Tuesday, 30 April 2013

Great balls of fire!

I was in a court room and I was met by Lesley who used to work at the same place as me a year or so ago.
I asked her to take me to the judges chambers to check some paperwork. She appeared to work there but I wasn't sure.
Upon entering the empty judges room, Lesley started to take some huge old law books from a shelf.
As she did this I looked out of the window and down below was a hotel resort swimming pool with various people in and around it.

In the corner of the room was a grand piano which I sat at. Lesley told me not to touch it but I ignored her and started to thrash out the Jerry Lee Lewis song, 'Great balls of fire'.
As I did it was somehow transmitted to the pool area below where the assembled crowd clapped and cheered.
After my energetic performance I waved down to the crowd as they whistled and shouted for more.

The song was a massive hit way back in 1957 selling a million copies in its first 10 days.


Monday, 29 April 2013

Cut throat electric razor

My night began with me riding an old style bicycle that had a wicker basket on the front. I pulled up outside what used to be the sweet shop from when I was a child.
I ran in and shouted, "I need some string". The female assistant pointed to a display that contained various small plastic bags with tiny amounts of string in them. I explained I wanted a long length of it but the best I could find was a pair of knitted mittens that were held together by a length of string.
I paid £1 for them and placed my purchase in the bicycles basket.

I was next in a bathroom about to have a shave when a woman hastily knocked on the door stating that she desperately needed the toilet. I opened the door and she rushed past me and pushed me out.
Finding myself in a kitchen I found a small hand washing sink with a mirror above it and decided I could shave there and use an electric razor.
I switched on the razor and as it touched my neck it cut me and a spray of blood erupted out and up in all directions.
I was coveted in blood, it was on the mirror, splashes filled the sink and it had even hit the ceiling such was the velocity of the pumping blood.

I was attempting to clean it up before anyone noticed but my efforts just spread the mess rather than clear it and lots of people suddenly started to enter the room.
A man holding a small child attempted to look into the mirror but were greeted by a blood red reflection. It was at this point I decided it was best to leave.


Sunday, 28 April 2013

DIY dump

I had a pet Robin that I could call and it would fly onto my hand and accompany me perched on my shoulder.
I took him everywhere and he was a faithful companion.
I left him outside a Homebase DIY store while I entered to buy some paint remover. Inside the huge store I found the display containing the many different types of products that all seemed to do the same job.

Next to the display was a toilet for sale. I lifted the lid, dropped my trousers, sat down and proceeded to take a dump whilst still being able to look through the display.
The store was full of people none of which took any notice of me. Looking at the prices I noticed that the paint remover I had decided to buy was the most expensive, I then scouted around hoping no one would notice me and swapped the label with a lower priced item.
It then realised that I didn't have any toilet paper!



Saturday, 27 April 2013

Action man & fake ID

To start with I was staying at a hotel and was trying to locate my room as I wanted to take a shower.
I opened the door to a room and entered to find my work colleague Gav laying naked on top of one of the beds. He said to me, "Alright pet", I greeted him with a wave and then noticed that he didn't have any genitals. His groin area was totally smooth just like an Action Man figure.

I then walked out and entered another room which was mine as I saw my suitcase open on the floor.
I stood on the bed and drew a shower curtain completely around it and took my clothes off to reveal that I was wearing ladies underwear.
Water started to fall from the ceiling and I washed still wearing the undies.
I opened the shower curtain to find my wife standing in the room. I looked down in horror at myself and discovered that I was no longer in the ladies underwear. But she gave me a suspicious look.

I was lastly with my wife in the street along with a young female who was saying she was a friend of ours but I didn't recognise her.
My wife asked to see her passport and when she produced it from her bag, another passport fell out too. Upon checking both documents, they were in different names but had the females photo on them.
A further search of her bag found seven IDs from various countries all with her photo on them.


Friday, 26 April 2013

Chicken boat

Following on from yesterday's water themed dream, I was on a boat.
The boat was more of a luxury yacht and didn't look dissimilar to the one on the Hijack map on the game black ops II which I was playing yesterday.

The only difference with this yacht was that the entire inhabitants were chickens. Staff and passengers alike were various breeds of the birds.
In fact I stood out as the odd one as I was myself and I received curious looks from the chickens as I walked around.

I finally hid in a small cabin to avoid the discerning glances of the poultry and I discovered a shoe box.
Examining the box revealed it to be full of chicks, all of which looked up at me with a curious glare.


