Tuesday, 30 September 2014

Knights in white satin

Back on working nights which means very little sleep and hardly any dreaming. 
I did however wake with the awesome 'Knights in white satin' in my head. A classic song from The Moody blues back in 1967. 

Gazing at people, some hand in hand
Just what I'm going through, they can't understand
Some try to tell me, thoughts they cannot defend
Just what you want to be you will be in the end


Monday, 29 September 2014

Cross dressing killer

Back to normal last night. When I say normal, I was in my mum's bedroom trying on bras. There was a  huge pile off them on the floor and I was trying each one on in turn. I opened the wardrobe and saw a man's long overcoat and thought that would look nice over the bra I had on. 

I slipped the coat on and was then aware of a man standing next to me, he told me to take the coat off as he wanted it. He produced a knife and showed it to me in a threatening manner. I moved close up to the man and stabbed him in the top of his leg and held the blade in place. 

We suddenly transported from my mum's room into the street with lots of people around us. I very calmly said to the man, "The knife is in your femoral artery, you are a dying". I then picked up my phone called the police and as I watched the life bleed out of the man, told them I'd seen a man collapse in the street. 

As the man's lifeless corpse hit the floor I calmly walked away, turning a corner I picked up a motorcycle helmet and jumped on a bike, roaring away. 
I was then in a basement that was a public house, the bartender opened a door under the bar and lifted out a pair of rubber gloves and handed them to me. 


Sunday, 28 September 2014


Utterly unpredicted in my world I had a very sleepless night. There are various events happening in my life at the moment and a lot of them took place in one day. Nothing horrible, in fact all exciting. Hence I was like a child on Christmas Eve night. 

As long as I calm down tonight, normal service will be resumed. 



Saturday, 27 September 2014

Bicycle bash

I was on a bicycle, sat on the handlebars was my mum, dad and dog Humbug. As I approached a building site my dad called out to stop. He jumped off and said he was off to work and then vanished before my eyes. 

Upset by this I continued to cycle but kept looking back in an attempt to see my dad. Clearly not paying attention to the road, I ran into a small black boy. 

In a mangle of bodies and bike, I stood up unharmed. I looked back at my mum and she couldn't get up as she was injured. I scooped up my dog and he was also hurt. 

I walked around helplessly not knowing what to do and started to cry. The boy got up and walked away without speaking. 


Friday, 26 September 2014

Chicken soup

A little confusing last night as I jumped around from one image to another. The first scene started off at work but switched to a school classroom. 

I walked into what looked like the head masters office to see my work supervisor, Adam with his feet up on the desk. 
On the end of the desk was a tin of Campbell's chicken soup. 

I headed towards the soup stretching out my hand to grab it. Just as I was within touching distance, Adam deliberately kicked it off the table and laughed. 

I then was back at work and holding a packet of Rowntree's Fruit Pastilles. I was eagerly awaiting the arrival of my work colleague, Scott. 

As I saw him walk in I rushed up to him like an excited child and handed him the sweets. He was very happy at this. 


Thursday, 25 September 2014

The wonder stuff

I had invented a magical potion, a miracle elixir. It took on two forms, it could be sprayed as a gas or injected, both having different results. I was within an armoured tank sat in a large room in the dark. Just my eyes were visable at the top, as I carefully checked my view. 

A voice shouted out for me to hand over my potion. I fired serveral shots from the tanks gun which hit people with a gas containing the potion. They immediately dropped to the floor. Once I was sure no one was awake I got out of the tank. 

I then set about walking amoungst people who I would randomly stick a dart into, the potion would rush through their bloodstream and instantly change them. Once inside them it would make them happy, carefree and give them hope and determination to change their lives for a brighter future. 

Anyone doubting my potion would get it in the gas form which dropped them to the floor instantly, I don't think it killed them, but nobody got up from it again. I spent my entire dream dispensing my magic potion in these two ways. 


Wednesday, 24 September 2014

The building site challenge

My initial dream involved work colleague, well not her exactly, I was looking at a calendar and she was the photo above each month. They were all tastefully taken shoots of her in various poses but she was naked in them all. 

Nothing was revealed and they were carefully positioned to be classy and not tacky. When I had finished looking at the calendar my wife told me about her dream. I realised that I was still dreaming, but talking about a dream that she had had. 

