Wednesday, 30 April 2014

Wigwam's and lawn mowers

Not unusually for me I drempt I was at my mums house. I was playing football but inside the house. Starting at the front door, I dribbled the ball up the stairs past lots of people and into the front bedroom. The goal was against the wall, I smashed it into the top right hand corner. I heard thousands of people celebrating. 

Next I was attempting to get a petrol lawn mower to start in a large unknown garden. This must be as a direct result of chatting about lawn mowers yesterday. Watching me attempting to do this was my wife and her friend Jayne. 
After several fail attempts to get it going, I looked into the grass box to see that it was blocked with hay. 

Finally I was standing tree branches up together and arranging them in a triangular shape. I appeared to be in a field. Two men were watching me, I knew who they were, but couldn't see their faces. I tied the tops of the branches together and pulled down a canvas cover whilst remaining inside the wigwam structure. 

Once the canvas was fitted over the frame, I started to panic as I couldn't find a way out. I shouted to the two men outside, frantically scratching at the canvas to find an exit. Eventually I crawled under the bottom and when I emerged I was next to a boat on a river. The two men had gone.  



Tuesday, 29 April 2014

Kiss on my list

I was at work in the bosses office and they were telling me about how much work was coming in. Each job was written on a sticky label. I was not impressed by the amount of jobs I was going to have. 

Outside of the office in the main open plan office I could see Ryan at a desk in the corner, it was dark and he had his head bent down over his work. The boss commented on how hard working he was. He then told me to fetch more sticky labels before we ran out. 

I walked over to where Ryan was and flicked on the light above his desk. This caused Ryan to be disturbed from his sleep and he looked up with sleepy eyes. I asked him for some label, he handed me a stack of them and went back to sleep. 

As I looked at the labels in my hand I could hear music. It was, 'Kiss on my list', the 1980 hit from Hall and Oates. I then thought that no labels meant no work. I smiled a evil smile and threw the labels out of the window. 


Monday, 28 April 2014


For the first time in possibly two years, I have failed to recall my dream. I did only have around four hours sleep after working a night shiftz, and those hours were spent in a coma like state. 

I'm sure normal service will be resumed tomorrow. 


Sunday, 27 April 2014

i phone, no phone

As often, my day time dreams seem to be on the short side. Today I was in my bed checking various apps on my i phone. The phone was wrapped in a rubber protective cover and my phone was actually circular. 

The phone was fully functional and I happily flicked around the apps. I pulled the rubber cover off to remove dust from around the edges. As I took off the cover, it completely disintegrated into thousands of glass shards. 

I dropped the remaining pieces onto the bedside cabinet and stared at the wrecked phone in disbelief. I then tried to rack my brain as to how this could have happened. I remembered dropping my phone last week when I was actually awake. 

Maybe Apple could look at bringing out the i phone 6 in a circular version?  I want copyright if they do!


Saturday, 26 April 2014

Hanging around

A slightly macabre and brief dream from my sleep after a night shiftz.
I was standing next to a man I didn't know, looking at a long wooden work surface that was at my eye level. In the centre of it was a slit about an inch wide that divided the panel. 

Sticking out of the edge of this slit was a metal rod with a hook on the end of it. Both the unknown man and myself had a rope noose around our necks. The man was looking nervous and I was comforting him' saying' "It will be fine, watch me". 

I then proceeded to attach the loose end of my rope over the hook on the metal rod. As I did this the rod started to move away from me along the slit in the work surface. Pulling the attached rope with it, the noose around my neck tightened and pulled me along. 

I looked back at the male and said, "See, easy". The rope became ever tighter and I started to lose consciousness. I knew I was dying, I shut my eyes and was left with nothing. Just a black empty nothing, no feelings or sound. Just blackness. 


Friday, 25 April 2014

Stake out

When I was a child I would spend the summer holidays at my grandparents house. They had a huge long garden and it was my adventure playground. I'd spend many a happy hour out there and the days went on for ever. 