Thursday, 25 April 2013

Water horses

Standing at a lock on a river, I watched as an old man moved his boat into position between the lock gates.
As his boat started to slowly sink with the drop of the water level, his boat suddenly tipped violently throwing the man overboard.
I did nothing to help him but instead wandered to the higher level of the river and watched as two horses walked on water.
The riders were putting the horses through their paces by trotting around the river. It didn't even cross my mind that they were performing the impossible by walking on water.

I was lastly in a room with four other people, none of which I knew. We were playing football but had no ball. After a while of pointless running around I took off my jumper as I was hot revealing a football shirt that was claret and blue.
One of the men pointed put that I had a West Ham Untied shirt on but I corrected him pointing to the badge which said England.
I explained that it was the new national shirt and that I got given it free by my employer.
Everyone them wanted one and asked how to get a job at my company.


Wednesday, 24 April 2013

Underground amusement

Initially I was laying in bed awake but asleep if that that makes sense. I know I wasn't really awake because I was pointing my finger at a cardboard box on a chest of draws and rotating the box by the power of my mind.

I was then walking along a one way street, a car grabbed my attention suddenly as it was driving against the oncoming traffic and started hitting vehicles and pushing them back.
A police cars sirens blasted out and the car spun around and a chase began. I walked on and the sounds faded into the distance.

I was next on a London Underground tube train. It pulled into a station and I picked up some bags and headed to one of the exit doors. As I looked beyond onto the platform I noticed three teenage boys. I grabbed one of the silver diagonal poles for support, but the bottom of it was not fixed to the floor and I stumbled backwards as it came loose.
The boys seeing this thought it was the funniest thing they had ever seen and laughed uncontrollably.
I didn't make eye contact as I wasn't in the mood to find it even slightly amusing. I hit the exit button to open the door and nothing happened. I slapped it again and the train started to leave the station.
The boys laughed even louder and pointed at me. I was livid.

The carriage was empty and as I looked along it the connecting door from the next carriage opened. A black girl around 8 years old entered wearing a red hat followed by an adult male.
The girl said hello to me and then turned to the man and said, "We sure gave the police the slip, you don't think they'll find the car do you?"


Tuesday, 23 April 2013

Black Jack punch

With my wife I was walking through a huge parkland. There was no one around and we happily wandered in the sunshine.
We discovered a very young lamb laying all alone and we picked it up and found that it had a collar and name tag around its neck. Its name was Harry.
We saw a flock of sheep in the distance and set Harry on his way.

We then arrived at a house and a foreign woman opened the door. She told us that she had lost her pet lamb called Harry.
While my wife spoke to the woman I went into her back garden and found a big white plastic tub.
I poured in a combination of Sherry, Port, lager and Black Jack sweets. I stirred it all with a wooden spoon happy with my punch.


Monday, 22 April 2013

Disco bouncer

Starting off I was at an old work place where I was employed over 10 years ago. As I wandered around I saw my neighbour Janice standing at the entrance trying to get out.
I scooped down and picked up some letters from the mat and Janice started to chat to me. I continued to walk and Janice followed me, I reached the office and handed the letters to the secretary.
I could still hear Janice chatting away but couldn't see her.
I made my way out of the building still with Janice's voice nattering away but with no idea where she was.
As I left I called out, "Janice, you're talking to yourself!"

I was next walking around to see someone at their flat. I took a while to get there and when I arrived, I knocked on the door and a rather angry looking woman opened it and gave me an evil look.
I realised I was being ignored so just turned around and started walking back home.
As I walked I bumped into my dearly departed dad and we chatted as we strolled in the sunshine. Dad saw someone he knew in a front garden, I patted him on the shoulder and told him I'd see him at home.

Instead of going home I walked into a large warehouse, inside I found my very good friend Martin. I climbed some steps and was close to the roof on a platform when Martin flicked a light switch and the whole place turned into a disco with flashing coloured lights and thumping music.
Martin then threw a ball up to me which when I caught it, I could see was a fat ball that you put onto bird tables.
I dropped the ball onto the floor and instead of falling apart it bounced.
Martin and myself then entertained ourselves by seeing how many people we could hit with the ball.
Great fun.


