Monday, 31 August 2015

Interactive movie

I was with my good friend Matt and we were watching a movie, it wasn't that interesting and involved a moody looking guy who was trying to talk to his teenage daughter. Matt was happy enough, it was a film after all and that makes him happy. 

I noticed the guy in the film was trying to rescue another teenage girl from something, I wasn't that bothered, I wasn't until I found that I was actually in the movie and the guy got me to carry the girl while his daughter held his hand. We all got into a car. 

The car was a low sports car and I was in the back with the other three in the front, there were two passenger seats in the front. As I looked into the front of the car, I could see the closing titles to the film rolling down the windscreen. 

I turned around and looked out of the back window, in the distance I could see Matt looking very puzzled. I shrugged my shoulders at him and he shouted, "There's a second film out next year". This seemed to make sense. 


Sunday, 30 August 2015

Rent a whore

I had an enterprise going on last night, I was earning hard cash by renting out rooms for prostitution. I wasn't supplying the whores, that was the responsibility of the people renting the room. I was making sure the rooms were ready and then went outside. 

I was approached by my work supervisor, Derren who was using my facilities. I noticed he was being followed by two black men in suits. As they got behind Derren I calmly walked up behind them and shot them both in the back of their heads with a pistol. They dropped dead instantly. 

Derren looked very shocked at this and was about to run away. I said to him, 'I'll tidy this, you carry on with your business.'
Derren continued and was followed into a room by a blonde woman in high heels and a short skirt. 


Saturday, 29 August 2015

Ear today

Quite simple last nights dreaming. My right ear exploded and the shock of it woke me up. After a quick check to find it still on my head, I went back to sleep again. 

Just before morning, it happened again, the right ear went with a bang, catapulting across the room and dragging me out of my sleep. 


Friday, 28 August 2015

Always the last to know

So you're in love with someone else
Someone who burns within your soul
And it looks like I am the last to know
I hear you've never felt so alive
So much desire beyond control
And as usual I am the last to know

The 1992 song from Del amitri is all I have floating around in my head this morning.  Annoying. 


Thursday, 27 August 2015

Ass kicking

I was at work and my colleague, Danger was sat at a table oppersite me, I'd sent him an e mail, mainly because I didn't want to talk to him. He stood up and shouted across the room basically questioning why I just didn't talk to him instead. 

When he stood up, he didn't have his glasses on and looked so different that I was doubting if it was actually him. As I looked at him, I could see his lips moving but could hear him. 

I then left the room and ran up a set of wooden stairs, they were very loud as I assented them. I needed the toilet, fairly desperately that I ran as fast as I could. I pushed open the toilet door, stood at a urinal and just as I was about to releive myself, a lad pushed me. 

I moved across the room and nearly started to pee on myself. I looked around and the lad had a smile on his face, very pleased with his prank. I, on the other hand, wasn't impressed. I then set about beating him to a pulp. I gave him such a kicking, he was left lifeless and bleeding on the toilet floor. 

I then woke up needing the toilet. 


Wednesday, 26 August 2015

Pooh pick flick

Making up for the previous nights absence of dreams, last night felt longer than the Lord of the rings trilogy. I have actually woke up with a headache this morning. 

Starting off I was in a field with my horses, not their usual paddock and it had a brick wall surrounding it. I was walking around pooh picking, which is as it sounds, me removing the field of horse pooh. I only had a long handled scoop and no barrow. 

Every time I collected up some horse pooh, I expertly flicked it from the centre of the field and over the wall. I did this for ages never missing. 

I was next near to a weir with small children standing on the rapidly flowing water as if they were standing on a solid floor. They laughed and played happily, never losing balance or getting wet. 

I was next in my mums kitchen, but how it used to be years ago, with a pantry and narrow galley style. Packed into the room with me were my wife and friends Lou and Sally. I was trying to make a sandwich whilst Lou and Sally were preparing for a dinner party. 

At the end of the kitchen was a huge dining table, I looked at it and wondered how it fitted into mums kitchen and then realised the wall had been taken down and the bathroom removed to accommodate the table. 

I tried to sit at the table but Lou shouted at me to get out because her guests were arriving soon. I stepped out into the garden and noticed what I can only describe as a poorly home made conservatory. It didn't have a roof and the wooden frame was coming away from the wall. 

Sally popped out from the kitchen and placed a grey parrot onto my shoulder, she then jumped up and gripped the conservatory roof bar and began swinging on it like she was an Olympic gymnastics star. 
The frame instantly collapsed and the conservatory was destroyed. 