Next I was on a building site, I was at first in a classroom which had kiwi and lemon plants growing out of the floor. A man was standing up front and showing various obscure stuffed animals. 

I managed to guess them every time and was presented a sack which contained my prize. I was just about to look in the sack when I was suddenly running about on the building site and I was lost. 


Tuesday, 23 September 2014

Onion horse

I began last night by grooming a horse, not sure who's horse it was but it wasn't mine. I had a large plastic container which was full of chopped onions in water. After a short time in the water, they had become soft. I then proceeded to use them to plait the horses mane. I mixed it up a bit too by breaking up a red pepper into the onions to give it a dash of colour. 

I was next walking towards a house carrying a cricket bat. I heard a helicopter overhead and looked up to see it directly above a lamppost. It had a camera pointing it. On the floor around the lamppost were dozens of dead rats. 

I continued to the house and booted open the front door, I ran at a table and smashed the cricket bat onto the wooden surface, breaking the table in half. I then ran upstairs, kicked open another door and ran in. Sat on a bed was actor Aaron Paul. 

Aaron looked up at me, he could see the cricket bat I was holding and didn't seem at all worried. I raised it above my head and bought it down with a loud crack on his head. He didn't flinch and looked slightly smug. 

As I turned to leave the room, I dropped the cricket bat on the floor and thought about poisoning him instead. As I tried to work out how to do this I awoke from my slumber. 


Monday, 22 September 2014

Poker face

There were various events going on around me, lots of people, cars, planes and general noise. All of which I didn't even seem to acknowledge, I had an expressionless look on my face and I was starring straight ahead. 

No matter what went on around me, my stance and expression remained unmoved. That is all I can remember of my dream, 


Sunday, 21 September 2014

Rope chair

In stark contrast to last night, I began by dreaming that I was at a BBQ. It was summer and I was wandering in and out of the house and garden and trying to find someone I knew. As I approached people it became very apparent that everyone was Polish. 

I not only didn't know a single person there but couldn't understand anyone either. Eventually I decided that I'd leave and walked out of the garden into the playground of my old senior school. As I looked around at it, my friend Geoff walked up to me. He didn't speak but just smiled and walked on. 

Next I was with my wife in my Nan's old house. We were both on the ceiling looking down at the floor. We appeared to be just floating. My wife then started to tie some rope up onto hooks that were in the ceiling. 

Whén she had finished, there was an elaborate hanging chair. It was made from timber and the rope was through it connecting the pieces. It had about four or five seats in it and resembled a tree house. We both sat on a seat and gently swung back and forth.  

Next I was on a beech below a huge cliff, looking up at it. As I admired its slender I noticed two boys on bikes. They were part way up the cliff on a ledge and were spray painting graffiti onto the cliff. 
Enraged by this I ran up and grabbed hold of them. 

As I did this I suddenly changed locations and found that we were in a hospital corridor. A door opened and a doctor in a white coat approached us. I explained to him what the boys had been doing and the doctor started crying. 

He told me not to be harsh on them as they were both dying and that I should let them go. I told the boys to go, feeling bad about having grabbed them. As they got out of reach they both turned around and gave me the 'V' sign!

Finally I was in bed and I opened my eyes and saw my work colleague Richy in the room. He was getting dressed. He told me to get back to sleep, as I drifted off I noticed that he had dressed himself in a schoolboys uniform. He had shorts on and a cap like an old sytle kid from the 1950's. 
He flicked the light off and the room plunged into darkness. 


Saturday, 20 September 2014


One of those very rare occasions were I have woken up with no recollection of any dreaming at all. A total blank. It does happen. 

Quite refreshing actually. I'm sure it won't last. 


Friday, 19 September 2014


Had a back strain recently and when I crawled into bed in the early hours of this morning, my back was feeling the strain. 

My dream consisted of me being in a doctors surgery and a doctor and nurse instructed me to lay on my front. They lifted up my top and started to clean my back with a disinfectant wipe. 

They then chatted casually to me as they made a massive long cut with a knife and proceeded to remove parts of my back. 

I'm guessing the discomfort from my back pain was manifesting into my dream, with the somewhat amateur operation being performed upon me. 