Sunday, 21 April 2013

Phone investigation

I slept heavily last night, only dreaming just prior to waking.
I was being informed by my wife that all of our animals were hungry and needed feeding. I acknowledged this but seemed distracted and kept going deep into thought.
After being told for about the third time I finally went into the utility room to give the pets their dinner.

When I entered I found that I had gone through the front entrance to a house. The man there enquired of me what I wanted and I asked him if he had a phone line.
The man appeared very nervous and guarded at my question but stated that he didn't have one.
I laid down on the living room floor and could see a telephone junction box fixed to the skirting board.
I stood up and glared at the man who looked very embarrassed at being discovered to be a liar.



Saturday, 20 April 2013

Essex street massacre

To start with all I could see were millions of orange and yellow balls. They were everywhere my eyes could see and filled my vision no matter where I looked. About the size of tennis balls, they engulfed me and I was stuck in them for hours.

The other part of my nights dreaming involved me tiptoeing up to my mums house in Essex. It was the dead of night and I was dressed all in black holding a pistol with a sight mounded on it.
I saw a woman ahead of me just entering the doorway of the house. I silently walked up and pointed the gun at her head and said, "You're coming with me".
As I did this a man came to the door from the house and looked shocked. I calmly turned the gun at him and shot him in the head.

The woman instead of being alarmed, pulled out a gun and said, "Ok let's go".
As we turned around into the street three black females approached us and were clearly upset at me shooting the man. The woman and myself then expertly executed the females and we got into a car that was packed with guns and ammunition.
As we pulled away other people started to arrive and I drove at high speed through the streets as the woman randomly fired at people.


Friday, 19 April 2013

Gorilla in the bath

As usual my brain sends me a visual image when I need the toilet as I sleep.
Last night I was approached by a man who wanted to punch me and as he ran at me with his fist raised I held up my hand and stopped time.
The mans fist halted inches from my face and I just stepped aside and said to myself that I needed to pee.
I went into the toilet, still asleep at this point, unzipped my jeans and a plastic tube fell out! I woke and went to the toilet.

Back to sleep and I was next standing before an American judge for killing someone. In my head I was expecting to receive an 11 year prison sentence.
The judge started to make weird sounds and with every word that he spoke made a gasping expel of air after it.
He said, "You, will, go, to, prison, for, nine hundred, and, ninety, nine, years".
Another break from sleep and I realised my wife's lady snores were the sounds of the Judge.

Finally along with my wife we had entered the London flat of veteran entertainer Bruce Forsyth. The whole place, floors, walls and ceilings were covered in ceramic tiles.
Bruce wasn't home so we started to have a good look around when my dog, who I hadn't realised was with us, ran off with an expensive watch from Bruce's bedside.

I then decided to take a bath and standing in the tub I looked into a mirror and could see thick black hair that had grown from my back over my shoulders.
I took an electric razor and started to shave it off. Not being able to see my back I strained my neck to see it in the mirror and was shocked when my head turned completely so that it was facing my back. I could then look down at my back which was like a gorillas covered in black thick hair.

I started to shave it all off leaving the bath floating with a mass of hair but nicked my skin and it started to drip blood into the bath.
I got out and shouted to my wife that the bath was ready for her now just as my dog ran past me still with Bruce's watch in his mouth.


Thursday, 18 April 2013

Who ate all the pies?

A very short dream but detailed none the less.
I was some kind of detective and was investigating a crime of assault and criminal damage against a mother and her teenage daughter. I met the pair in the street and we all started walking towards my car.
The mother said how annoying it was that she had to go to a police station to give me a witness account of what had happened. I explained that I was happy to do it in her house and so we all walked back towards her home.

As we approached the house the teenage girl started to ask me questions about what had happened. I explained that I would be taking the statement because she was the victim. She annoyingly persisted in asking me questions to the point that I grabbed the paper from her she was holding and ripped it up shouting, "I'm not telling you anything right!"

We entered the house to find a very fat American man sat at the kitchen table. He immediately became defensive and said that he didn't know anything about the missing pies.
I glanced at the woman for an explanation, she pointed an accusing finger at the man and started to sing, "He ate all the pies, he ate the pies".


