Monday, 31 March 2014

Steak fight

I was in my garden, enjoying the sunshine when my dog ran past me at hight speed. In front of him was one of our cats called Merlin. 

Merlin never exerts himself, so to see him out running the dog, was amusing. My wife rightly pointed out that Merlin never leaves the house. After a few circuits of the lawn, he ran back into the house. 

Next I was at work and stepped into the area where supervisor Neil works. I wanted to see him as he retires soon. 
When I walked in, there was a mass fight going on. 

In the middle of it all, a man was carving meat from a huge steak about the size of a small car. Also in the centre of this chaos was Neil calmly wandering around. 

Neil approached me and seemed oblivious to the charnage around him. He just said to me, "Alright man, how's it going?"  


Sunday, 30 March 2014


Try as I might to recall my dream, I was struggling to remember anything more than a car. 

The car was parked on a street, there was no one inside it or even close to it. I was just looking at it, constantly. I'm not even sure I was there. The car, I can only describe as an estate. 

It would appear that, that was the total extent of my dream. It was as I was just looking at a photograph. 




Saturday, 29 March 2014

Domestic curry

I was at work with my supervisor, Mike. We had gone to a very nice house and were looking around. There was no one home and so we just walked around looking into rooms. 

When we reached the kitchen, I saw a pile of takeaway foil containers on the worktop. They were hot and contained various curry dishes. I started to open them, they smelt lovely. 

Mike began to say that I really shouldn't be taking the food when we heard a female crying. We opened the door to an adjoining room and a woman was sat at a table sobbing. 

We asked who else was in the house and she told us there was no one. Mike started to walk upstairs when suddenly the woman ran past him, punching him in the face as she did. 

I stood there, torn between helping Mike and going to eat the curry. 
The curry won. 


Friday, 28 March 2014


A very brief dream which involved me borrowing a red Porsche that belonged to George from work. 
He totally trusted me with his pride and joy as I drove it at excess speeds around the corridors of a stately house. 

When I got out of it and looked back over the car prior to handing George back the keys, it had lots of dents in the body work. There were scratches all over it and the front bumper was handing off. 

As I stood horrified at what I'd done, I heard the voice of another work colleauge called Ruddy. He was speaking over a radio system and his voice was calm and controlled. 

He said, "As I'm here all on my own and have no idea what I'm doing, I would like you to carry on with what you were doing". 
I have no idea what he meant or if he was even talking to me.



Thursday, 27 March 2014

Dr Ryan

I was in America with my wife in a van. My wife was driving and we had stopped at a zebra crossing. Not sure they have them in the US. 

There were hundreds of people passing in front of the van using the crossing and it was impossible to continue. In the end we just abandoned the vehicle and started walking. 

We reached a set of steps that led below ground into a basement. Following them down, we twisted and turned until arriving at street level again. 

I was next in an American A&E department with Ryan from work. We were on some kind of work place attachment and were there to observe. 

Suddenly from behind a cubicle curtain, appeared a doctor. He shouted at Ryan, "I need your help, get here now!" 
Ryan was instructed to sit on top of a female patient that was fitting. 

I watched with amusement as the doctor left Ryan sat on the woman having convulsions, flipping him like a bucking bronco. 
Ryan held on tight as he was tossed around the cubicle. He shouted out, "Help, I'm not a doctor!"   


Wednesday, 26 March 2014

Fran in a van

Tapping away on the keyboard of my laptop, I was generally surfing the web. I pressed the delete button and a message appeared on the screen. 'Are you sure you want to permanatly delete this'. 
I hit yes and my laptop vanished! 

Next I was at work with friend and colleauge, Fran. We were in the car park and about to get into a van. I had locked it earlier but lost the keys. 

We tried all the doors but it was securely locked. I peered into the front windscreen and saw Fran sitting in the drivers seat. 
I shouted, "How did you get in there?"
I looked behind me and Fran was standing outside! 

Tuesday, 25 March 2014

Water colour seaweed

I was in the delightful Lincolnshire town of Stamford with my wife. It was a nice sunny afternoon. As we strolled my wife said that she was going home and I'd have to make my own way back. 

I watched her walk out of my sight and I started to shout after her, "Don't leave me behind, I don't know the way". 

