Sunday, 31 August 2014

Custard creams

A wall of custard cream biscuits in front of me. I could see nothing else, every corner of my vision was filled with the delightful treat. 


Saturday, 30 August 2014

Milk trees

Set in some vast field, that appeared to be inside, I was wandering around small trees that were planted in pots. As I walked around I wondered why the trees weren't planted in the ground. 

I rectified this by digging large holes everywhere in order to plant them. As I dug down I found that the holes were filled with milk. I popped the first tree into the milky hole, I looked around me at the task I had set myself. There were hundreds to plant!

Next I was in a shop and I had an empty cardboard box. I was walking around the store carrying this box in search of where to put it. I wanted to put it in the correct place in order to recycle it. 

I took some stairs onto the first floor and noticed a disabled man in a wheelchair, he was holding a cardboard box on his lap. I found a trolley that was full of cardboard, I broke down my box and placed it neatly on the pile. 

As I walked past the disabled man, he made eye contact with me and his face gave a look as if asking for help. I knew he wanted to recycle his box but I just smiled at him and walked away thinking to myself that he should look for himself. 


Friday, 29 August 2014

Stones of blood

All I have from today's sleep is a vision of stones, mainly gravell size with a few bigger stones mixed in. My entire view was of this and nothing else. 

As I focused on the stones the edges of my vision began to darken. They then moved inwards towards the centre of my view, making the whole scene darker. As I looked more intently, I saw that the dark mass moving into the centre was blood. 

It slowly ran from all corners of my vision into the centre until the entire view was blood red. As the last stone disappeared covered by the thick red blood, I woke up. 


Thursday, 28 August 2014

The Wall

Very briefly I rested my eyes and was confronted with a brick wall. I couldn't see above or around either  side of it, it filled my line of sight. 

Suddenly it started to move towards me, there was nowhere for me to move backwards and I starting to be crushed. I held up my hand and started to push as hard as I could to stop it from crushing me. 

The wall wasn't stopping and my arms were hurting at the force of the bricks pushing me. I then opened my eyes and was awake and out of the dream. My arms stretched out before me and my hands filled with pins and needles. 


Wednesday, 27 August 2014

Wrinkled Irish

I was dreaming I was riding a horse, something I actually do when I'm awake. I was happily hacking around city streets and stopping at traffic lights. I rode over a bridge over a river and out into the countryside. 

This seemed to go on for what seemed like hours. I was very happy and relaxed and in a happy place. I came across an Irish woman, her accent was very strong and as I struggled to hear what she was saying my attention was drawn to her forehead. 

It was extreamly wrinkled but appeared to have an independence of its own and moved as if it was a seperate part of her body. Such was my fascination with her head, that I totally missed what she was saying to me. 


Tuesday, 26 August 2014

Not a thing

Night shiftz again and as a result I have had little sleep and no brain output. 

The dog kicking off at the postman didn't help matters! 


Monday, 25 August 2014

In your face

I was with another person that I didn't know. One of those occasions when I can see them standing next to me but can't see their face. This man seemed to know me well and together we opened a door into a building. 

As we stepped into the room, the floor disappeared beneath our feet and we plummeted down a huge slide. Twisting and turning as the slide descended what felt like hundreds of feet into the ground. We finally hit the floor with a bump inside a small empty room. 

We stood up unharmed, walked over to a door on the far wall and opened it. It led straight outside to a building plot. There was a large drop from the door and we both looked out at the vast empty site. I said, "Looks like this ride needs a bit more work to finish it". 

Next I was talking to someone that I couldn't see, I could hear the voice of a man asking me if I wanted the job on the local radio station or would I like the Radio One DJ job. I opted for the Radio One position then instantly regreted my decision, thinking that I'd hate the publicity. 

I was then trying to cut my own hair with electric clippers. I have fairly short hair and so only needed a trim. Every time I ran the clippers over my head, my hair grew around two feet in length. I kept trying to cut it and ended up with a full head of hair down to my shoulders. 