Wednesday, 17 April 2013

Dead Freddie

I was with my wife in the BBC staff canteen and we were both very hungry. I sent my wife to get us some food as I was watching a woman who was constructing a life size replica of the great Pyramid in Egypt.
She had been building it for twenty years but it was only about two foot high. Thinking that I could do better I started to build my own pyramid next to hers.
My wife returned and pointed out that my construction didn't have any cement holding it together.
I then noticed that she was empty handed, I asked where our food was and she said that she came back because Freddie Mercury was in the canteen.
I said that she should have got his autograph but I just wasn't getting the fact that she was freaked out that Freddie died years ago and was now eating at the BBC canteen.

Staying with the food theme, I was standing in line waiting to order a sandwich. I had decided to have a chicken baguette with mayo on white. Thinking to myself that I would also have the chicken heated I noticed the boy in front of me had tight permed hair that was jet black.
I smiled to myself as it did look stupid, just as I was pushed in the back from the man behind me.
I angrily looked around and saw that he had a tight perm also but his was bright ginger. I openly laughed at him and pointed at his hair. He was not happy.

Just before waking this morning I could see a huge wooden boat on wheels racing across a field.


Tuesday, 16 April 2013

Lucky penny

Two days ago whilst in my garden and awake I found a penny. I placed it in my pocket, forgot about it, put it through the washing machine and tumble dryer before discovering it again yesterday.

In my dream last night I was in the seaside town of Skegness, were I used to live. Walking through the streets towards the amusement arcades I had no money until I remembered I still had the penny in my pocket.
I entered a penny slot arcade and noticed that the machine was a 2p push machine. Making sure no one saw me I inserted my penny. Immediately money started to pour out of the bottom, so much that I couldn't fill my pockets quick enough.
Sweets and toys started to fall out too and I now had the attention of everyone in the arcade.

Children and adults came over to help me, some handed me boxes and bags and helped to fill them with cash and prizes.
I noticed that some of the kids were helping themselves to the sweets but I was too intent on collecting up the cash.

I left the arcade with pockets bulging and arms full of prizes. As I walked I said the old adage to myself, 'If you see a penny pick it up, all day long you'll have good luck'.


Monday, 15 April 2013

Corpse in the tub

I was in a swimming pool but the only way into the water was down a circular tunnel the size of a man hole cover.
It was about a six foot drop from the opening to the pool.
Above me leaning into the hole was actor Keith Allen, father of singer Lilly. He was lowering what I initially thought were midgets down to me but when I took hold of the first one, it turned out to be people with no arms or legs.
Keith looked down at me as I took the first torso and smiled as if he recognised me.

I was next staying in a bed and breakfast and wanted to take a bath. I went into the bathroom but the tub was filled with old towels and dirty clothing.
Unhappy at this I began to remove the items until I reached the bottom where I found a decaying body. The smell was horrible and the body was blackened and in an advanced state of decomposition.

I went to complain to the owner but couldn't find anyone. Returning to the bathroom I found my work supervisor Mike and colleague Baz in the room.
The bath, sink and entire room were spotlessly clean and gleamed in a pleasant fragrant white shine.
Mike apologised for the corpse and said that they had taken care of it and left. The room.

Instead of enjoying my bath, I spent hours cutting out Disney characters from a magazine and glueing them to the wall tiles.


Sunday, 14 April 2013

Space academy II

Sat in a darkened hall I watched as a man who appeared to be dressed as some kind of Star Wars character entered to a fanfare of loud music.
Ahead of him on the far wall was a cinema screen and a movie title scrolled up from the bottom which said, 'Space Academy II'. Other people on the room clapped excitedly at the announcement and I watched as my name came up as one of the actors.

I was next in an upstairs room of a house with a girl I didn't know. We could hear a dog barking and it sounded as if it was coming from outside. I looked out of the window to the ground below me and saw a rubber mallet running away from the building, it had legs and was barking as it ran.

Next I was walking down a set of stairs when I jumped down onto a landing as some steps were missing. As I looked above me where I had just been I saw a shower head and thought to myself that I'd have a wash.
Still fully clothed I started to shower when I had the feeling someone was sneaking up on me. I somehow raised my knee to my head height and just as someone's head appeared above me I pushed out, kneeing them straight in the nose.
I looked to see it was my friend Harry who was holding his blooded face in pain.

Just prior to waking this morning I was watching a slice of bread that had arms and legs. It was standing on the work surface laughing.


Saturday, 13 April 2013

Tomorrows World

I was with my dad and we entered an underground train station. Right at the end of the platform was a small entrance to a tunnel, we climbed in and was met by former Tomorrows World presenter Raymond Baxter.
Oddly Raymond was in black and white how I remembered him originally on TV. He talked us through the maze of tunnels pointing out various pipe work and showed us a massive electrical fuse box, all of which he explained how they worked.