It was in this tranquil setting that I was dreaming last night. Laying on my stomach at the end of the garden behind the vegetable plot. I had a set of binoculars and was watching the house. Laying beside me was my wife. 

I kept a constant watch on the house whilst contently chatting away to my wife about my happy childhood days spent at my grandparents. After what seemed like hours of me talking, I lowered the binoculars and glanced over at my wife. She was sound asleep and I was in my bed. 




Thursday, 24 April 2014

Hells Angels and rodents

The very first part of my dream was lost due to a very stark awakening from my wife as she jabbed me in the ribs, stating I was making dog noises. 

Next I was going into a pub to watch TV. In the entrance to the bar was a pool table which had a group of leather clad Hells Angels gathered around it. 

I attempted to walk past them but they blocked my path and stared at me in an intimidating manner. I asked to get by saying I didn't want any trouble and just wanted to watch TV. 

One of them, who I'm guessing was the leader, approached me and said, "This is a pub, if you want to watch TV, go home nancy boy!"
I decided this was sound advice and turned and walked away. 

Lastly I was in a huge kitchen and every applicance was brilliant white. The worktops, floor and walls were all bright white. Nothing in the room had any colour. The entire room was a dazzling white. 

I saw Janice my neighbour who said there was a tapping sound from behind the fridge. I pulled out the appliance and a little mouse scurried out and started running in circles in the middle of the floor. It was a white mouse. 


Wednesday, 23 April 2014

Domestic bliss

A very brief dream last night. Along with my wife, I was in my house. I heard a car pull up outside and peered out of the window to see who it was. 

I didn't recognise the car but saw that the people getting out of it where my mum and two sisters. I was slightly annoyed when they all looked over at the house and then walked away. 

Taking offence at being ignored by my family, I rushed to the front door and opened it. I then saw that I was in my mums house and not my own. 

My two sisters walked past the house and my older sister said hello and asked how I was. I then started to shout abuse at them both, saying that I didn't like being ignored. 
My mum just rolled her eyes and walked away. 




Tuesday, 22 April 2014

Robbie Savage and the Super dome

I was walking around an isolated woods with three other men but I didn't recognise them. In a small clearing was a ramshackle house that looked like a boys den. 

We were all peering into the windows when the door opened and a tramp like man confronted us. As he was telling us to leave him alone, I glanced beyond him into the house and caught a glimpse of shiny silver. 

The tramp saw me looking and proudly invited us all in to look. In the centre of the room was an elaborate water fountain. The top of it was a highly polished chrome dome and boiling water flowed from it. 

The tramp lifted up the dome and produced a shower attachment, which he then proceeded to demonstrate. Looking at the tramp, he was in rags and was filthy, I'm not sure he used it much. He was clean shaven however and looked like the football player, Robbie Savage. 

Further lifting up from the base of the dome, revealed a recess that was covered in wood panels. The panels had shapes drawn on them. The tramp picked up an electric gigsaw and started cutting out the shapes. 


Monday, 21 April 2014

Intruder in the pig house

I started off by being in the street where I grew up. My mums house was empty and I didn't have a key anymore. The neighbours house had a Triumph Stag car on the driveway. 

I said to myself that the car belonged to Robert who used to live there and that I should get a key to mums house from my nan to check on the place. 

I was next out cycling with my wife and another person but I couldn't see who they were. We stopped as my wife's back wheel kept locking up. 

We were inspecting the bike, which was covered in mud, and three small boys approached us. They started to point out that it was the mud stopping the wheel from turning. I then noticed that my wife had a personalised number plate on her bike with her initials on it. 

Lastly we were in a house I didn't recognise. At the back of the kitchen was a larder type room that we had converted into a house for our guinea pigs. Our dog ran into the pig house and started barking. 

I went in to get him out and found a black man hiding in there. I grabbed hold of him and shouted to my wife to call the police. I started to drag the man out through the house and into the street. 
By the time I got the man into the street he had turned into a large bag of hay. I still sat on it in case it eascaped. As I sat waiting for the police, a bus drove past with two men running ahead of it. They were doing karate chops raising money for charity. 