Lastly I was in a bar for a someone's celebration, not sure if it was birthday or an anniversary. Lots of us had gathered including my good friend Matt. Everyone was given a glass of champagne to make a toast. 

Matt started to moan that he hated champagne and pulled a face like a spoilt child. I just told him to pretend to drink it for the toast so as not to seem rude. The toast was made and Matt lifted his glass and threw the drink directly in my face. Cheers mate! 


Sunday, 24 August 2014

Drink driving & fish

In the street, I was with my friend and colleague Kim, we were standing next to a white van. It was early in the morning and Kim was very drunk. She told me that she had driven to work and really needed to sober up before the bosses found out. 

I opened a door to a house and we entered into a living room where the family of our colleague, Indie were all sat around a table. They greeted us and gave us food. Kim sat on the sofa and promptly fell asleep. 

Lastly I was with my wife and she challenged me to a running race up a very steep hill. I accepted and we started off up the slope. I managed to keep ahead of her but when I glanced down at the pavement, I could see fish on the floor. 

They were wet as if just out of water and looked like cat fish, in that they were flat on their underside with whiskers. I then started running awkwardly to avoid standing on them.  We reached the top of the hill and I was still just ahead of my wife when I saw a very large set of moving stairs. 

I stood and looked at the escalator, searching for more fish when my wife ran past me laughing that she had beaten me to the top. 


Saturday, 23 August 2014

Kung Fu extravaganza

I was in a big house, my two children had returned home from school, (I don't really have any). As soon as they arrived I instructed them to quickly go into their rooms, collect anything that they valued and then come back to me. 

They promptly did this and returned clutching a handful of toys and books. I opened up a secret door in the floor which led to a vast underground warehouse. Sections of the warehouse were made into different areas. One was a complete sweet shop, with shelves full of jars of candy. 

There were shops, restaurants and rooms, everything we could possibly need. I told the children that there was no going back to our old lives and we were here for good. They stood and stared in wonder at the vastness of the place. 

I then clicked my fingers and the song, Kung Fu fighting started playing. Suddenly hundreds of people appeared and began to dance in time to the music like a flash mob. I sang out loud the words as I swayed from left to right clicking my fingers in time with the music and busting out martial arts moves. 

It was like a massive musical production on stage, hundreds of people singing and dancing in time. It seemed like a camera filming the whole scene, panned out and up towards the ceiling. Looking down at the extravaganza, the mass of dancing people was amazing. I woke singing Fung Fu fighting this morning. 



Friday, 22 August 2014

Knitted fence

The initial part of my dream involved me being on an underground train. I was somewhat confused and was wandering around the train carrage. 

I kept reaching seats and doors, would stop and just stare at them with a very perplexed look on my face. That went on for some time. 

I was next on a garden, an unknown garden that I didn't recognise. 
I saw my neighbour John who was standing the other side to a low dividing fence. 

I walked over to him and started chatting. As we talked, John started to make a trellis on top of the fence. He did this using knitting needles. 

The trellis was made from wicker and was very impressive. It took him minutes to construct and was intricate in detail. I was very impressed and as John tied off the final part of the trellis, I stood back and commented on it's splendour. 


Thursday, 21 August 2014


Just a brief visual part to last night and another classic song from the music vault in my head. 
I'd gone out to drive my car and found that my number plates had been stolen. On closer inspection they were actually still on the car but were blank. 

When Jesamine goes a part of me knows
I'm not really living
A butterfly child so free and so wild
And so full of living

The 1968 song from the Casuals, Jesamine. 


Wednesday, 20 August 2014

Beer, owls & Ferraris

I started off by being in a pub with my neighbour Bill and another man I didn't know. Sat at a table, we were all drinking pints of beer. I'd nipped to the toilet and upon my return, my beer was missing. I asked them where it was and they just laughed like schoolboys. 

I just stood up and said, "Right, I haven't got time for this", and motioned to leave. Bill told me to wait and produced my beer from under the table. He then went to the bar to order more drinks. As it was actually my round, I followed behind him. 