Thursday, 18 September 2014

Awkward moment

QAs much as I am fond of my friend and work colleague Davey Mac, it would still freak me out somewhat if I was to wake up in bed next to him. 
This is precisely what happened in the first part of my dream last night. I opened my eyes and rolled over to my right expecting to see my wife and was confronted by Davy doing the same going in my direction. 

There was a horrified look on both our faces as our eyes met and then a very awkward moment of silence as our brains attempted to make sense of the situation. Davey broke the silence after a while by just saying, "Dude?"

I got up and went to the toilet, I wasn't at home and found the lavortory to be a public convenience with three cubicles. I entered the middle one and when I lent against the partition, it collapsed and fell on top of the person sat on the toilet in the adjoining cubicle. 

Next I was in outer space, sent there by Nassa to prevent a rouge satellite from colliding with the Earth. When I say outer space, it looked like I was in a large darkened room painted black to resemble space. 
There was no weightlessness and I could breathe without a spacesuit on. 

The satellite had been made by my wife, which I was very impressed at. Unfortunately it had gone wrong and was on a collision course with our plant. I simply walked over to the satellite, which was about a foot away from a large globe of the Earth, pushed it and it moved away. 

This was sufficient effort to avoid the destruction of our plant and become a hero. I was informed to return the satellite to Earth but I couldn't be bothered to do this so I covered it up using my wife's new red coloured horse saddle cover. 



Wednesday, 17 September 2014

Frank Bruno's double trouble

Former heavyweight boxer and all round legend, Frank Bruno appeared in my dream last night. He was caught out in a heavy downpour of rain and was totally soaked. He descended the stairs on a city centre tower block and got to the roof. 

He headed towards a door that contained the air conditioning plant room, stood outside it were two teenage girls who were indendical twins. They too were wet through. Frank invited them into the plant room were it was very warm due to all the machinery inside it. 

Frank had an array of clothing hung across the room on string drying out, he began to slip out of his wet clothes, the girls did the same down to their underwear. Frank said that they both needed to take all their wet clothes off and gave one of his characteristic laughs. 

One girl said, "No way", and left the room, the other twin stripped naked, Frank put on some dry clothes and then informed the naked girl that there wasn't any clothes for her, again laughing. 

I was next with my wife in a large factory, I was pushing a trolley jack. The jack had a bent fork and wasn't able to be raised correctly. I asked the staff for a replacement fork but no one was wiling to help me. 

We were then suddenly inside the London Dungeons attraction. We had reached the end and were back at the start, somehow we were soaking wet. As we walked past the people queuing to get in, I shouted, " Be careful in there!"



Tuesday, 16 September 2014

Pathe news

I started off by being at my Nan's old house, a place were I spent many happy years. I was very happy and content in the dream, sat around me were a group of old ladies, none of which I knew. 
One elderly woman was chatting about how lovely it was to live in the countryside and that it was a great way of life. 

I noticed my grandfathers old leather armchair, it was empty and I looked at it with fond memories of the great man. I then took our mini cordless vacuum cleaner and hoovered out all the crumbs from it. 

I next saw my older sister come into the room, she was holding a hair dryer. She placed it down on a table and said, "When I used this, the neighbours security light came on!" I advised her not to use it and laughed to myself that I had wired it to do that. 

Lastly I was in the street and watching as a house was having all of its iron fencing and gates taken down. A voice over man was explaining what was going on. He was the voice of the Pathe news reader from the old films that were shown in cinemas. 

He explained that in order to help the war effort, the iron was being used to build tanks. I was very confused as it modern day and the person who's house it was, was going to be very annoyed. I watched for ages as the fencing was ripped up and put onto a lorry. 

I then found myself in a very small kitchen that had beer pumps instead of taps on the sink, a teenage boy was dancing naked around the room in front of me. It was rather unpleasant as I couldn't get past him to leave. 


Monday, 15 September 2014

Diving school

I began by being sent back to school, I was five years old again and was going to have to begin my schooling all over again. But despite being a five year old, my mind was that of an adult. I thought to myself that I was really going to be a bright kid. 