Sunday, 20 April 2014

Japanesse President

I began by boarding a bus along with the daughter of my friend Matt. I paid the fare, took my ticket and started to walk to the back of the bus as it moved off. 

I glanced back into the street to see that my 4 year old companion was still standing at the bus stop. I calmly asked the driver to stop and stepped off the bus. 

Upon seeing me, my friends daughters eyes lit up and became twice their normal size. She ran and hugged me and we got back on the bus to a round of applause    from the other passengers. 

Next I was watching as president Obama was in a Japanesse style house. The walls were paper deviding the rooms. A man walked in and the president picked up a huge sword and began waving it above his head. 

He then ran through the house leaping into the paper walls in dramatic fashion. The man calmly followed behind him. 
Trapped in a corner, the president again waved the sword around. 

The man pulled out a pistol from his pocket and shot the president in the stomach. Obama looked down in shock and dropped to the floor. 


Saturday, 19 April 2014

Mental well being

I had an appointment to see a psychologist. I'd arrived at a large open plan room that contained hundreds of people. 

There was a desk in the middle of the room and I approached it and told the receptionist I was there. They informed me the psychologist was running late. 

Whilst waiting I walked around the room eating a raw pepper from a plastic bag of salad. There were beds in the room each of which had an indoor rabbit cage on them. 

Everyone in the room was either talking or shouting, the noise was becoming annoying. I dropped my bag of salad into a rabbit cage and went back to the desk in the centre of the room. 

The psychologist arrived and shook my hand, he said, "We have met before". I didn't recognise him. He then started talking into a microphone. 

I decided to leave and as I headed for the exit, Twelly, from work came in. He was wearing a bright red, cotton track suit which looked like a throwback from the 1980's. 

I stopped to speak with him but he was just standing staring at the room with his mouth wide open. 


Friday, 18 April 2014

Fried eggs and peach slices

I'd visited my Nan's old house to see all my relatives who had gathered there. 
As I walked in, there were two new born babies in prams with my cousin David sat next to them. 

I started to talk to David and realised that he was deaf. He pointed at a girl sat oppersite him who was his new girlfriend. She was also deaf and was using sign language to communicate. 

David congratulated me on becoming a dad, which was news to me! My uncle then arrived and said he had joined the police despite being in his 70's. 

I walked into the kitchen and found it to be my mums kitchen in her house. Standing at the hob was Lefty from work, he was cooking breakfast. 
He was frying four eggs in a pan, topped with peach slices. 
He just looked up at me and grinned as if to say, you're not getting any. 


Thursday, 17 April 2014

Batten down the hatches

Only a short dream from last night which involved me being in my childhood bedroom. 

I was laying in bed, the room was dark and I could hear it becoming breezy outside. The windows started to rattle and then the ceiling began to make a creeking sound. 

I looked up and the whole ceiling and roof started to lift away from the house. I stared contemplating this for some time and thought the best option would be to tie it down. 

I then left the bedroom and walked directly into the shed in my garden that I have now. I picked up some cable ties from the shelf and returned to the bedroom. 

I then tied down the roof using the small plastic ties. It worked and I went to sleep. Even though I was already asleep dreaming. 


Wednesday, 16 April 2014

Have you seen Matt?

I am convinced that dreaming is partly made up of memories, feelings and an imaginative mind. Sleeping releases them to float around in your mind, grabbing snippets and piecing them together in sometimes bizzare fashion. 

Last night I started off being in my home town but I was with my HR manager from work. She said she was taking me for a coffee. 
We went into what was my local pub on the outside, but inside it was a Starbucks. 

Next I had given my good friend Matt my pet hamster to look after, placing it in a red plastic carry case. 
Walking along the street I found the red case left on the floor. Matt was nowhere to be seen. 

The hamster was still in the case but the top was open. It was still in there but had been attacked by another animal and all the fur on its bottom was missing. 