I actually woke at this point and had a go at my wife who was still awake beside me. She was very confused at my ranting. 

I was next walking towards a queue of people, as I approached the end of the line, a woman ran and pushed me out of the way and joined the end of the queue. 

I asked if she was with the man ahead of her in the queue, she said she wasn't and so I pushed her and took my place ahead of her. There then started a game of push and shove between us. 

This went on until I got the the front and was handed a picture to colour in and some crayons. 
I sat at a desk and started colouring, the picture was of an under water scene. 

As I coloured, a man sat at my table with a plate of fish and chips. I looked back at my picture and it had all turned into seaweed. 


Monday, 24 March 2014

You don't know what it's like

The end of a weekend of working nights and another sleep where my brain hardly functioned. Just another song this morning as I woke. I wonder if my brain is  so tired it just switches a music player on to save energy?

To love somebody was the 1967 hit for The Bee Gees and reached reached No.17 in the United States and No.41 in the United Kingdom. 

The only line I have on reply is, 'You don't know what it's like, to love somebody, to love somebody, the way I love you'. 


Sunday, 23 March 2014

Take it easy

All I have is the 1973 hit song, 'Take it easy', performed by the Eagles. 
Every time I turned in my sleep, I could hear the tune playing over in my head. 

I have now woken after insufficient slumber, with it still repeating in my head. It's as if it is stuck in a continual loop. I'll have to put the radio or TV on in an attempt to flush it out. 



Saturday, 22 March 2014

Got the needle

I was in my bedroom searching draws and cupboards. No idea what I was looking for. I opened the top draw of the dresser and put my hand in. 

I rummaged around, pulled out my hand and opened my palm out flat. Sticking out was a sewing needle. It was half way into my hand and had cotton through the eye. 

I looked at this as if I'd found what I'd been searching for. With my other hand I took hold of the needle and removed it. On inspection only the top part of the needle had come out and the rest was still embedded in my palm.  


Friday, 21 March 2014

Eminem onesie rap

I was at my mums house and an engineer arrived to resolve the poor wi if signal. The engineer was a young woman who was wearing my dressing gown. 

She walked around the house with her phone, telling me which rooms had the poorest signal. She went to enter the back bedroom but I stopped her. Looking into the room, my dad was asleep on the bed. 

I was next dressed in my tiger onesie, heading for the shopping centre to buy a McDonalds meal. I put my hood up, complete with ears, so that no one reconised me. 

After grabbing my food, I looked over at the seating area and saw Ed from work. He was dressed in an evening suit and bow tie. I ran so that he didn't see me. 

As I ran through the shopping centre it turned into hotel corridors. Ahead if me were holograms of Eminem. He was rapping about where the hospital was. 

I looked at the carpet and it had a tree like pattern which had shed real pods. These had started to sprout up as trees from the carpet and I had to dodge around them. 


Thursday, 20 March 2014


A very swift and straight forward dream last night. 
I was in a forgein country, no idea which one or how I knew it was. I just knew I was abroad. 

I was homeless and living on the street. I had dirty clothes and I smelt bad. I was totally destitute. As I sat in the street and looked around me, I just started to cry. 

Tears rolling down my face I began to sob. This woke me up. I went back to sleep but had a restless remainder of the night. 


Wednesday, 19 March 2014

Samuel L Jackson V Ted Rogers

My dreaming began with me watching one of my supervisors, Neil entertaining a small boy. We were all at work, Neil was at his usual desk. 

The boy had been given some paper and a pencil to keep him amused whilst Neil was slowly and carefully drawing something at his desk. 

The boy after looking at Neil's attempts at drawing for some time, looked at him and said, "Are you Samual L Jackson?" Neil just laughed and carried on drawing. 

Next I was watching a TV game shows with my wife but we were in the studio. There was a large square floored area that contained a giant monopoly board painted out on it. 

There were children contestants and the host was former 321 presenter, Ted Rogers. He was excitedly overseeing the game and encouraging the children. 

When I looked directly at Teds face, he was still talking excitedly but his face was totally expressionless. Just his mouth moved. I looked over at my wife to tell her this but she was asleep in the bed next to me. 

