Tuesday, 30 June 2015

Robot dog

I started off by being at a party held in a big hall. It was being hosted by one of my bosses from work called, Dom. He explained it was very important that it went smoothly. 

I decided to just sit in the background and not get involved, that was until Dom received a phone call and rushed out saying that the Queen needed his help and that I was now in charge of the party. 

Instead of just leaving the party to run its course, I introduced a robot version of my dog, Humbug. He was able to sing and dance and play music from his ears which were speakers. 

I took the party into the roof of the building and robot Humbug danced the night away. I was watching him moon walk when I was suddenly in my mums living room. 

It was dark and I looked out of the window and saw a car stop outside. I saw the number plate just had the letter Q on it. 
I shouted out, "Mum, mum, I think the Queen is here". 


Monday, 29 June 2015


I was hiding in carpark to a large warehouse type building, watching the entrance door. The area around the building was deserted and I was well hidden in a bush. The door opened and a lone female exited the building, I watched her cross the empty carpark. 

When I was sure no one was around I ran at speed, approaching her from behind sliently. I pounced and knocked her to the floor, before she could react I held a knife to her throat. The woman remained perfectly still with fear as the cold blade touched her skin. I then heard someone shout, "Cut! That's a wrap". 
We both stood up and smiled happy that the scene of the film we were making had gone well. 

I was next walking along an extremely narrow footpath that had woods to one side and wire fence on the other. There was barely enough room to pass and I had to turn sideways in some parts to get through. It was night and very dark. 

I was ankle deep in dried leaves too and these were making it hard to walk. I decided that the best way to clear them would be to set fire to them which I did. I instantly regretted this decision as the flames lapped up around me and spread at a ferocious rate. 

I started to run to escape my foolish mistake and the flames seemed to be chasing me. At I got further along the footpath I came across wooden boards that were leaning against the trees. I had to pull them out with me to be able to get through the gap. I woke before I either escaped or was burnt alive. 


Sunday, 28 June 2015

Musical football

I had attended a large concert hall with my wife to watch a musical, no idea what it was about and we sat in our seats in anticipation. I went to get us some food and found myself walking along dark corridors where women were cooking on industrial sized ovens. 

I returned to my wife unsuccessful in locating any food and found that we were now in the middle of a football pitch. A whistle blew and a game started around us, we sat in our seats in the centre circle and the match went on around us. Every now and again I was able to flick my foot out and kick the ball when it was close. 

Next I was in some kind of yard and had found a huge church bell on the floor and could see that it was once connected to a frame that hung from a stable door. I set about attempting to re mount the bell when my boss from work appeared. 
He asked me what I was doing and I explained that I required a few parts in order to repair the bell. He went off to get some money for me after agreeing to fund the work. 

When he returned he told me that the bell was once called the Wiveton Bell and handed me £5.25 and a lottery ticket. He said if the ticket won I'd have lots of cash for repairs. 

The Wiveton Bell is a pub in Wiveton, Norfolk. I can highly recommend it. 


Saturday, 27 June 2015

Dickie Davies sings Ed Sheeran

I shut my eyes last night and was immediately faced with a scorpions tail in front of my face. It raised up about to strike it's venom into my eye and I shot up in bed with a start. 

I think I then slept the remainder of the night until just before waking up when I saw former World of Sport presenter Dickie Davies. I could see him on the TV but it didn't sound like him. 

I continued to watch and saw that he was actually singing an Ed Sheeran song and sounded just like him. I can't recall the song. 


Friday, 26 June 2015

Inner search

Not sure why I'm dreaming about myself so much recently. When I say myself, I mean either meeting myself or finding dead parts of me in the street. 

Last night I was looking at the naked upper torso of myself. I couldn't see a head or limbs, but I was so close to my own chest, my line of vision was limited. 

After what seemed like ages, I pulled my chest apart with both my hands like moving a set of curtains. I then poked my head inside my own chest. It was totally black. 


Thursday, 25 June 2015

Severed me

A slightly odd dream last night. I was walking along the street and up ahead of me on the floor I noticed what looked like a dead body. Upon closer inspection I saw that it was the naked upper torso of a man, the arms and head were still attached to the body but the legs were missing. 