At the bar, Bill had ordered three pints, a bottle of wine and shots. I then realised that I didn't actually drink alcohol. I turned and walked out. 

Next I was in a barn and found a baby owl, I was amazed it let me so close to it and I was able to stroke it. It was at this point that I noticed an adult owl dead on the floor and realised the baby was all alone. I immediately decided I'd adopt him and started feeding him sliced pear. He loved it. 

Lastly with my wife, we walked to go and pick her car up from the garage. On the way we past piles of old furniture in the street, homeless people slept on it, covered with blankets. At the garage my wife's car was a blue Ferrari. I jumped in and drove off, reaching 100 mph. 

I heard someone saying that I would be banned from driving for reaching such speeds. I replied, "I know, and I really don't care". I then found myself in a sweet shop and bought the last packet of chocolate covered raisins. My favourite. 

Lastly I was in a children's home. It was an evil place full of sickness and abuse. It had been made to look like a space ship to appeal to the children, but it just felt dark and horrible. I walked into a long corridor with the feeling that I was trapped and could never leave. 

As I entered the corridor, the building started to speak in a dramatic echoing voice. "You can never leave me, you are mine". I ran back towards were I had entered but the door had vanished and I was in a never ending corridor. 


Tuesday, 19 August 2014

Hopelessly devoted to androids

The setting was the place of my birth, my Nan's old house in Harold Wood in Essex. It was night time and the house was in darkness. Along with my wife, we were in the dining room and had a group of lifelike androids. I have no idea what the collective name for a group of androids is, or if one even exists?

One of the androids was Princess of Pop, Kylie Mingogue, one by one we sent them into the adjoining living room and they stood in line and began to softly sing the Olivia Newton John song, 'Hopelessly devoted to you.' A hit back in 1978 from the movie Greese. 

My wife then told one of the androids to turn around and fade the others. They obeyed her command but when they did so, started shouting out loud. This caused the others to stop singing and to start screaming. I turned to my wife and said, "Why did you do that?"

It also transpires that at that precise moment I also spoke the words in my sleep, waking my wife. Instead of enquiring as to what I was on about, I was delivered a swift jab to the ribs, which in turn woke me. 


Monday, 18 August 2014

Badger attack

Walking along a country track, which I have to say did resemble part of the map from Ghosts, prison break. I saw a small grey rabbit ahead of me bouncing around happily. From out of a bush between myself and the rabbit, appeared a badger. 

The badger upon seeing me decided to turn and run. It headed towards the rabbit but then got spooked by it. In a panic, the black and white mammal turned and headed straight for me. I remained still to avoid causing it any further distress but it deliberately headed for me and jumped on my head. 

It then set about giving me a bit of a kicking, I frantically waved my arms and kicked out my legs to get it off of me but it continued to attack me. I woke before I managed to stop the badger onslaught and when I went back to sleep again I was attempting to fill a metal container full of water. 


Sunday, 17 August 2014

Vegetable street

I was initially in a street that was made of vegetables. The pavement and road consisted of very neat squares of vegetable plots, carrots, potatoes and other various food, covered the street. 

I was next in a hospital corridor where work colleague George was riding a bicycle up and down, he had no care for anyone and was knocking staff and patients over as he frantically peddled repeatedly up and down. 

I was waiting for my appointment with a female that I didn't recognise, she was speaking softly to me, reassuring me that everything would be ok. I didn't even know why I was there. I was then told by a nurse that I didn't actually have an appointment book. When I looked at the nurse, she was the same woman that was just speaking to me. She had vanished. 

I walked out of the hospital leaving George still knocking people over on his bike and entered the car park. As I wandered away my good friend Matt appeared from nowhere and said to me, "Get back in there, your appointment has been confirmed".  


Saturday, 16 August 2014

Local shop

Very brief as I was rudely awoken again today, but had recalled the dream from earlier in the night. 
I was outside our local village shop and I could see that the lady who owns it was up stairs and the shop was empty of customers. 

I knew that she had CCTV and that if anyone entered the shop it would trigger the cameras and alert her to a customer. I decided to play a little game for my own amusement. 