From this I was sat in a very narrow room at the back of a sweet shop. The shop owner was attempting to copy some CCTV for us, he wasn't succeeding. While we waited, we helped ourselves to his sweets. 

I looked around and where there had previously been a wall directly behind me, there was now a theatre. Rows of seats panned out before me, leading to a stage, the lights came on and the audience applauded. 

When I focused on the stage, I saw that it was my mums kitchen with Lou and Sally sat at the dining table entertaining guests for dinner. 


Tuesday, 25 August 2015

Sound affects

Nothing other than some strange noises as I drifted to sleep last night, all of which turned out to be from my wife finding sound effects on Google. With the sole intention of trying to amuse herself by attempting to influence my dreams. 

It failed anyway, I woke up to my dog asking to be let out for a wee. I slept the entire night, dream free, sometimes it happens and it give my brain a rest for once. 


Monday, 24 August 2015

Electric teenagers

Along with my wife I was in a street square with a massive open space in the centre. Sat in the middle of this was Cameron my step Grandson, he pushed down a huge handle. 

When he did this it caused an electrical spark that shot along the floor like a bolt of lightning and hit the buildings at the far end of the square. 

The sparks shot up the walls and back down to the floor. They multiplied and hundreds of blue sparks headed out along the ground, hitting people standing in the street. 

As they were hit by the electrical sparks, they all turned into children. We watched the sparks heading at us but were unable to move fast enough. We were hit and changed into teenagers. 

As we walked into the street, my wife was excited as she saw her old school friends. I was upset because I had grown up somewhere else and knew no one. I saw Cameron who was now a little boy again. 

I said hello to him but he didn't know me, I told him he will meet me later in life. As I watched everyone meeting old friends and hugging the sudden realisation that I was about 14 again hit me. 

I thought that my dad would be alive and I'd get to see him again. I burst into tears, happy tears of joy. My wife asked me what was wrong. I told her and we hugged. 

I woke up at this point and I was actually crying. Then I realised that I wouldn't be seeing my dad. 
I miss him. 


Sunday, 23 August 2015

Banana cake

I saw a strange little man, he was very short but bent over which made him look even smaller. His face was disfigured and had lumps all over it. He had a cheeky grin. 

He asked me for a banana cake and smiled and entered the front door to my mums house. I went in search of banana cake. 

The man shouted out to me that I needed to turn the mains water supply off in mums house so that he could then eat his cake. I didn't question him. 


Saturday, 22 August 2015

Kill Bill

I was entering a house with my neighbour Bill, and as we approached the front door to the house, a Chinese woman came out. She was smiling and laughing at nothing that we could see, she then fixed her eyes on Bill and walked up to him. 

Before I could speak, the woman had stabbed Bill through the chest with a knife and caught his dead body as he dropped. She backed stepped, dragging Bill into the house and slammed the door shut. 

As a result of this myself and my wife decided to hunt the Chinese woman down and get revenge for the untimely death of Bill. We both entered the house, which was dark and cold, slowly and silently creeping around, we tried to track Bill's killer. 

After hours of searching, we gave up and left the house. As we walked away I heard the woman laughing. 


Friday, 21 August 2015

Hectors gang

I have woken this morning with a song in my head and after nearly two hours of being up, it's still playing over and over. This often happens with the song coming from nowhere. 

Today it is the 2004 song from Morrissey, 'First of the gang to die'. 


Thursday, 20 August 2015

Slam dunk

I was in a high street lined with shops, it was a bright sunny day and there were lots of people and cars about. I was on one side of the street but about ten feet in the air, just floating. 

Above every shop doorway was a basketball hoop. I then watched several youths running up the street bouncing a basketball. They jumped up and lept high above the shops and the hoops and easily slam dunked the balls into the nets.  


Wednesday, 19 August 2015


No idea what happened last night. I shut my eyes and opened them again and it was morning. I checked my phone and the note I'd made was Q. 
I don't even remember doing it? 


Tuesday, 18 August 2015

Wrestle mania

I was dreaming that I was awake and was writing notes about my dreams. Infact I wrote nothing because it was all in my head. I did however, after this dream that I was at my mums house. 

I was in the living room which had been turned into a wrestling ring. There was a slight gap around the edge of the ropes, but apart from that, the ring filled the room. I stood outside of the ring as inside a wrestle mania slam down was taking place. I think that's what it's called?

There were about ten men all dressed in Lycra leotards and they were throwing and slam dunking each other, it was very chaotic and I was almost landed on serveral times by flying wrestlers. 