Severed from the waist, the entrails, veins and blood vessels hung from the torso. When I looked at the body closer, I saw that it was actually me, I was very dead. So there I stood, over my legless dead body in the street pondering what to do. 

I picked up my torso, attached the severed end its waist to my waist, so that the corpse was horizontal and started to walk. As I made my way along the street, I held onto the corpse around its waist and it then came to life. 

The servered version of me began to wave its arms in the air and was making eerie moaning sounds. I broke into a run and headed at people scaring them like a grotesque Siamese twin from a very weird horror movie. 


Wednesday, 24 June 2015

Chair man

I had found a man walking on the street and decided that he was mad. I had absolutely no grounds to support this as he was behaving perfectly normally. I ushered the man into a hospital and presented him to the nursing staff. 

I was called into a back office by a nurse who wanted me to explain why I'd bought this poor man into the hospital. I could only go with a gut feeling and was failing to convince the nurse. As I was attempting to further my reasoning, the nurse pointed out that I was totally nude, I looked down at myself and confirmed that I was butt naked. 

I went back out to the man who was happily chatting to other people and was about to leave when he transformed into a folding wooden chair before my eyes. I rushed back to the nurse and bought her out to see. She, surprisingly was now happy that the man was mad due to his ability to change into an item of furniture. 

I walked out of the hospital with a huge beaming smile, happy that I was right all along. I was still completely naked. 


Tuesday, 23 June 2015

Dead babies & Smarties ice cream

Along with my wife we had entered a small apartment and discovered a female and a baby. Both were dead and looked like they had been for some time. I covered the baby over with a blanket and then it suddenly flew up into the air and the baby landed on the floor. It had come back to life. 

My wife handed the baby to me told me to take care of it while she stayed and waited for the parent of the dead woman to arrive. I left the appartment carrying the baby and it was laughing and very happy. 
I arrived at my place of work, which was a large cellar. I put the baby in a corner somewhere and forgot about it. 

I had arrived at lunch time and queued at the canteen. When I got to the front the choice for lunch was ice cream sprinkled with Smarties or ice cream on its own. Tha was a no brainier and I piled up my bowl with Smarties. I sat down to eat and felt someone behind me pushing my chair. 

Whén I looked it was Sonia from work, she said she couldn't get past and asked me to move my chair. I stood up so that she could get by, but before I could move my chair, Sonia walked past laughing, "Only joking, just wanted you to get up". When I sat down my bowl of Smarties ice cream had vanished! 


Monday, 22 June 2015

Carriage theft

Looking back over my dreams, there is one of many reoccurring themes that enter my head. One being that I see trains a great deal, mainly travelling on on and they are both underground and overground ones. 

Last night I was kind of dreaming about a train carrage but I couldn't see it because it had been stolen. I was very upset and amazed that someone had managed to remove it. It was just a train carriage and not the engine, I appeared to live in it and so basically, my home had been taken. 

I could see lots of different people standing around where my carriage had been and I was pretty sure they all knew something about its disappearance but couldn't prove anything. I woke before my dream was concluded this morning so will never know the outcome. 


Sunday, 21 June 2015

Shot put & murder

I was walking in a sports field and noticed that my left wrist was horribly deformed, it had a massive lump and was twisted out of shape. As I walked along a white painted line, I saw someone through a shot put. 

I grabbed a shot in my right hand, took up the correct position and hurled it with the energy I could muster. It went further than everyone else and I was pronounced World campion. I was really impressed that I was the best in the World until I was informed that I was the best disabled shot putter. 

Lastly I was along with three other men, going into a hospital to kill nurses. We had all dressed as female nurses to gain access unnoticed and had each picked a victim. I held the hand of an elderly nurse and led her towards a toilet door. 

Unbeknown to me the nurse was actually already dead having been previously murdered in the very toilet I was taking her to. As we approached the door, she froze and started shouting, "Murderer!!!!" With the unwanted attention I turned and fled the hospital. 