I entered a huge hall and found it to be a swimming pool with Olympic size diving boards. Everything slowed down into slow motion and I took a run up to dive into the water, just as I reached the waters edge, I turned back into my full adult size. 

I jumped stretching out my arms before me only to discover that I didn't have any. Still in slow motion I hung in the air over the pool waiting to hit the water with a thud. Instead of actually making contact with the water, I just hung in mid air with no arms. 

I then watched as my arms began to grow out from my shoulders until they were fully extended and the correct length, on my hands were a pair of black leather gloves, identical to the ones I had on in the previous nights dream. 

As I pondered the black gloves, just hanging there above the pool, I suddendly dropped and splashed into the water. I was then looking out into my garden which was flooded and at least three feet deep. My dog came running towards me as if stepping on the water and entered the house. 

From my open bedroom window I woke to the sound of rain outside. 


Sunday, 14 September 2014

Rescue mission

Last night I had plotted to rescue four children from their abusive parents. They had confided in me that their mother and father had been mentally and sexually abusing them for years. I hatched an elaborate plan to remove them from this situation. 

Along with the help of my wife, I'd hidden myself on a shop roof top with a set of binoculars and waited for the school bus to arrive. I shouted down to my wife that all four children had got off the bus and were walking the short distance to their house. 

In a detailed manovoure, we swooped on the children and bundled them into a car and head off into the night. When I drove past the parents house I switched the headlights off the car and sat watching the window of the living room. 

I could see the parents worried, looking out for their children. When they left the window I drove off into to the night. The journey took hours and all the children fell asleep. On the car radio was the 1972 song, 'It never rains in Southern California' by Albert Hammond'. 
I'm still singing this song now. 


Saturday, 13 September 2014

The age of steam

Following on from the previous nights Victorian dream, last night I was watching a steam powered ship sailing. It was in a narrow canal, in fact the ship was far too big and wasn't able to turn around or fit through a lock. 

As the vessel approached the gates to a lock, I stood watching and wondering how it would get by it. This was simple, a giant pair of scissors emerged from the front of the ship and cut the lock in half as if it was paper. 

Lastly I was in a very warm country and had bought a plot of land. I was standing surveying my land when I saw in the distance it had a swimming pool. I excitedly ran towards it and as I reached the waters edge, I saw my wife and her friend Lorraine about to swim. 

They both looked at me and laughed, I couldn't work out why until I noticed that I was wearing swimming shorts and black leather gloves. 



Friday, 12 September 2014

Victorian wonder

Hard to explain what I saw in my sleep last night, but here goes. 
I was at the foot of a huge modern skyscraper and was in need of getting to its summit. I don't know why but I just needed to be on top of the massive structure. 

On the side of the building was some kind of cradle which was connected to a system of cogs and a long metal pole which climbed the outside of the structure. Inside the cradle was a woman dressed in a Victorian style long dress. 

Under the cradle was two peddles simular to that on a bicycle, I turned them with my hands and a tune began like that on a music box. The cradle then began to wind upwards on the pole towards the sky. The Victorian woman waved her hand in royal spender as if addressing her subjects to cheers and gasps. 

I then realised that by standing at the bottom turning the peddles, I was denying myself getting to the top. I stopped turning them and everything abruptly ended. Including my dream. I woke somewhat disappointed.   


Thursday, 11 September 2014

Web execution

I was hosting some kind of web conference with a live feed from the room I was in. With me in the room were three men who I had previously tied to chairs. I couldn't see who was on the other end of the chat but knew someone was seeing me. 

One by one I pointed a pistol at the head of the three men and pulled the trigger, executing them. As I shot dead the last one I said, "This is what I do to terrorists". I then calmly switched off the camera and walked out of the room. 

I was next in a very dirty alleyway off of a city street. It was a dead end and piled up at the bottom of it were old cars, fridges and other rubbish. Happily playing amoungst the rubbish were two small boys, sitting close by to them was my wife who had one of her shoes stuck under a car tyre. 

I approached them but no one could see me and I observed without being noticed. Underneath one of the old cars a hundred tiny eyes watched, on closer inspection I could see they were mice. On top of the same car was a metal tray that contained massive flies sitting on eggs. 

I then looked along the alley towards the street and saw an old man and woman with a brown golden retriever. They had come into the alley and the old man started to thrash the dog with his walking stick, he then handed it to the woman who did the same. 

