Monday, 30 June 2014

Speed viewing

I was with my wife and a girl who was about 8 years old. The child was carrying a car battery. We didn't offer to help her and watched her struggle at its weight. 

I kept ringing a phone number and when an old man answered, I hung up every time. He was very annoyed. 

We got to an estate agents office and were waiting to be shown some properties. My wife turned to me and shouted, "Go go go, it's speed house viewing". 

We then had to run into a house, race through all of the rooms and get out within a minute and on to the next house. All the time we were doing this, the child was running behind us with the car battery. 

Sunday, 29 June 2014

The light

I was walking towards a brilliant white light, so bright it was hurting my eyes. Accompanying this light was a thud that happened every few seconds. 

I knew I was asleep but I could sense something around me and was being pulled from my dream. 

I eventually opened my eyes to be confronted by my dog who had been jumping on and off the bed to indicate he needed the loo. And the light, that was the blazing morning sun hitting through the window. 


Saturday, 28 June 2014

Onesie wonder

Along with my wife I was watching hundreds of brightly coloured birds. They were all flying around our heads and landing at our feet. 

Most of them were the size of owls and seemed to have knitted patchwork feathers. As I looked at them closer, they all turned into wearing onsies. 

I was next walking away from the birds, my wife called after me and asked me where I was going. I shouted back that I was going to my Nan's house in Essex. 

My wife called after me, "She doesn't live there any more". But I just kept on walking. 


Friday, 27 June 2014

Dead leg

Walking at the city centre end of Lincoln Road in Peterborough, I approached a small crowd that had gathered. I could also hear a man crying in pain. 

Just as I reached the crowd, I saw a severed human leg laying on the floor. It still had a shoe on it. The sound of the man was increasing, he sounded in intense pain. 

I pushed through the crowd and saw a man on the floor screaming in agony and with a leg missing. I shouted for everyone to get back and they did. 

Looking down at the floor, there was blood everywhere and hundreds of footprints in it. A small boy ran around us, mocking me. 

I tried to push the boy and shouted at him to get back but he continued to avaid me. All the time the one leged man screamed in pain. 


Thursday, 26 June 2014

Subaru super car

I was driving a dark blue coloured Subaru car with my wife as passenger. All I can remember was my wife getting out as I tired to reverse park into a bay. 

I slowly guided the car backwards as my wife stood and watched me. She indicated that I had a couple of feet before I reached the metal post at the back of the bay. 

For reasons unknown, I slammed my foot onto the pedal and smashed into the post. I got out and looked at the mess I'd made of the rear of the car. As I surveyed the damage, the car buckled and bent itself back into shape. Handy. 


Wednesday, 25 June 2014

Transport drunk

I was on the top deck of a London red bus. I was travelling through the Essex town of Barking at night and I wanted to get home. I was aware that the bus terminated in Barking and when it reached the end of the journey, I asked the driver if I could stay on the bus and wait for it to make the return journey. 

I was informed that the bus wasn't going back and so got off, as I did so a fat bald headed drunk man got on the bus. I told him that the bus had terminated but he was too drunk to even hear me. I took hold of the man by his collar had physically dragged him into the street. 

The bus had then become a train, the man got up and climbed up into the train. Angry at this, I again dragged him off into the street. As he lay on the floor I kicked and punched him repeatedly, he did nothing and remained still and lifeless. 

The landscape had become frozen and thick snow covered the streets. I left the drunk laying in the street and started my long walk home. The streets were totally empty and there was an uneasy silence. 


Tuesday, 24 June 2014

Double take

It took me a while to work out what was going on this morning. I woke and lay confused trying to figure out my dream. 

I was looking at myself laying on the floor, my face was very close to my face, as if facing a mirror. I kept changing from being the me on the floor, to the me looking down at me. 

This went on for some time and I flashed between the two, getting increasingly faster until I was just the me laying down and awake in my bed. 


Monday, 23 June 2014

Awesome & hot air

Not surprisingly I have dreamt about a character in a series I'm currently watching a lot of. The series is US show, 'Chuck' and the character is played by actor Ryan McPartlin, who has the nickname Awesome in the show. 