Next I woke briefly as my wife was getting up for work. I mentioned to her about next doors child crying and his dad shouting and that it's the first time I've heard them. 
This turned out to be a dream, as there is no child living next door to us. 

Lastly I was with Rastafarian man who kept singing a Bob Marley song 'Don't worry, everything's going to be alright', at the top of his voice. 

We went into a packed bar, and I instantly lost him in the crowd. I soon found him again as everyone stood away from the weird man singing his head off. 

I approached the bar and some people hugged and excitedly greeted me. I had no idea who they were. 
I put my hand in my pocket and pulled out my bare bottom hamster. I said, "Have you seen Matt? He is responsible for this!"


Tuesday, 15 April 2014

Just nod if you can hear me

I was in a room along with a large group of people. The mood was jovial and there was a lot of banter and discussions going on. 

I didn't know or recognise anyone in the room but I joined in some conversations. It wasn't until some time that I noticed that no one was actually talking to me directly or replying to me. 

I shouted in an attempt to make myself heard and even began waving my arms in frustration. Still no one engaged with me. I was totally invisible to everyone. 

This reminded me of a song and I started to sing it in my head and woke with it stuck on replay this morning. 

'There is no pain you are receding 
A distant ship's smoke on the horizon 
You are only coming through in waves 
Your lips move 
But I can't hear what you're saying'

Pink Floyd comfortably numb 1982


Monday, 14 April 2014

Columbo and the one armed president

I was on the phone making a doctors appointment.
I was told I would be seeing Doctor Watson at 15.30 the next day. I knew I would be at work at that time but didn't care. 

Next I was watching as actor Peter Falk playing Columbo, sat at a table with American president, Obama. 
The president was talking about a female he had met that morning. 

He held up his arm showing his had was missing. When asked what happened to it, Obama stated that the woman had cut it off. 
Columbo them started taking photos of the president as he continued to speak. 


Sunday, 13 April 2014

Flip flops and cannabis

I was with Kyle from work and we were in an unknown street. Kyle had thrown a cricket ball which had hit an old Asian lady on the head. 
Kyle attempted to run after the lady to apologise, but as he was wearing flip flops, he kept falling over. 

The woman ran into a house and into her back garden. We climbed her fence to get into her garden but as we got on top of the fence, we appeared to be on top of a large fish tank. Kyle, again due to his poor choice of footwear, fell in. 

I was next in a dark alley in London, I was with a group of people I didn't know. I was throwing a tennis ball up against the wall and everyone was taking turns in catching it. 

My dad entered the alley and started passing a large cigarette around. Judging by the reaction of everyone that smoked it, it was a cannabis joint. 

I told my dad we needed to leave and he said he was teaching someone to drive and they could give us a ride. Several stoned people piled into a car with a big L shaped cone on the roof. 

An extremely nervous female learner driver then proceeded to crash into lamposts and run up curbs as her passengers shouted and giggled loudly. 

Just as the female smashed into a shop, Ryan from work walked up to the car. He popped his head in the window and told us there was a party at his house. We all left the female crying in the car. 


Saturday, 12 April 2014

Celebrity rabbit hutch

My entire dream took place in my mums back garden. Where I appeared to be sleeping rough dressed as a tramp. My bed of choice was a rabbit hutch. 

As you can imagine, it was a little on the cosy side and when I needed the toilet I stood up and walked the hutch into the house to use the bathroom as I couldn't get out. 

After carefully negotiating the hutch through the kitchen I reached the bathroom door. I kicked open the door and found Petr from work sat totally naked on the toilet! 

I swore at Petr for being on the pan when I needed to go and went back into the garden. As I got there, limos were pulling up to arrive at a party. 

Cameras flashed to catch the entire cast from the TV series, Lost, followed by actor Ray Winstone. He was followed by veteran broadcaster, David Attenborough in a crumpled white suit. 