One of those weird moments was occurring, where I'm dreaming but can see the room around me. Ted was playing giant Monopoly in my bedroom! 


Tuesday, 18 March 2014

Mushrooms and cream

I began my dreaming by entering a shop and saw some sweets with 1955 on the wrappers. The woman in the shop asked if I ever thought about time travel. I said amazingly I had just been doing that before I entered her shop. 

I said I'd go back in time and invest money in a bank and claim it when I got to the present, hoping it had made a lot of interest. 

Next I was with my wife looking for a new pair of trainers. I couldn't concentrate because I desperately needed the toilet. I found a cubicle in the street that resembled a smart car. I went inside and started to pee. This is normally my brains signal for me to wake up and pee. Which I did. 

Lastly, again with my wife I was in a back garden. I was eating a banana. On a shelf on the side of the house, sat a giant mushroom. It was about ten feet high. 

I then saw a work colleauge called Lee, he came out of the house to show me his BMW. Lee was dressed in a black leather jacket and a white thong. Nothing else! 

I entered the house and threw my banana skin into the air. It hit the far wall and exploded sending cream all over the walls. My wife entered the room and just handed me a cloth. 


Monday, 17 March 2014

Mini bomb

My dreaming was a little fragmented last night. One minute I was in the office at work, talking to Steve. I was showing him my box of extra long matches. He was very impressed. 

The next minute, I was buying a Mini Copper with my wife. But we had to remove our shoes in the car showroom and they only had one cup left for their free coffee. 

We drove out of the showroom with the car, which had the very cool number plate of 'One' on it. It had got dark and we stopped the car as Arnold Schwarzenegger was standing in the road. He popped his head in the drivers window and told us the car was a bomb. 

The last part of my dream just prior to my alarm interrupting me involved me walking outside my in laws house. 
I had filled the hood of my top with shaving foam and put it over my head. 

I then hid behind my father in laws car as a very disabled man walked past. He had an oversized, disfigured head and I didn't want him to see me. 


Sunday, 16 March 2014


To the tune of, 'I'm into something good' by Herman's Hermits, I was driving a huge yellow coloured bulldozer. 

Nothing more than that. Waving my head from side to side in time with the song, I steared the machine around city streets and country lanes. 

I'm still huming the tune now.  



Saturday, 15 March 2014

Elvis Versus Dracula

I was working in a big old house and a woman was showing myself, Jess and Suki around. 
She opened two huge double doors and announced, "This is the Elvis room". 

The room was at least 30 feet high and looked just like an Egyptian tome. There were massive statues and wall paintings, all of Elvis Presley. I wandered off and opened another door. 

Inside I saw about twenty people sat around a table having a meal. The only one person I recognised was Justin from work. I walked up some stairs and was confronted by Count Dracula. 

The next thing I knew, I had been tied up and put on top of a wardrobe by Dracula. He was yust about to bite my neck when a hail of machine gun fire blasted up through the floor from the room below. 

In rushed Suki and Jess to my rescue but it was too late as both Dracula and myself had vanished. All that was left in the room was a McDonalds happy meal. Both Suki and Jess quickly forgot about me and tucked into the food. 

Lastly just before my alarm rudely halted my sleep, I was in a room with a nurse who was looking after a dying man. The man said he wanted to go into the garden. 

The nurse kept saying to him to have a 'Little tinkle' whilst out there. I woke up to this point needing the toilet. 


Friday, 14 March 2014

Operation Maximus 2

I woke this morning thinking I'd had the same dream I've had before. The dream being, I'm laying on an operating table about to have surgery. 

I'm awake and fully aware of what is going on. I can't move and doctors and nurses prepare to cut me open. I was so alarmed that I did wake before the knife went in. 

Upon checking, I had the same dream on 13th December 2011. 


Thursday, 13 March 2014

Roller coaster

I was in an abandoned mine and I was frantically running around. There didn't seem to be any reason to what I was doing, I just kept running, reaching a dead end, then turning and sprinting again. 

I found one of those carts on railway tracks that were used to transport rocks in. I had a flash of inspiration and jumped into the cart. Holding my arms above my head and screaming, it turned into a roller coaster ride. 

I smashed into a wall and calmly stepped out of the cart. Standing with my nose against the wall I could a clock ticking. The ticking got louder and several different clocks started also ticking. 