I ran towards them totally enraged just as they started to leave. The old man was just about to hit the poor dog again and I grabbed his walking stick before he could bring it down. I put my face against his and shouted, "I'm going to do the same to you, you old bastard!"

I grabbed the stick from his hand and he cowered before me, I raised the stick high above my head ready to beat the man for what he had done. I woke up before I struck him! 



Wednesday, 10 September 2014

Steven the frozen Lobster

I was on a beach which was deserted apart from two people I could see prodding at something on the sand. It was alive and crawling and I went over to investigate. When I got there the two people walked away and laying on the sand was a lobster. 

The lobster despite the warm sunny day, was frozen, covered in ice and shivering. I picked it up and it shuddered with cold and said, "Stevvvvven". "Oh you're called Steven are you, let's get you warmed up". I said. I then was in a room, I wrapped Steven in a brown blanket and placed him into a draw of a filing cabinet to defrost. 

Next I was the very large home of one of my neighbours. I was all alone and very lost in the vast complex of rooms, all of which seemed to link together. There were steps up into other rooms and the house just went on forever. 

I opened one door into a cellar and two miniature Bengal Tigers ran out, they were the size of hamsters. I tried to follow but lost sight of them as I entered an outside courtyard. In the yard was Countryfile's farmer and presenter, Adam Henson. Adam came over to me and hugged me as if he knew me. 

Finally I was going to work on a building site as a labourer. I arrived at the site to find it empty with just one person sat on a forklift truck. I saw that it was my work supervisor Adam, very oddly Adam had his hair back combed up towards the top of his head. He then had barbed wire around this with the top of his hair in a loose perm  

I said to Adam that it was only me here to work and he sat with his head in his hands sighing. I couldn't help but just stare at his hair, it looked as if he had a laurel around it but made of babed wire. 


Tuesday, 9 September 2014

Killing spree

I had been on a killing spree leaving dozens of people dead in my wake. It wasn't clear what my method of slaying my unfortunate victims was, but I could just see lifeless bodies before me. I also seemed fairly content with my work. 

I was then confronted by Nick, one of my bosses from work. He very seriously told me that he was aware of what I had done. I was expecting to be in trouble and was surprised when Nick told me to go home and remove anything from my house that would incriminate me. 

He told me of all the items which the police would be taking and advised me to dispose of them. Not believing my luck I hastily headed for home. As I ran I could the song, 'Just the way you are' a hit for Billy Joel in 1977. 


Monday, 8 September 2014


Today  my wife has her MOT on her car and I was planning on going with her. Last night I dreampt that's what we were doing. I was in a corner shop watching children stealing sweets when work colleague Normski came in. 

He told me my wife was outside waiting for me to follow her in my car to the MOT testing station. I looked outside and saw her little purple car driving off. I jumped into my car and followed her. I lost sight of her briefly and thought that maybe she had gone home. 

I drove towards our house and saw a small purple coloured car outside of it. I got out and walked towards the house only to see that the car was a different make and not my wife's. I then started to panic that she was waiting for me and I was late. 

I then suddenly switched from being outside my house to the inside of my mums house. I had entered via the front door and saw Stu from work standing on the bottom stair. I told him I had to get out of this dream and back to going to see my wife at the MOT testing station. 

Stu looked at my blankly and I told him that in order to get me out of the dream, he needed to punch me in the face. Stu seemed reluctant but I kept on insisting he hit me. In the end Stu clenched his fist and punched me full in the face knocking me out. 

Unfortunately instead of sending me back to see my wife, I woke up. My wife was asleep next to me in bed, so I guess it kind of worked. 


Sunday, 7 September 2014

Taser & deodorant

I was mostly at work last night and my wife's supervisor Ben had given me a taser gun, which I knew I shouldn't have but took it hoping to use it on someone. I headed off down a long corridor to go outside and try out my new toy. 

As I walked the corridor I saw ahead of me dozens of men and women in suits. They had guns protruding from their jackets and I instantly knew they were secret service or MI5 or simular. In the middle of these very serious looking people was work colleague Faz. He was wearing jeans and a T shirt. 