Reaching a room off of the tunnel, we followed him in. The room was a huge ventilation plant room very similar to what myself and dad worked in many years ago.
The floor to the room was covered in the yellow fibreglass loft insulation and as we walked into the centre of the room we started to sink into it.
Looking round for help from Raymond, we found that he had vanished.

I have woke this morning with the 1979 song, 'Every day hurts' by Sad Cafe in my head.


Friday, 12 April 2013

Twin shape shifters

My nights dreaming began with me being closely protective of my wife. I kept her by my side as we walked over a bridge, I wasn't sure why I was doing this but kept looking around me for signs of danger.
Suddenly without any warning my wife stepped into a roped noose which instantly tightened around her ankles and yanked her with tremendous force.
She was whipped backwards away from me and I screamed out loud.
So loud in fact that it woke my wife who was by my side for real asleep.

I was next with Az from work and we had been out drinking and because of this I said it would be safer to ride a bike home. We both got onto a bike with me steering. As I franticly peddled the road before me was totally black and I couldn't see a thing.
Az just told me to kept going but I stopped as I feared we would crash. When we got off the bike it became daylight and I was in my childhood town.
Az asked me where I lived but I couldn't remember the name of my street despite my mum still living there for over 40 years.

Lastly I was one of two twin boys of about 10 years of age. We were staying in a remote African village with our adopted patents as we had special powers and people were trying to kill us.
A small black African boy with a walkie talkie ran to us and shouted that a gang of killers were entering the village.
I immediately ran to a building and got onto the roof. On top of the building was a large children's paddling pool.
I jumped in and turned myself into a goldfish. My twin arrived and observing me did the same and we swam around discussing our next move.

After thinking that we would eventually be discovered as fish we jumped out and turned into birds and flew high above the village. As we looked down we could see flames shooting up from all the buildings. There was gun fire and we knew that our parents were dead.
We flew off into the distance tearful and silent.


Thursday, 11 April 2013

I pad error

I was with my wife at work and we had defied our bosses and turned up together to complete our shift.
Unfortunately out rebellious behaviour backfired as we went to the wrong place and no one was there. Walking into the correct location late for our briefing my wife couldn't find a free computer work station and she began shouting and throwing things around the room.

I was told to work with Lorraine and my wife was told to stay inside until she had calmed down.
Lorraine told me we had to go and as I ran out of the building into the street she pushed past me knocking me onto the ground. My lip, hands and elbow were all bleeding and I had to go back inside.
Lorraine was looking rather sorry as Andy entered the room and I told him what Lorraine had done to make her feel even worse.

We decided to check the companies web page and Andy offered us his i pad to use.
When Lorraine switched it onto the Internet the previous web page came up which was a site specialising in midget porn.
After some very embarrassed looks from Andy he switched the i pad off and walked away not saying anything.


Wednesday, 10 April 2013

Ice and snow

A large American style 4x4 vehicle was broken down on the motorway. It sat there unable to start and all the occupants had got out except for one female that was in the middle of the back seat.
Suddenly a passenger jet plane came from nowhere on its way into land and it was passing over the 4x4.
As it swooped over the top of the vehicle a huge lump of ice fell from the undercarriage of the plane and descended like it was dropping a bomb.
The plane flew over but the ice block smashed into the back of the 4x4 crushing the rear of it as if it was made of cardboard.
The others just looked on in horror, everyone knew the woman inside was dead.

I was then alone and walking through the fields and playground of my old infant school, the ground was covered in about a foot of snow and it was sunny but cold.
As I wandered a tennis ball landed at my feet, I picked it up and put it in my pocket.
I rounded a corner and found a woman with her children building a snowman. The kids were looking around in the blanket of white clearly searching for something.

I heard their mother mention a tennis ball and as I walked past the group I removed the ball from my pocket and casually tossed it over my shoulder.
The tennis ball was greeted with great joy and I continued on my way totally unnoticed.