I was searching a very dirty and smelly house with Awesome and my dad, I have no idea what it was we were looking for, but the search was very unpleasant. I opened a bag and discovered a pair of sheet metal hand cutters. 

I held them up to my dad and very excitedly announced that they were rare right handed ones. Both myself and my dad worked with sheet metal many years ago. Awesome wasn't in the slightest bit impressed by my discovery. And he couldn't understand my absolute delight at finding a pair of left handed cutters too. 

I was next in a hot air balloon with my wife, having been talking about it the previous day. The location was far from exciting however, we were flying over the shops in Dagenham Heathway in Essex. 


Sunday, 22 June 2014

Axe man

A very vivid dream last night, more so than most, with it actually feeling real. Beginning in a gym hall with a large group of people exercising. 

We were being given instructions by a trainer who had us all stepping heal to toe around in a circle. In time everyone sat down. Not recalling any instruction to sit, I continued walking along with a woman. Eventually, everyone was sat except us. 

I was next looking into the back of an ambulance. There was a mattress in there that was coverd in blood. I turned away from the ambulance and saw a row of very sad faces. I heard someone say that a paramedic had been shot and killed. The ambulance drove away. 

Lastly I was with my wife and we were about to enter an underpass. Just in front of us was a man walking his very large dog on an extendable lead. The man was wet, as if he had been standing in water. The underpass was black dark and we had a torch and so did the man with the dog. 

The dog kept crossing our path and becoming tangled in our legs. We walked faster and got ahead of the man and the dog, all we could see was our torch light and that of the man's behind us. 

Suddenly the light from behind us went off, I looked back to see the man's dog running towards and then past us, a look of horror on its face. I tried to focus back down to the darkness of the underpass but couldn't see. Then a light hit the entrance and lit up in silhouette the body of the man laying on the floor. Standing above him was the figure of a man holding an axe. 


Saturday, 21 June 2014

Disabled priest & Australians

My dream began in a church and I was trying to enter through a door but a priest in a wheelchair was blocking my path. 

I asked him to move but he just wouldn't stop talking and every time I spoke, he became louder and spoke over me. I was becoming so annoyed with him that I was contemplating punching him. 

Eventually I just pushed his wheelchair and sent him spinning off down the isle still talking. I then entered through the door. 

On the other side of the door was a completely empty stone walled room. Apart from in the middle of the floor was a cordless drill. 

I could see an outline of a door in one of the walls and pushed it open. I almost fell as the opening was a massive drop into a cave. Right at the bottom of the cave were some old stone steps, leading nowhere. 

I was then walking out in the street, it was bright and sunny. I could hear a child behind me. She had an Australian accent and was swearing. 

She was right behind me and grabbed me around my chest. I told her to get off and threw my arms up to push her back. As I did this, I woke up pushing my sleeping wife off who was hugging me.   


Friday, 20 June 2014

Christmas dinner

I'm afraid it's the briefest do dreams again. This time I was at my friends house for Christmas dinner. Lou had prepared the most amazing spread of food. Enough to feed twenty people. 

The only thing was, it was only us two there!


Thursday, 19 June 2014

Lady letters

My dreams always seem to be brief whilst I'm sleeping during the day. Eleven years of shift work still messes with your body clock. Today I was walking along a street when two young girls approached me. They told me that I had some letters in the post box. 

Instead of going to my own house I walked Into to a neighbours kitchen and said, "Hello my lady" to her. The two girls who were still with me both started to call my neighbour by her first name which totally infuriated her. 

She angrily picked up a stack of letters and threw them at me, they all fell over the floor. The girls started laughing which made my neighbour even more annoyed. She shouted, "Get out of my house!"
We left. 


Wednesday, 18 June 2014

Screw you copper!

I was talking to a man that was fishing by a riverside. He told me that he had all of his equipment stolen the week before and that the people would be back again. 

I decided to catch the thief in the act and hid up to pounce on the unsuspecting criminal. 

After hours of watching the mans fishing rod and tackle I fell asleep. I opened my eyes and saw that everything had gone. On a tree close by was a sign that said, "stupid cops". 



Tuesday, 17 June 2014

Dreamous interuptous

A blank for today. First night shiftz last night and I was woken part way through my sleep today and so lost anything that I did have. 