Saturday, 20 June 2015

Leather Land Rover & duels

I was in a massive warehouse with my wife and suspended from the ceiling like an aeroplane in a museum, were two Land Rover style jeeps. One was normal size but made completely from black leather and the other was as if it was child toy car size. 

They hung side by side and my wife instructed me to climb up into the larger vehicle and take the hand brake off. I protested that it wouldn't do anything but she was very insistent. I climbed up high, hanging from the rafters and dropping into the leather jeep. I released the handbrake, nothing happened. 

I was next walking ahead of my wife as she rode a horse through a city street. It afforded us many a strange look but we continued as if it was an everyday occurrence. 

Lastly I was in a field outside of two caravans, there was a woman sat on a chair that I didn't know. I was informed by the female that I was about to take part in a duel using old fashioned pistols. The pistols required charging with gunpowder and I'd only get the one shot. 
I asked where my opponent was and was informed that he was in one of the caravans, preparing his gun.

I then started to think that if I had a sniper plotted up with a high powered rifle, I could get him to fire when I shoot my gun and kill him with a bullet to the head. I even thought that the bullet would pass straight through his skull thus covering up my cheating. 
I woke before putting my plan into action.  


Friday, 19 June 2015

Party pooper

I was in a house with a huge open plan dining room that had a table at the centre of it. Along with my wife was our good friend and neighbour Lou.  Lou was singing and said about having a party, I thought this was a great idea and placed an old vinyl record on top of my head. 

The record started to spin on my head and began playing some reggae music, the more it span the bigger it became, ending up with it being about ten feet in diameter. I bopped up and down to the beat and the record wobbled and flapped around my body. 

I was so caught up in the music that I hadn't noticed that the party had been gate crashed and the house was full of people. I stopped dancing and set about asking them all to leave. Everyone was receptive to my request and began to shuffle out the front door. 

One man however stopped in the doorway and was standing still drinking a glass of whisky. He was preventing anyone else from getting out, I approached him and asked him politely to leave. He looked at me and snarled, "And what you going to do about it if I don't!" 

I smiled and calmly and expertly karate chopped the side of his neck causing him to drop to the floor instantly. I closed the front door and returned to the party. 


Wednesday, 17 June 2015

Superhero swimmers

I was in a swimming pool, it was indoors and was very long but not wide at all. I was in my wife's dressing gown and stood in the pool up to my waist. 

Thinking I had the pool to myself I fell asleep, happy and content at the warm feeling from the water around me. I opened one eye as I heard voices. 

When I looked there was a line of people walking around the edge of the pool. Everyone of them was dressed as a superhero. There were Spidermen, Supermen and Wonder women. 

Unhappy at my peace being shattered I got out of the water and left the room. I found myself in a room where a wedding reception was being held. There was a huge round table in the centre of the room piled high with cakes and sweets. 

As I went grab a slice of my favourite fruit cake, a guy barged into me and grabbed the lot with both hands. He ran off laughing. 

I then woke up in the shower with water flowing over my head. I stepped out and realised I was fully dressed. When I went to take off my wet clothing, I saw that I was in one of my wife's dresses. 


Tuesday, 16 June 2015

Slow motion

I was with my friend Kallum and another male I didn't recognise, Kallum had pulled up in a convertible red sports car and then he and the other male had climbed in the back of the car. 

I got in the vacant drivers seat and started to drive. As I pulled away, everything and everyone around me was moving in slow motion. Given that the people and other cars were going so slow I could easily manovuor the sports car around them. 

Inside the car however, everything was normal speed to my rear seat passengers and they gasped at how dangerous I was driving. Knowing this I deliberately got closer to people and easily steered around them. 

From their view, I was going at full speed and driving like a lunatic. I laughed out loud as I swerved around everything as Kallum screamed in the back. 


Monday, 15 June 2015

Presidential assignation & killer robots

I was on the top floor of skyscraper and had witnessed an American President being assinated by being shoot on the street below. I don't know who the president was. 

I looked up at the roof of the building I was in and saw that at the very top of it was a remote rifle aimed at the street below. I couldn't reach it and so I sent a drone to it. 