I ran into the shop setting off a ringer, as soon as I heard that, I ran back out again. The shopkeeper appeared into an empty shop and then went back upstairs. After doing this several times, she was rather annoyed. 

The final time I attempted it, she was ready and jumped out from under the counter. I laughed briefly until I saw her angry face and decided it was best to leave. As I looked around the shop, I noticed that all the shelves were completely empty. 


Friday, 15 August 2014


Nothing today. I was sound asleep and the combination of a delivery driver and my dog kicking off at said delivery driver, woke me with such a start that anything I did have in my head vanished. 


Thursday, 14 August 2014

Donkey subtitles

I was watching two very tiny baby donkeys running around in a field, they were making sounds that donkeys make, I'm unsure of the term for it. As they happily ran around I could see subtitles at the bottom of the field explaining what they were saying. Unfortunately it was in Spanish. Must have been Spanish donkeys. 

Next I was playing snooker. The table was the size of a football pitch and the balls were people. It was raining hard and the table was soaked. A young girl asked me to play against her team but I refused as it was so wet. I explained that I was the manager and I didn't play and certainly not in the wet. 

Lastly I was in my mums back garden with my dog Humbug. From next doors garden I heard Trevor who is a friend of my wife and myself. He was calling Humbug. I told Trevor to be careful because Humbug looked very wary of him. 

Trevor ignored my advice and put his head within inches of Humbug and tried to stroke him. As his ears dropped back and his expression changed, I waited for the inevitable to happen. I woke up before it did, I'm sure it wouldn't have ended well for Trevor. 


Wednesday, 13 August 2014

Thank you V shave

To begin with I was in bed with my wife when I saw our neighbour Simon walk past the window and look in. Odd because our bedroom is on the first floor. 
I could then here him pushing the doorbell but I'd disconnected it and so just waited for him to leave. 

I was next knocking on a house and work supervisor Alex opened the door in a pink dressing gown. We chatted for a while and then Leigh came out of her house. I looked confused because these are two people that don't know each other outside of work. I was even more confused when Gareth pulled up in a white Triumph Stag car that had police written on it. 

Next I was in a hotel room and my younger sister was there too. She was attempting to unfold a sofa bed but couldn't work it out. I showed her how to do it. I then poured water on top of the wardrobe and it filled it like a sink. 

Next I was watching a man dressed in green shorts and a matching T shirt. He was jumping around on a field, dancing and singing. He started to sound like a TV advert, he said 'Before the V shave I couldn't do this because of the amount unsightly hair on my private parts. But thanks to the V shave I'm now free to dance and sing'. 

Lastly I was riding my push bike late at night. A tyre suddenly burst and water came out of it. Then more water started to pump out of the frame under the handlebars. The entire bike was made of water and ended up as a puddle. 

At this point Twelly from work arrived and offered me a lift in his car. I thanked him, jumped in the drivers seat and sped off leaving a very bemused Twelly at the side of the road.  


Tuesday, 12 August 2014

I just don't know

I just don't know what to do with myself
I don't know what to do with myself
planning everything for two
doing everything with you
and now that we're through
I just don't know what to do

These are the words playing in my head this morning, from the 1964 version of 'I just don't know what to do with myself' by Dusty Springfield. 
Despite having seen Phantom of the opera in the West End the previous night, I slept in a coma and just woke with Dusty. Not literally. 


Monday, 11 August 2014

Soap opera living

As I fell asleep I was aware of my little toenail catching on the bed clothes and thinking that I must clip it. 
My dream began with me visiting my work colleague Ghost in his home. I found him in his bed and he invited me to stay. I slipped in bed next to him and he started to update me on everything that had been going on. 

To the tune of Eastenders, he ran through what had been happening, it was pure gossip and scandal. He finished by saying, "And there's the news about Caroline". As he said this work colleague Caroline entered the room. She was topless but discreetly covered her modesty with her arm across her chest. 