Monday, 16 June 2014

Lawless Britain

I began by watching, presenter of tv's, 'Grand designs', Kevin McCloud swimming in a river. I was high up on the bank walking along and keeping pace with him. 

Knowing where he was I threw a large rock to the right of him so that it didn't hit him. Unfortunately I hadn't noticed the second person swimming with Kevin and the rock smashed him on the head. 

After apologising perfusly at cracking the mans head open I decided my best course of action was to leave. 

I was next perched up high above the local shops close to where I grew up. I had a high powered snipers rifle and I was picking people off. 

As the third person I targeted, dropped dead, a riot broke out, with shops and houses being looted. I moved from up high and joined the chaos. 

I approached a house and a black man opened the door. He was frightened by the riots and refused to let me in. I explained that I just needed the toilet and he directed me to under the stairs. 

I entered the tiny space and could see a toilet sistern but no pan. There was a small open pipe sticking up so I began to pee into that. 

From out of the pipe appeared a hand, shocked at this I stood back as the sistern lid opened and a small black boy popped out of it. Unhappy at being peed on, he started to cry. 


Sunday, 15 June 2014

Gorilla box

Last night I was a huge silver back gorilla. I wasn't in the natural environment you'd expect to find this wild beast. I was walking along a city high street. Walking upright I was holding the hand of a woman that I didn't know. 

The woman lead me along the street, as if she was guiding a small child, although I towered above her. No one appeared to take any notice of us either, it was as if a woman taking a gorilla for a walk was an every day accurance. 

Tucked into the corner of a shop doorway was a cardboard shoe box. The shop was closed and when I saw the shoe box, I started to jump up and down and became very excited. The woman calmly turned to me and slapped my face. 
We continued walking.   


Saturday, 14 June 2014

Needles and pins

I have nothing today, other than laying in bed staring at my hands in front of my face. I had no feeling in them at all and I wasn't sure that they were even mine. 

As I woke up from my slumber, I realised that I once again had pins and needles in my hands. A symptom of Carpol Tunnel Syndrome. I seem to have started humming the Searchers 1964 song, 'Needles and pins' as a result. 


Friday, 13 June 2014

It's a date

I was leaving a house in the early hours of the morning, I was with a guy I didn't know. We decided to jog back to my house and started to run through dimly lit city streets. As the realisation came over me that I didn't know where I was I stopped running. 

When I turned to the guy I was with, I recognised him as the character Jeff, from the TV series Chuck, played by actor Scott Krinsky. We both sat on the pavement and started to chat. Scott asked me how I had ended up living there. 

I then gave him all the dates of when and where I had ever lived in the UK. The actual dates were factual and I gave him my complete history. Scott was then approached by a woman who I thought was his wife. She asked him if the dog was awake yet and he replied that it was still in bed. 


Thursday, 12 June 2014

Pool side

I was at the gym getting some personal training by a guy I didn't know. He took me into a swimming pool and started to give me instructions. 

He told me to bring my knees up to my chest alternatively and hold them there for a minute at a time. I did this and he threw me into the pool. 

Remaining calm I jumped off from the bottom of the pool, knowing I'd float upwards. I started to panic because my legs were numb and I remained on the bottom. 

I was then suddenly standing pool side watching a group of people play a game in the water. I spotted Spooner from work who was rushed by two people and they smashed into him. The force of this caused him to fly into the air and crash through a window. 

I ran over to see if he was alright, when I got to him, he was in fits of hysterical laughter. I sat down with him and we started to discuss the best price for hot cross buns. 


Wednesday, 11 June 2014

Corby jam

I was initially at the top of a medieval castle on a BMX bike, I was cycling along the wall between the turrets performing stunts. I reached the end of the wall and saw a pile of sand up against the turret. 
I lifted myself up over the wall so that I could see below, there was a massive mountainous drop completely made of sand. I gasped at the sheer drop and dropped back to safety. 

Next I was driving my wife's car through the ring roads of the Northamptonshire town of Corby, it was late at night and the roads were empty. 
As I continued my journey, I noticed blue flashing lights on the opposite carriageway. A Vauxhall Astra car was crashed into the central reservation and the police were leading away two young lads. 