As I walked past him I pinched his bottom and wolf whistled. Faz totally ignored me and pretended I wasn't there. I carried on walking disappointed by this. 
I was next back upstairs in the office where Ben was and Sarah was sat at her desk eating a bowl of cereal. 

I pulled out a can of deodorant and sprayed her in the face with it. She started choking asking me why I'd done that. I laughed and walked away, then remembered I still had the taser. I then dismissed using it on Sarah and left the office with her still coughing. 

Lastly I was in my mums living room and I'd received a brown boxed package. I carefully opened it and it contained brown coloured Doctir Martin boots. I removed all the packing and then realised I needed black boots for work. I tried to re package them but they just wouldn't fit back in the box. 


Saturday, 6 September 2014

Driving lesson

I was a driving instructor and my pupil was my good friend Matt. He was very nervous but apart from that was doing very well. 

Matt looked in his rear view mirror and noticed my work supervisor Mike running behind the car. Upon seeing this Matt accelerated and started driving as if he was getting away from someone who was going to kill him. 

After miles of high speed driving, skids, twists and turns, Matt pulled up the hand break and checked his mirror again. Mike had gone. 

I then looked over at Matt who had a bowl of soapy water on his lap and had his hands in the water. He pulled out an i phone and began washing it. 

I laughed at him telling him that his phone would be ruined. I stopped laughing when I saw it was my phone. 


Friday, 5 September 2014


I was chatting away to people, not sure who they were, they all seemed very attentive to my words. As I rambled on I noticed that their eyes had become wider and their glance had moved slightly to my right. 

I continued talking but glanced over and saw that my right arm was laying on the floor. Without interrupting my speech, I bent down and picked up my arm with my still connected left one and attempted to pop it back in its socket. 

It appeared to stay in place and as I chatted on I again noticed my audiences attention to my right once again. I looked over and once again my arm was on the floor! 


Thursday, 4 September 2014

Toilet break

I put my head on the pillow last night and my lights were out instantly as usual. I could the hear the distant echo of a song but couldn't distinguish the words or tune as I fell deeper into my slumber.

I was then standing before the toilet pan and desperate to pee. I just stood there looking down without doing anything but becoming in greater need to wee. 

After what seemed ages I opened my eyes and saw my wife bringing me a cup of tea. It was morning and six hours had passed in the blink of an eye. 


Wednesday, 3 September 2014


In conjunction with an adverts jingle, I dreampt that my wife was trying out reclining chairs. As a direct result of hearing a tune for the Peterborough Recliner Centre, (free plug there on me), I saw my wife in a large furniture show room. 

The power of advertising really does work. Not that I am rushing out to buy a reclining armchair any time soon. 


Tuesday, 2 September 2014

Cash machine

I was inside a ATM or I was the cash machine, I couldn't tell which. I was looking out at the people as they withdrew money, as if I was seeing it through a CCTV camera. 

Andy from work appeared in my view and punched in his pin code.  He asked for one hundred pounds and the cash draw opened. Andy held up the draw with one hand and took the cash with the other. When he had the money he noticed more money at the back. 

Still holding open the draw, he kept grabbing more money and put it in his pocket. He looked around him to make sure no one had seen and made good his escape. Running around the corner he was laughing. 

Out of sight Andy took out the cash and counted his prize which amounted to a thousand pounds. Happy with his free money he walked off stil laughing. 


Monday, 1 September 2014

Billy Scott burglar

I was taking a written test that involved some maths questions also. I was getting very frustrated as I normally do with any kind of exam. I hadn't been able to complete it in time and a man snatched my paper from me while I was still writing. 

He held it up and laughed, saying I couldn't spell and his five year old child could do better. I could feel a mix of anger and embarrassment boiling up in me. I was either going to hit him or just run away from the situation. In the end, my dream changed to another scene and I was very glad of it. 

I was in a house and saw someone tip toeing around ahead of me. He had on a black eye mask, a black and white vertical striped top on and was carrying a large sack with the word 'Swag' on it. A stereotypical burglar. 

I crept behind him and put my hand on his shoulder and shouted, "Got ya!"  A very startled Scott from work looked around at me. I was shocked and said I couldn't believe he was a burglar. Scott said, "I'm not a burglar, what makes you think that?" 


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