I positioned it hoovering over the rifle and remote arms came out and started to dismantle the gun. As this happened, hundreds of bolts started to flip open on the roof top releasing robots that were hidden in the roof flooring. 

It was at this point that I realised that by tampering with the rifle, I had tripped a booby trap that released killer robots intent on wiping out humanity.  

Before I could stop it from happening, I was enclosed in a metal box with no doors or windows, it wrapped around me in enclosing me in a metal casket.  


Sunday, 14 June 2015

Talk to the animals

I had entered a lunatic asylum and I was in search of someone in particular. As I wandered around the place it was very apparent that all the inmates were animals. 

Mainly horses and dogs, but I saw a few cats and the odd rodent scurrying around. I approached a big black coloured horse and was sat on its backside with its front legs straight. 

I said to it, "I'm looking for Phill Hines, do you know where I can find him?"
The horse looked sad and replied, "He is my boss, I'll give you his address". 

As the horse continued to talk to me the other animals clearly upset that he was giving me the information, turned their backs on him. I heard the odd cry of 'Grass', from one or two of the other horses. 


Saturday, 13 June 2015

Zammo to Bodie

There was me thinking I was dreaming less and then I had the following dream. 

I was walking towards my mums house, it was dark and the floor was covered in snow. It had turned to ice after becoming slush and then re freezing again. 

As I walked along I saw a female ahead of me with a young girl ahead of her. I noticed that I was dressed in a school blazer and black trousers. Not only that, I appeared to be Zammo from the original Grange Hill TV series. 

The woman got into a car and I couldn't see her face and tried to get a glimpse of her. As I approached the car I realised that she wouldn't be very impressed by a schoolboy, especially one with a drug habit. 

I turned away and transformed in Bodie from The Professionals, complete with huge shirt collar and 1970's leather jacket. I leaned into the car window and switched on my best charm. 

The last part, which was rudely interrupted by my alarm, I'm not going into. But safe to say that my charm certainly worked. 


Friday, 12 June 2015

I have nothing to say

Yet again I have had a full nights sleep without dreaming. Although I could get used to this, it doesn't make very interesting reading. 


Thursday, 11 June 2015


Not sure if I'm so relaxed lately that I'm actually sleeping deeper and therefore not dreaming as much, but another very brief recollection from last night. 

I was in my greenhouse and there was an abundance of ripe red tomatoes ready to be picked. Instead of harvesting the ample crop, I spent an age carefully measuring each one. I recorded each andevery tomato in a book. Odd. 


Wednesday, 10 June 2015


Nothing more to my dream other than I was orange. Completly, from head to toe, I was the colour orange. 
I held out my hands in front of my face and rotated them to inspect the colour. Glancing down at my body and legs, they two were orange. I didn't have any clothes on. 


Tuesday, 9 June 2015

Mum's & Monkees

I spent my night searching for my mums house, it was night time and I was in the right area but just couldn't locate the house. Every time I thought I'd found it, the door number was wrong and I had no idea where I was. 

Whilst walking from house to house I started to well up and tears rolled down my cheeks. I was becoming ever more upset as I couldn't find her house and was totally lost. 

As I woke from this I could hear the Monkees theme tune, 'Hey hey we're the Monkees'. I'm still singing it now. 
It was a hit way back in 1967. 


Monday, 8 June 2015

Cheese prison

Nothing more to my dream than being in a room made of cheese. Walls, ceiling and floor were all solid cheese, I could see no door or windows and no way out. 

There was no other items in the room and I was trapped in a yellow prison. 


Sunday, 7 June 2015

Cup holders extraordinaire

I was in a train and it was night time, the only other people on board with me, were my neighbour Bill and friend Lee Ann. We each had an individual seat, not dissimilar to those bed seats you get on a first class air flight. 

I opened a compartment and and electronic cup holder glided out, I then watched as a cup dropped into it and started filling with fresh coffee. This was fantastic and if this wasn't enough, another compartment opened and produced chocolate biscuits. 

I looked up wanting to show my travelling companions, but they had vanished. I realised I needed the toilet and so got up to locate the lavatory. I reached a door but it had no handle, I looked over the whole door and frame but couldn't see anything. 