Tuesday, 9 April 2013

1940's time travel

Sometimes it's as if I'm actually watching a movie and my dreams play out before me.
Last night it started off as such with it being 1944 and there was a crashed car at the side of the road. It was pouring with rain and the road was mud, made worse by the torrent downpour.
Underneath the wheels of the car were two dead teenage children and two younger ones standing by crying.
One, a girl placed a mental hairband to the front of of head pushing back her blonde hair. She started to walk away with tears streaming down her face.
The boy with her started to follow and it was at this point that I turned into that boy.

As I walked in the pouring rain getting soaked and slashed with mud, I moved further through time until I reached the 1970's. I saw my old school but struggled to remember its name. It faded away and eventually vanished as I walked past it and into the year 2000.

I then noticed I was in a park and a brightly coloured parrot was flying around my head. I called it and it landed on my outstretched arm.
It was very tame and I was walking along trying to work out a way to prevent it from flying off. The parrot was happy and made no attempt to leave.


Monday, 8 April 2013

Exploding dog food

Along with my wife and a friend that lives in our street called Hazel, I had gone to the cinema to watch a movie.
Inside the lobby to the odeon was an elaborate security system that had an x ray scanner.
My wife and Hazel managed to bypass it but I was asked to walk through it. As I did an alarm sounded and red lights started to flash, filling the room with a red pulsating glow.

One of the security staff shouted, "It's going to blow!" and promptly ran out of the building followed by hundreds of panicked cinema goers.
I desperately attempted to find my wife and Hazel and I ran up some stairs shouting for them just as a huge explosion ripped through the building.
The side of the wall blew out and I was hanging on to what was left of the wall with a drop below me.

As I looked around me there was dried dog food scattered everywhere and it was hitting me as it started to rain down after the explosion.
I finally couldn't hold on any longer and released my grip falling to the ground. My fall was broken as I landed on a huge sack of dried dog food. Everywhere I looked there was sacks and loose dog food.

Sunday, 7 April 2013

Follow the yellow gloves

I was driving a large van making a delivery in the coastal town of Skegness. Something I actually did many years ago.
My cargo was a pallet of red bricks for a building site. To access the site I had to carefully negotiate my vehicle through a shopping arcade, avoiding people as I went.
I'd parked up and saw two builders who showed me where they required the pallet placing. One of the men saw my yellow gloves and commented on how nice they were. I thought this a little odd as they were just normal gloves.

I started to pull the pallet on my trolley jack and the man followed behind me constantly staring at my gloves. I lowered the trolley and he watched with fascination as I unloaded the bricks.
After the tenth comment about how nice my gloves were I took them off and gave them to him as he was totally freaking me out. The man ran off like an excited child with a new toy.



Saturday, 6 April 2013

Me monkey

Last night I had a pet monkey, he would follow me everywhere and jump onto my shoulder on command. He was quite the party piece.
I'd taken him to the vets for a check up and they'd operated on him and when he came around, he had strings on him like a puppet.
Monkey was clearly upset at this and started to talk to me in a very posh upper class accent. Monkey explained that simply calling him Monkey was condescending and he'd prefer a proper name as he was 43 years old. He also said that he wasn't happy about the strings and that he wanted his own identity rather than being my performing pet.

The last part of my dreaming involved me sitting in a darkened bedroom with a husband and wife. I was swigging from a bottle of white wine and the female was drinking red wine from a glass.
The husband started to become slightly upset and told me that he didn't trust his wife with other men.
I told him to relax and go to bed and then took his wife to another bedroom leading her out hand in hand.

I placed the cork back into the wine bottle and placed it onto a shelve but when I did this the wine started to shoot out like a water fountain.
Both myself and the woman started to laugh at this.
I was then under a shower fully clothed and tried to wash whilst dressed which isn't easy I can tell you.


Friday, 5 April 2013

Identity beating

I was walking at night along a street in the centre of the Cambridgeshire city of Peterborough. I was with my friend Matt and we calmly chatted as we strolled.
Suddenly slightly ahead I saw a huge black man running and shouting at something or someone ahead of him. The man had blood running from his forehead.

Before I could register what was going on, Matt pulled a metal baton from his jacket and started to give chase after the black man.
As Matt kept pace with the man he began to repeatedly smash the mans legs with the baton, but the man kept on running.
I ran after the two of them and I caught up with Matt on a corner. In the distance were two other men running off and they were covered from head to foot in blood as if they had been painted.
The black man was now walking away in a different direction.
Before I could ask what was going on Matt threw a walkie talkie at me and shouted, "Radio it in, it's identity theft".
I had no idea how to use the radio and mumbled into it that I needed an ambulance.