Caroline slipped in the bed next to Ghost and settled for sleep. I looked down at my little toe as I could feel something on it. It was covered with a plaster. (Band aid). As I decided to go to sleep the door opened again. This time an old boss from work called Mike came in. 

Mike had three old people with him. They sat down around the TV and put on Eastenders. It was dark outside the window, suddenly the street lit up with flood lights. I looked out of the window and saw the army were setting up. They had tanks, armoured vehicles and hundreds of soliders with guns trained on the house. 


Sunday, 10 August 2014

Nazi shoot & Mylie Cyrus.

I was in my own back garden which was full of German Nazi officers all dressed in their black uniforms. I was holding a shotgun and every now and again a Nazi solider was catapulted into the air from a clay pigeon machine. 
As they flapped and waved their limbs about whist raising into sky, I shot them down. I didn't miss once. 

Next I was entering a Wilkinson department store that had two floors. I was absolutely dead tired and my body felt heavy. I struggled to heave my body around the store, climbing the stairs to the first floor. 

Once on the top floor I appeared to be in the garden centre part of the store. I draped my aching body through the plants and noticed someone hiding behind a very large plant pot. 
When I looked it was Mylie Cyrus. She was naked and just stared at me as I walked past her. 


Saturday, 9 August 2014

Goodbye blackberry way

As the 1968 song by The Move 'Blackberry way' echos in my head, I struggled to find anything else left over from my day time sleep. The first night shiftz is always followed by a coma sleep. 

The groups front man, Roy wood, later formed ELO with Jeff Lynn and also admitted  the song with influenced by The Beatles 'Penny Lane'. 

Goodbye blackberry way 
I can't see you, I don't need you 
Goodbye blackberry way 
Sure to want me back another day 


Friday, 8 August 2014

Party time

I was at my mums house and she was having a party. Everyone was dressed very smart, my aunt and uncle, Joan and Ron sat in the summer sunshine. Ron in a tailored suit and Joan in her best dress. 

I arrived in the garden slightly casual looking in my appearance, I was concerned I was underdressed for the occasion but thought to myself that mum wouldn't mind in the slightest. 
In the garden was a rabbit run that contained two swans, they were looking after their young and hissed at me if I got too close. 

At the end of the garden on a raised decking area was a summer house. I lit a BBQ on the decking whilst my wife sat in the summer house. There was a wall that I looked over into a neighbours garden. 
They had a small pond, floating on the water was half of a house brick. Taped to the brick was a key, I wondered if it was for their house and briefly contemplated burgling them. 

Lastly along with my wife I was on a train, we were the only ones on it which was good because I was stood in a corner urinating into a jar. I woke up needing the toilet. 


Thursday, 7 August 2014


I'm very sure that as a direct result of something I was watching last night, that it has influenced my dream. The dream itself was just one scene but lasted for ages. 

I won't spoil it for those of you yet to see season 5 of Breaking Bad, but there is a body buried in some sand. My dream consisted of me digging a large whole in the ground in perpetration to bury a body. 

I don't know who's body it was or if they were dead yet but I was going to bury someone. It seemed as if my whole nights dreaming involved this task. 


Wednesday, 6 August 2014

Crisps & Pythons

I was drifting into my sleep when I heard my wife say, "Crisps!"  I then shouted out the same and asked her why she said that. 
The truth being that I just randomly shouted out crisps, my wife has informed me. 

I was next entering a school, all the children were very push but also all very drunk. They were staggering and laughing whilst swigging out of vodka bottles. I walked past all of them unnoticed and reached a wall of bright red ceramic tiles. 

I punched some of the tiles and they fell off the wall, behind the missing tiles was a door. I knocked off the remaining tiles and pushed open the door, I found myself outside in a field. I ran and approached a house, I entered the house and found I was in a huge hall where a party was going on. 

There were rows of long tables with people sat eating food. I realised I was in another school and everyone present were teachers. I noticed my wife on a nearby table and a man was standing behind her getting a little too friendly for my liking. 