David approached me, put his hand through the rabbit hutch and shook my hand. He asked me where the toilet was and I told him about Petr being in there. David just said, "For F**k sake, he doesn't even live here!"


Friday, 11 April 2014

Ice cream baked beans

I began my nights dreaming in a hotel. I was staying there and was standing in the shower. I was fully dressed and had the quilt wrapped around me. The shower was on and I was soaking wet. 

I decided to go to breakfast but spent ages walking around the hotel looking for the dining hall. 
Eventually I found it and a woman was serving hot food. 

I had bacon, sausage, baked beans and ice cream. It seemed a good idea and it was free. I then saw that you had to sit at the table number that corresponded with your room number. 

I'd forgotten my room number so I walked off to find it with my plate of food in hand. I wandered for ages unable to locate my room and ended up on a building site. 

Lastly I needed the toilet and found a men's rest room but it had no cubicles, just a toilet in the middle of the room. As I was alone I decided to use it. 

As soon as I dropped my trousers and sat down, the door opened and loads of other men entered. Feeling very self conscious I tried to abort my mission but upon inspection I had forgotten to drop my boxer shorts and had filled them!


Thursday, 10 April 2014

Cannonball run 2014

I began by being in a church, polishing a cabinet whilst playing rock music very loudly. 
I woman entered the church and put some change into the collection box. She tutted at me and left. 

Next I was at a dog show with my wife and our dog Humbug. We met Jen, one of our neighbours and both her and my wife were excitedly discussing the smart entry system on their cars. 

As we waited to enter our boy, a posh looking woman lifted a cover off from her prize winning poodle. 
The poodle was in prestine condition and it's fur was cut like a topiary hedge. We decided to leave. 

Lastly I was film legend, Bert Reynolds and I was trying to find a female partner to join me in a Cannonball car race. 
I went to see Cybil Shepard but she hid in a chest freezer to avoid me. 

I found Lorriane from work in the street, she was oddly just in jeans and a bra. I convinced her to go on the race with me. She reluctantly agreed and was very upset when I told her we were using her car. 


Wednesday, 9 April 2014

Death by fruit

I'm having lots of hand related dreams at the moment. This is due to a condition known as Carpal Tunnel, the pain and tingling often manifests into my slumber. 

Last night whilst holding my hands out in front of my face, I watched giant sized strawberries and equally massive, plums, rolling down a hill towards me. 

With the realisation that I would be squashed if I didn't take avasive action, I seemed transfixed on my hands. 
I woke from my fruit related fate, to find I was holding my hands in front of my face. 


Tuesday, 8 April 2014

Boxing champion

The initial part of my dream involved me watching a large bowl of sweetcorn. It wasn't on the cob, but loose. As I observed the container of little yellow goodness, it started to flicker and crack just like popping corn. 
Eventually, the bowl totally exploded into thousands of peices. 

I'd next been in the office of a former employer called Mike. He handed me a championship boxing belt and told me it belonged to former World boxing number one, Janice, my neighbour. 

I took the belt wondering how the very unassuming small lady from next door had become a boxing champion. I knocked on her front door but I could hear her hair dryer, so I hung the belt on her door knob and left. 

As I was leaving I saw my wife knitting. She had a very angry frustrated look on her face as she was unable to knit. I tried to tell her about Janice and her boxing belt but she was too engrossed in her task. 



Monday, 7 April 2014

Dad dancing

The first part of my dream involved me at work with my good friend Martin. We were in the street surrounded by people and vehicles. 

Someone had music playing from their car stereo and I just couldn't contain myself as I started to dance. I got so carried away that I jumped onto a cars roof and carried on with my best Dad dancing. 

I leaped from car to car, strutting my stuff to the music. I looked down at Martin, he stood glaring at me, arms folded. Not impressed. 

Lastly I was at home attempting to install a wireless internet system. My wife was on the computer and I told her I'd need to switch everything off for a short time. 

She sat waiting during the wi fi interruption and a parcel appeared on the desk in front of her. She opened it and just said, "It's a valentines gift from my ex husband, it really is time he moved on". 