It was the sound from the Pink Floyd album Dark side of the moon, with all the alarm clocks. It was enough to pull me out of my sleep.


Wednesday, 12 March 2014

Handlebars and ponytails

Firstly I was in a furniture shop in the Lincolnshire seaside town of Skegness. The shop was closed as it was a Sunday during the winter. 
I was looking around the store with the owner who told me they wanted to sell the business. 

A man entered the shop, despite the closed sign being on and it being in darkness. He ignored us and walked the length of the store, before leaving. 

Next I was at work trying to remember the name of someone. I knew who I thinking of but couldn't pronounce their name. With a little help from one of my work colleagues, Lefty, it turned out I was talking about Lech Walesa, former trade unionist and Polish President. 

As I made comment to Lechs impressive handlebar moustache, George entered the room and sat down. Everyone stared at him as he looked strikingly different. 

Instead of his usual bald head, he was sporting a full head of hair, complete with a ponytail. George carried on as if nothing was different. Lefty and I looked at each other and started smiling. 


Tuesday, 11 March 2014

Harvey's got talent

It was a dark night in the city centre and I was walking down the main drag which is full of the usual chain of pubs and clubs. It could have been any city centre. 

I could hear a male voice singing but couldn't see where it was coming from. His voice was amazing and people were stopped in their tracks to listen to the singing. 

I looked upwards and saw a boy on top of a nightclub.  He was standing on the edge with his arms held aloft, belting out a song. When I walked closer I saw it was an old school friend called Mark Harvey. 

I haven't seen Mark for over 30 years, he looked as I remembered him except he was a shy boy and would never have sung in public.  



Monday, 10 March 2014

See a penny

I was walking on footpaths with my wife through a town. We kept going through the metal barriers set at angles to prevent cyclists using the paths. 

As we past through one, I saw a large coin on the floor. I picked it up and saw that it was an old penny from 1918. I smiled and put it in my pocket. 

At the next barrier I again saw a coin on the floor and that was an old half penny which had the date 1930 on it. I put it in my pocket too. 

It was then dark and I was waiting for a bus. I was first in the queue and I was waiting for either a 174 or a 175. Both would take me to my destination of Romford in Essex. 

As a bus arrived loads of old people queue jumped and filled the bus. I had to squeeze on and sat on the wheel arch. It was a very uncomfortable ride. 

The old penny was 31mm in diameter and was minted from 1860 to 1970. 
The half penny dated back 700 years and was ended in 1969. 


Sunday, 9 March 2014

Naked cycle

It was a bright sunny day and I was riding my bike through the countryside. 
Only difference was that I was completely naked. I headed towards a town with a light breeze cooling my nakedness. 

As I rode into a crowded town centre, no one took any notice of me. I knocked on the door to a shop and a forigen woman opened it and told me it was a Bed and Breakfast. 

I decided not to stay there and went back to my bike which I had left next to a group of other cycles. 
To my annoyance, the bike was gone and I stood there, naked and lost. 


Saturday, 8 March 2014

Public safety announcement

I had entered a top floor flat of work colleagues, Zip and Scott, who have just got married. Congrats guys. 
Zip showed me into the living room which had a balcony overlooking fields below. 

Scott was outside trying to adjust the tv aerial. We watched as he swung onto the  aerial like he was pole dancing and held his body out horizontally over the edge. 

Suddenly from behind the sofa, appeared work supervisor, Goldie. He shouted out, "Stop that, it's against health and safety rules!" 

I left the flat and when I reached the ground floor I was in a garage and my car was there. The mechanic asked me to reverse it into a bay. 
As I backed in I knocked over a gas cylinder. 

From behind a stack of tyres jumped out Goldie again. He wagged his finger at me and shouted, "Health and safety!"


Friday, 7 March 2014

In search of the perfect sausage

To the tune of, 'Can you feel the force', the 1979 hit from The Real Thing. I was wandering around market stalls in a town centre. 
I'd seen an old re run of Top of the Pops the previous night which featured the group with big hair and flares. 

I was with my wife, the person I dream of more than any other, we were going to all the food stalls looking for the best sausage sandwich. 