In the road ahead of me were loads of glass pots of jam, they were just sitting in the road and I had to manovoure the car around them to avoid smashing them and puncturing the tyres. I managed to successfully get around them and arrived at my place of work, which isn't in Corby. 

The entire inside of the building had been painted brilliant white and it hurt my eyes. I walked upstairs to the briefing room to find that all the computers had been replaced with pool tables. At one of the tables was Dan. I asked him where all the computers had gone and he said, "We just play pool all day now, it's brilliant". 


Tuesday, 10 June 2014

Chocolate and fish fingers.

It was a dark night and I was driving a lorry along an empty road. The lorry was the type that had a flat bed on the back, this was empty apart from a conveyor belt that ran from the back of the lorry up to just behind the drivers cab. 

The conveyor belt was moving and on it was an alternate chocolate bar and fish finger. As I drove along they moved up towards my cab. If I didn't take one and eat it before it reached the end, they fell into the road leaving a trail of confectionary and fish in a breadcrumbs. 

That was all there was to it, a continual supply of chocolate and fish, like my dream itself was on a conveyor belt. 


Monday, 9 June 2014

Cricket and cake

After spending two years in prison I was watching one of the most pointless sports in the world last night, cricket. Never has there been a more mind numbingly, tedious dull game, it makes stamp collecting seem exciting. 
I was sat in the crowd watching a game and I was bored to the extent I was thinking of the quickest way to end my life and releasing myself from the torture. 

I was then at work and the road outside had been made into a swimming pool, I was able walk along the pavement and jump in whenever I felt like a swim. Cars and lorries had been converted into boats so that it could still be used for transport. 

I entered into our briefing room in my dressing gown and it was very dark. Someone had placed paper over all of the windows and fixed them with staples. I walked around the room pulling them down and allowing light into the room. 

As the room was illuminated by sunlight, I saw that the big briefing table in the centre of the room was completely covered in cakes. There wasn't a single piece of table visible. 
Steve who had been sat in the corner noticed the cakes as the light hit them, he jumped from his seat and shouted, "Breakfast!" 


Sunday, 8 June 2014

You talking to me?

Rather aptly, I had the song 'Dreamer' by Supertramp in my head this morning. A hit for the group in 1974. Other than a vague recognition of people talking to me, I can't recall anything else. 

The people talking were unknown to me and nothing they were saying made any sense. They were muffled and I don't even know if they were speaking English. 


Saturday, 7 June 2014

My friend has got no nose

A total random mix of events from last night, starting off with a female who appeared to be a friend of mine, but I didn't know her. She wanted me to cut the top of her nose off with a machete, I initially dismissed her request as a joke but she became very insistent. 

After several times of asking her,"Are you really sure about this?", I lent her head back and swiped her nose off in one smooth blow. Oddly it didn't bleed. 

I was next in a hospital and an Asian family were all crying and asking me for some answers as to why someone had died. I had no idea and just wanted to get away from them. I hid in another room pretending to look for something on a shelf as the family continued to cry. 

I was next in dire need to go to the toilet, I was frantically running around a house looking for somewhere to go before it was too late. I found a toilet but it was in the middle of a bedroom. Desperate I dropped my trousers and set about the task in hand. 

It was only then that I realised there was no toilet paper. Looking around me I could only see a white coloured bra and a black one. Desperate times require desperate measures and I utilised the underwear. Just as I was doing this a long line of children walked into the room and all looked at me in a mixture shock and disgust. 

Finally I was walking along a long tunnel from a football stadium, in my mind I was thinking it was maybe Wembley, but I was only guessing this. 
As I walked along I started to pick items up off the floor. First I found a badge with Aston Villa on it, then an England flag and a West Ham sticker. I picked these up and kept walking. 

I turned a corner and found hundreds of flags and scarves, all with Aston Villa on them. I then bumped into Justin from work and asked him if Aston Villa had lost a game and their fans had discarded them in disgust. Justin told me he had no idea and that he was waiting to have a job interview.  


Friday, 6 June 2014

John Goodman & the DHL villains

I had entered a huge warehouse at night, it was dark and cold, so cold I could actually sense it in my sleep. I could see the cold as I breathed out and felt it too as I walked around in the dark. 

