzical glance. She just said, "I've changed his name". 

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