Everytime I suggested some, my wife said they weren't good enough. 
Finally I reached a stall that I couldn't see clearly as the display table was higher than my head. 

I gripped the table and pulled myself up and could just see a few sandwiches in front of my eyes. A sales woman peered over and down at me and said, "What can I get you?"

Taking a leap of faith, I just asked for two sausage sandwiches and hoped that the filling was up to standard. 
I unfortunately woke before getting a chance to try them. 

Now what shall I have for breakfast? 


Thursday, 6 March 2014

Sofa historian

I usually make a few notes on an app during the night as prompts about my dreams. Last night I was writing for ages in great detail about my dream and thought to myself that I really should get some sleep. 

When I woke this morning, the app was blank, I dreamt that I was writing it! Fortunately I remember the dream as it was somewhat odd. 

I was showing a group of strangers around my house. They were there to see my sofas, of which I have three in various rooms. At each sofa I gave a detailed account of the date of purchase, the story behind why I bought it and other amusing facts. 

The group lapped it up as I moved them around the house in true tour guide fashion.  


Wednesday, 5 March 2014

George Michael & the Kingfisher

I was in the luxury mansion of Pop star George Michael. Walking around in wonder at the splendor of his house I was very impressed. 

I got to a patio window and as I slided the door open, I saw the back of George sitting at a table outside. He was looking out over rolling countryside with a river at the bottom. It looked idealic. 

I walked past George and out onto a small roof top. It wasn't until I glanced back that I saw that it wasn't George but my Dad. Then at my feet was the unmistakable flash of vibraint blue of a Kingfisher. 

I waved my hand to call my dad over to see the bird but he just looked at me as if to say, 'I can't leave here'. 
The kingfisher sat at my feet, not bothered by my presence.  The whole scene was one of calm and peace. 


Tuesday, 4 March 2014

Human kites

With my wife looking on in amazement, I had tied four people to long peices of string. I then sat them onto a surf board and lifted them above my head. 

Running at speed with the board held high, I approached the edge of a cliff. As I reached the edge, I launched them off, plummeting them towards the crashing sea below. 

Just before they hit the waves, a gush of air lifted the surf board up throwing the four people into the air. Holding the ends of the string attached to them, I then flew them all in a synchronised human kite display. 

Swooping and flying through the air, my kites glided on the thermals. My wife was very impressed. 


Monday, 3 March 2014

Fuzz ball

I was chasing a sheep through the streets of my home town. Every time I got close, it gave me the slip. It eventually got its neck caught up on a fence and I went in to grab it. 

Just as I took hold of it, the sheep bolted leaving the head behind and it continued running. The head then sprouted legs and started running around. 

I was now chasing a headless sheep and a head on legs. I shouted after the head, calling out, "Come here Fuzz Ball". I couldn't catch them. 

Lastly my mother in law was driving me around a town I didn't recognise. She was talking to me and I looked up and saw that cars were flashing their headlights and moving out of the way as they drove towards us. 

I saw the No Entry signs and that she had driven down a one way street the wrong way. 


Sunday, 2 March 2014

Russian mafia connections

Starting off at my Nan's old house, I was sleeping in the spare room, it used to be called the box room. Probably because you couldn't fit much more that that in there. 

I got up in the night and checked the other bedrooms to find them empty. I wandered downstairs and found four naked men asleep on the living room floor.   

I was next walking around the corridors of my old school in Essex. There were lots of adult men dressed in black roll necked jumpers and leather jackets. 

As I walked past them, they all shock my hand and greated me in Russain. 
Then Spooner from work was walking along side of me. He told me that everyone was part of the Russian mafia and I had been accepted as one of them. 

When I looked at my clothing, I too was dressed in a leather jacket and roll necked jumper. 


Saturday, 1 March 2014

Break a leg

I was telling my wife about a man at work who fell off a motorbike and broke his leg. She then left the house to drive into town. 

I heard a car horn outside and looked to see an ambulance with the driver beckoning me to go out to her. 
I fumbled for my slippers and ran out. 

I opened the passenger door of the ambulance to find three female paramedics inside. They told me my wife had broken her leg. 

I was confused and said I told her about that before she left. I was worried that she had smashed her new car up but they told me she did it walking. 

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