I looked around and no one was to be seen except Matt who approached me carrying a black bin bag that contained shredded letters. He looked triumphant.
I just looked at Matt and said, "where did you get that radio and baton?"


Thursday, 4 April 2013

Knitted bathroom

I was outside my old flat in the Lincolnshire seaside town of Skegness. Standing at some kind of alter, I was giving a speech but no one was there.
After talking for some time with no audience I decided I needed the toilet which actually corresponded with me really needing to pee, as if often the case.

I went into my old flat and immediately found a car blocking the entrance hall. I climbed over it and located the bathroom which had a bicycle in front of the doorway.
I heard a woman's voice shout, "Is that you Edward?" I looked into the living room and saw a woman I didn't know. It was at this point that I realised that I no longer owned the flat and that this must be the current owner.
I ignored her and entered the bathroom, to my bemusement the bath, toilet and sink were all made of wool and had been knitted into shape with brightly coloured flower patterns on them.

I was next looking around some warehouse units with a view to buying one to set up a business. I found one I liked but it had one wall missing exposing it to the outside. I walked out of the side of the unit into a rugby field and became involved in a game.
I heard a shout and I was thrown what I thought was the rugby ball. I caught the ball only to discover it was a ticking bomb that was about to explode.

The game was to kept throwing the bomb and avoid being blown to bits.
I quickly threw the time bomb on and made my escape from the field.


Wednesday, 3 April 2013

All must die

I began by finding myself in a Homebase store down an isle with a hacksaw in my hand.
I'd picked several long stemmed wine glasses from the display and had laid them on the floor. I then proceeded to carefully cut the stems from the glasses.
I then saw my good friend and work colleague Martin who rightly inquired into what I was doing.
I explained that I only wanted glasses without stems and he seemed happy with this explanation and even suggested that I cut them on a work surface for better grip.

As I carefully cut through the glass Martin told me about his previous days work where he was knocked out by someone and when he came round everyone criticised him for killing four innocent people in revenge.
Martin calmly told me that until he found the person responsible a lot more people would die. I believed him.

I was next a spectator in a motorbike race through the streets of London. There was a representative for London wearing a number 2 on his back.
It was raining and lots of riders were falling off on the bends. As the race drew to a climax, everyone was suddenly riding push bikes and number 2 was in second place and about to lose.

Just as the final two riders approached the finish line, The Lord Mayor for London, Boris Johnson cycled across the front of the race and raised his arms as if yawning and in a deliberate act, accidentally knocked the front runner off his bike.
Number 2 raced by and over the finish line to huge cheers from the home crowd.


Tuesday, 2 April 2013

Who are ya?

I was out walking when it started to rain very heavily. Undeterred by this I removed from my pocket a pair of black waterproof over trousers. I pulled them on and smiled to myself at being so prepared.
It wasn't until I tried to walk that I noticed that they were so long I tripped over the excess trouser legs.
I then sat on the floor and proceeded to cut the bottoms with a blunt pair of scissors. I was making such a mess of my alterations that a crowd had gathered to watch me.

I then heard people saying to each other, 'Look its him from the TV". I looked up from my poor attempt at tailoring to see a young blonde haired teenage boy.
Everyone was swarming around him, trying to touch him and get his autograph.
I approached the boy to have a better look but didn't recognise him at all.
The boy looked at me and said, "Who am I?"



Monday, 1 April 2013

The church of fun

I was sat in a church on a wooden pew along with a packed congregation. It didn't seem to be any conventional type of sermon as it was based on audience participation.
I was sat on the very last pew next to the exit with just one other person between me and the door. Going from each person, it was taken in turns to sing a song. I watched with fear as my turn grew ever nearer until the boy sat next to me was singing.
I looked to my left at the person between me and a way out and it was my dad.
Looking equally worried he motioned his head towards the exit and we both got up and ran for the door just as the church fell silent.

I was next at my mums house with my nan and we were watching a film on TV.
It was just getting dark outside when a face appeared at the window.
I went to the front door and saw it was an old friend from my school days called Paul. He was drunk and wanted to come in, I attempted to explain to him that he wasn't welcome but he just wasn't getting the hint.
I made my point perfectly clear when I punched Paul firmly in the face and left him on the doorstep out cold.
I sat back down with my nan who asked me who was at the door, to which I replied, "No one nan".



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