Then a red laser beem scanned my eye and the door glided open into the wall. Stepping inside I saw a very plushly decorated toilet. I stood about to pee and woke up actually needing to pee.
One day I'll wet myself I'm sure, maybe as I get older and lose control a bit. That's a cheery thought!  


Saturday, 6 June 2015


The first part of my dream was totally X rated and as usual I'm not sharing this. 

The second part which was interrupted by two excited dogs jumping on my bed, was brief but amusing. 
I was at work and the first floor office where I normally sit had been cleared of all the desks, leaving a huge open space.  There was no one else in the room and the only furtinture was an office chair on wheels. 

The temptation was too much to bare and I jumped on it and started shooting across the floor, nothing was propelling me, it was zooming around of its own accord. This was great fun and I shouted. "Wheee" as I glided. 


Friday, 5 June 2015

Slim spitter

I was standing next to rap master, Eminem who had a microphone in his hand. He began to rap into the mic but was getting so passionate and into it, he was spitting. The spit was flying everywhere and hit me in the face. 

I tried to walk away but he followed me around emphasising every word with venom causing more spit to fly into my face. I wasn't happy. 

I was next walking along a sea front when my younger sister started to approach me, I didn't look at her as I thought she wasn't going to talk to me but she handed me a plastic Costa coffee cup. 
I took it, it was half full of black coffee. I then dropped it on the floor. 

Annoyed at my clumsiness, I picked it up and not a drop was spilt. There was no lid on the cup and I have no idea why the contents didn't come out. 

I've dreampt of Eminem lots of time now, odd. 


Thursday, 4 June 2015

One to one

A short recollection from last night. I was in a classroom along with one of my neighbours called Simon. 

He was standing in front of a flip chart and was giving me one to one tuition. I was sat in a small plastic chair like a child's school seat. 

Simon was talking and I could hear him but I just wasn't listening. It was just white noise and as I usually do when I'm awake, in a classroom environment, I fell asleep. 

I was then asleep, dreaming that I was asleep. I think. 


Wednesday, 3 June 2015

Ice man

I spent what appeared to be most of my nights sleep, walking in ice. It was a frozen river and I carefully trod on the ice listening to to crack under my weight. I starred intently down at my feet as cracks shot from under my boots like lightning streaks across the ice. 

I was totally confident that the frozen water wouldn't break, and I somehow knew it would hold me. I didn't once look up from my feet and had no idea where I was. 


Tuesday, 2 June 2015

Jazz Bishop

Sat in a semi circle around my mums living room was a group of jazz singers. Led by a Bishop in a full purple robe, they were playing various instruments and singing. Not being the greatest fan of jazz music, I pretended to enjoy it by clapping, so to not upset the Bishop. 

When they stopped I applauded them and a woman unfolded a letter she had in her hand and announced it was a reading that I had written. She began to speak but it was poorly written and I began to feel very embarrassed that I was being highlighted for my poor gramma. 

The woman stopped reading and ushered me over to her. I went over and she put her mouth to my ear and started to rub my arm. She said, "This really is rubbish my dear". I felt even worse and tried to walk away but she gripped my arm preventing me from leaving. 

The feeling of shame and awkwardness was overwhelming and I just wanted the ground to swallow me up but I couldn't escape. 


Monday, 1 June 2015

BMW hater

Seem to have a car theme going on, because once again I was at a car sales showroom, this time looking to buy. I was at my local dealer and had spotted a Ford Fiesta that I wanted, it had no wheels and a door missing but the salesman said if I came back later it would be all sorted. 

I did return, only to find the car in the same condition as when I'd last seen it. I questioned this with the salesman who said that he didn't think I was coming back so didn't bother fixing it. He then told me he had a BMW I could have. 

I declined saying that there was no way I could ever have one as I am a BMW hater. He looked very confused at this and told me to go and look else where. 

Next I was sat in the drivers seat of a red Farrei and was cruising along the sea front in the Lincolnshire town of Skegness. I stopped the car and approached a front door next to some shops. I had a key and let myself in. 

Upstairs was a flat where I found my older sister hoovering and cleaning. She said hi and carried on cleaning. 

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