I was part of a team that had been sent in to investigate an organised gang of criminals operating within the DHL company. Heading up the team was actor John Goodman and my dog, Humbug. Humbug to be fair, did little other than run around playing, but he was very cute. 

I was then sat in a meeting and everyone was talking about the death of a councillor, it was one of those moments when I realised I was the only one in the room who didn't know about it. In the end I just had to ask, "Who's dead?"

It was then explained to me by John Goodman that the city councillor had been bribed by the DHL gang for inside information but had died whilst having sex with a female solicitor. The councillor had left a will that blew the whistle on the gang in the event of his death. 


Thursday, 5 June 2014

i bacon & bare bums

As I first fell asleep, my wife thought it would be funny to play a recording of machine gun fire from her phone. It startled me and I woke to her giggling. 

When I went into my dreaming, I was at work speaking to a woman who was making a serious complaint. I took her into an office and entered to the sound of bacon frying in a pan. 

I ignored the sound and carried on attending to the woman. The sound grew louder and louder and I realised it was coming from my pocket. 

I took out my i phone and on the screen was rashers of bacon cooking. I hit the volume button and turned it down. The sound dissipated and the bacon stopped cooking. 

I was next in a basement with friend and work colleauge Davey Mac. It was a mixture of an apartment and locker room. 
There were lockers in the middle of the room and against the wall was a fruit machine and an ATM cash machine. 

Davey asked me to help him move a bed out of the room and so we took an end each. As we lifted, Andy a supervisor from work entered the room. 

Andy was sweating and opened a locker and started to get changed. On the count of three we lifted the bed. I pulled back the cover and there was a man laying face down on the bed. 

His bare bum was facing up and I shouted to Davey, "Hang on there's some dude asleep here!"


Wednesday, 4 June 2014

Magic tea

It's odd how sometimes I only have a very brief dream, and other times long complex ones. Last night was a very short one that took place just before I woke at 05.30 this morning. 

I had a line of china tea cups along with a large china tea pot. I appeared to be making tea and began to pour out the first cup. Each cup I poured into, was a different colour and strength of tea. 

All the tea came from the same pot but I was able to adjust the strength of the brew by pushing a button on the inside of the tea pot handle. 



Tuesday, 3 June 2014

Jim Davidson & the giant hamster.

Initially as I drifted off to sleep and my wife was reading, I got jabbed in the ribs by a man I didn't know. I called him an idiot and open my eyes to be asked by my wife who I was referring to. 

Into my dreaming I was in a game show / computer game and I was not only watching myself on the TV but had some controllers that I could move myself with. 

I froze the game and selected the options to change my character. I pushed the button to scroll, changing the face of me on the screen. First option was comedian Jim Davidson, I continued to see the other options and decided on a hamster face. 

I carried on with the game and jogged around running into various objects collecting them as I went around the game. Each time I hit something, it made a ringing sound. I collected a coin and a voice said, 'Power up to super hamster mode'. 

My clothes then ripped like the Incredible Hulk as my body turned into a giant hampster with super strength and speed. I then ran around the game roaring as I gobbled up people and anything else that crossed my path. 


Monday, 2 June 2014

Billy, you hero

I've only had a couple of hours sleep after my last night shiftz and therefore only have the briefest of activity. It comes in the form of a song that was playing in my head as I woke. 

In 1974 an anti war song called 'Billy don't be a hero' was released by pop group Paper Lace in the UK, taking it to number one. 
In the US, the same song was released by Bo Donaldson and the Haywoods, also reaching number one. 

Billy don't be a hero, don't be a fool with your life
Billy don't be a hero, come back and make me your wife
And as Billy started to go, she said keep your pretty head low
Billy don't be a hero, come back to me


Sunday, 1 June 2014


There was nothing more to my dream than thousands of faces. They filled every conceivable space in my vision. 

I couldn't see any heads or other body parts, just the faces of many different people. All shapes and colours were represented. 

I couldn't tell if it was day or night or even where I was. My entire world was full of faces. No one spoke and there was no other noise. 

The faces were expressionless and unemotional. I didn't seem to be able to respond or speak. 

09 10