Sunday, 6 April 2014

Sleep writing

I often make notes on my phone during the night as prompts to recall various parts of my dreaming. 
Just the odd word or two helps to remember them. 

Last night I was making detailed and extensive notes, taking care to write complete sentences and structured my writing. I remember thinking to myself that I won't need to write it up when I wake. 

When I've woken this morning, my notes page was blank and I can only recall writing for ages. This was in fact the extent of my dream. 

I did drift back to sleep briefly and found myself below deck on a speed boat. The boat was being driven by a friends daughter called Amy. 

My wife was with me, along with others but I couldn't see their faces. The boat smashed into a big wave and flipped over, throwing us all into the water. 


Saturday, 5 April 2014

Look, no hands

I'm normally wandering somewhere in my dreams, often childhood places or just random areas. 

Last night my brief travels had me walking in a feild. I could look into the subconscious meaning of this but I'm not really that bothered. 

The main factor during my walk, was that I had no hands. As I held out my arms in front of me, there was just two stumps where my hands used to be. 

That was it, no more to it than that. Looking up the meaning of this on various dream interpret sites, has no explanation. 


Friday, 4 April 2014

Castle green

I was on a single decker bus with a male I didn't recognise but seemed to know him. The bus was brand new and very clean and shiny. 

The person with me pushed the stop button and we thanked the driver as we alighted from the vehicle. 

I then found myself at the entrance to Castle Green park in the Essex town of Dagenham. A place I spent a lot of my childhood. 

I looked down at my feet as we walked and the grass was almost completely covered in dog pooh. 
I had to tip toe through it to avoid stepping in any. I shouted out, "There's dog shit everywhere!" 



Thursday, 3 April 2014


I was in a dark room or either outside and it was night, I couldn't really tell. There were hundreds of people around me, almost as dense as if in a football crowd. 

I was trying to make my way through the crowd when I saw a man holding his face. Blood was dripping through his fingers and he was in pain. 

The man glanced up at me and pointed with his other hand towards a male a short distance from us. He said, "He did this to me". 
As he uttered these words, the people surrounding the male parted, leaving him isolated. 

I approached the male and told him to show me his hands. He compiled and I took one arm and placed it behind his back. As I did this the male brought his other arm around and stabbed a needle into my left hand. 

The pain felt real and woke me from my dream, I was shocked that I had been stabbed but laying awake, the pain in my left hand continued. 


Wednesday, 2 April 2014

My little runaway

An animal themed dream from last night. Beginning with my me being in a feild with my wife's old horse Murphy. 

I was making a fuss of him when friend and work colleauge, Davey Mac appeared. Davey produced a £5 note and tucked it behind Murphys ear. 

He then covered him from head to toe in straw. I took a picture of Davey with thumbs up next to Murphy to send to my wife. 

Next out walking with my wife in a park, we had our dog, Humbug, my wife's Nan's dog, Lilly and a mystery Greyhound. 

Lilly ran off at speed in one direction and Humbug and the greyhound in the opposite. I sent my wife after Lilly and I went to get the other two. 

When I caught up to them, I was no longer in a park but in the streets surrounding my mums house. Humbug ran back to me but the greyhound had vanished. 


Tuesday, 1 April 2014

Cress Bikini

I went into the local shop I used to visit as a child. I was in there to get my passport photo taken. The lady behind the counter was the woman who owns the pet shop near to my home now. 

I was instructed to stand still but I kept finding that my arms were over my head, just as I do when I'm laying in bed. After several attempts the photos were done. I handed the lady £2 and left. 

Outside I looked at the photos, they were just blank. Returning to the shop, the lady was closing the store. I ran in and told her about the pictures. She agreed to do them again. 

As she prepared the camera, an old lady came into the shop and kept trying to photobomb my picture. I looked down at her and saw that she was completely naked. 

Even more alarming was that where her down below private parts should be, was a covering of cress. It was neatly growing in a perfect V shape!

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