My wife seemed preoccupied with something else and when I looked on the table there was a giant python snake. It was the biggest I'd ever seen and filled the table. My wife was watching it so intently that she failed to notice that she was being groped. 

Lastly an annoying boy in an England football shirt was running around causing havoc. All the teachers ignored him as he was a problem child and had given up on trying to help him. 
I sat the boy down and started talking to him about his behaviour. Within minutes I had him regretting his actions and crying like a baby. I was happy with my work. 



Tuesday, 5 August 2014

Killer sparrows & Mummies

I was actually woken up by the first part of my dream last night thinking it had happened. I was just in the street walking along when I was aware of a swooping sound around my head. Looking up I saw a house sparrow dive bombing my head. 

With each decent, the little bird got closer to me. He was clearly upset about something. I casually waved an arm a couple of times to scare it off but the feathered fella was persistent. Finally it swooped and landed on my shoulder and pecked my neck. I shot up awake in bed at the pain. 

Back to sleep again and I was in a very dark old castle basement. I was digging and hoping to find buried treasure. To my delight I discovered a tomb that contained a mummified body. Thinking I'd hit the jackpot I called in expert in all things to do with Egypt, Zahi Hawass. 

To my absolute dismay, he examined the tomb and produced a small label stuck on the side of the mummies head. He held it up, it was a bar code. He pronounced, "It's a fake!"


Monday, 4 August 2014

Tree hugging

Set to the 1973 song, 'Sorrow' by David Bowie, I was in a woods. Approaching very large trees, I was putting my arms around them and then pulling them out of the ground. 

There was no effort involved, they seemed to easily give up their hold in the ground and I continued to uproot serveral trees. I don't know if I had super human strength or they were just really easy to pull up. 

I also had a mini subconscious argument with myself before waking up. I could hear the David Bowie song playing whilst I was asleep and told myself to wake up and make a note of it. 

I replied to myself by saying that I'd remember it and therefore didn't need to exit my dream. I argued this to myself for a while and eventually woke without having made a note of it. 


Sunday, 3 August 2014

Bedroom blitz

A very brief dream last night. I was in my childhood bedroom which is still the home of my mum. Having OCD always ensured my room was in immaculate order and very clean, much to the delight of my mum. 

My dream however had my room in total disarray, it was piled high with rubbish, toys and clothes. There was a small circle in the middle of the room where I sat surrounded by mess and disorder. 

I was clearly upset at this and sat surveying the room. After managing to control my anxiety at the chaos, I manged to formulate a plan of action for correcting the mess. 

I had worked out precisely were everything was going and was just about to commence when I heard a really loud rouring sound. I was shot out of my dream to a motorbike shattering the early morning silence.  


Saturday, 2 August 2014

Don't Judge me

Before going to sleep I was reading and my wife was playing snooker on her i pad. As my eyes grew heavy and the light grew dim, I stopped and fell asleep. 

I was in a garden playing on a child's snooker table, the table was flat on the grass and had no legs. Sat close by reading a book was my dad. He glanced up at me every now and again and smiled. 

It started to rain and I hastily attempted to put the snooker table away into a large cardboard box but kept dropping the balls in my haste to get out of the wet. My dad calmly continued to read unaffected by the rain. 

Lastly I was in a court room in the dock and I said to someone sat to my left, "If that judge, says 'What's your problem,' I swear I'll hit him". I was aware of a person next to, I couldn't turn my head to see who it was. 

The judge looked directly at me and said, "Now then, what's your problem?"   
I screamed and threw a huge white pillow at him, which hit him squarely in the face. I was then suddenly sat on my sofa in the living room with my wife. Upon seeing myself on TV hitting a high court judge with a pillow, I fell into fits of uncontrollable laughter. 

My wife joined in too and at times we couldn't breathe due to losing control and physically crying with laughter.  


Friday, 1 August 2014


I have been struggling to recall any visual part to last nights dream. I can't remember anything other than me talking to someone. I can't even say what in was I was chattering about.  
All I can actually recall was me talking about everything and everyone to an unknown person. Maybe I was talking to myself, as I don't have any visual backup. 

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