I woke up and checked my phone for notes. It was blank. 


Monday, 17 August 2015

The promotion ladder

I was very aware that I needed to pee, as it kept interrupting my dreaming. I was late for work and was running around the house in a panic but knew I needed the toilet before I could leave the house. 

I woke up, acknowledged I needed to go and fell back to sleep again. 
I was then trying to play football but using a strand of cottoned the ball, this was virtually impossible and I kept tripping over. 

Lastly, I was actually at work and one of my supervisors called Mike approached me. He told me he was waiting to be promoted and that if the boss came in, he will be promoted to inspector. 

He left and told me to keep my eyes open for the boss and said if I missed him he wouldn't get promoted. I then once again wanted the toilet. 

As I ran out of work for the toilet I passed the boss on his way in. I thought as I left that that was Mike's promotion hopes ended. 


Sunday, 16 August 2015

Cruising drunk

I have dreampt about being on a cruise ship on a few occasions, travelling seems to be a common theme. Along with my wife, I was on board ship in our cabin and Mick, a friends dad was sat on a wooden chair. 

He seemed fine and was chatting away to us, until be suddenly switched from being a sober pleasant man, to being drunken and abusive. He was swearing and making threats to punch us. 
I calmly slid open the patio door to the balcony and pushed Mick outside, shutting and locking the door firmly.  

I was then standing on a bridge that overlooked a river below me. Two teenage kids walked past me and were saying that they were going to kill a man called Rick. When they had moved away from me, I looked over the edge of the bridge, far below was a man with a dog. 

I called out, "Hey Rick, watch out, they are coming for you". The man below looked up at ,me and waved an acknowledgment at me. He jumped onto a boat, followed by his dog and sailed off, away from any potential harm. 


Saturday, 15 August 2015


I have no other memory other than of myself walking around in my underpants. I seem to have spent all my dream time with this image, I woke up and racked my brain this morning, but that's all I have. 

Friday, 14 August 2015

Night nurse

I spent a very long time baking a cake last night, I was watching it cook through the glass door of the oven. Alł the time I was watching it, I was aware I needed to pee but could go because the cake would drop and be a flop if I left it. 

I popped it out and write with my finger on the top, as I moved my finger over it, icing came out of the tip of my finger. I wrote, 'To the Nightnurse, enjoy from Maximus'. 


Thursday, 13 August 2015

Black dog

I was watching a plumber install a new toilet into my house, he had almost completed and was doing some final checks. For some reason he had replaced all the pipe work but left the old pipes in place. Both sets of piping were on show and looked hideous. 

I was about to say something to him when I found I was suddendly looking at a family photo album in front of me. The pictures were of members of my immediate family and each photo had a black dog sat next to them. We never had a dog as I grew up and the black dog in the photos was staring at the camera in each picture. 

As I flicked the pages, a shadow of a crane fell over the album and the started to lift up the photos. I couldn't make out how this happening and kept looking into the album. The black dog had disappeared from all the photos. 


Wednesday, 12 August 2015


Last night I drove home from work listening to music, the last track I heard was 'I'll be your man' by James Blunt. As I laid in bed I still had the song in my head. 

I then, with James still singing, reached down and opened my glovebox. Sat behind the CD case were two peaches. I looked at them for a while wondering how they got there, then started to think why was my glovebox in the bed. 

I stared at the peaches for a while trying to work out if I was asleep or not. I could still hear James Blunt singing, there were peaches in my glovebox but I was laying down. I opened my eyes and confirmed I was in bed. 


Tuesday, 11 August 2015

Armless adoption

My dream last night was one of those that felt so real, I actually started to believe it and was genuinely upset when I woke up. 
I was introduced to a small boy who was about 7 or 8 years old. I was told he was disabled, he had no arms past his elbows and that he has never spoken to anyone. A woman bought him into the room I was in and I sat down next to him. 

I started to chat away to him and after a while he smiled and began telling me his name and all about himself, the woman looked on in disbelief. I then began running around, playing and laughing with him for hours. I told the woman I would adopt him. 

After officially adopting the boy I got him a set of robotic arms, once fitted he could use them as if they were real. The first thing he did with them was to use them to hug me and thank me for adopting him. 

I opened my eyes this morning smiling but then the sudden realisation that it was a dream sadened me briefly. Then I remembered that my childless life is the way I like things. 


Monday, 10 August 2015

Coach trip

I was driving a coach, a big one, I'm estimating it was a 52 seater. As I drove along I suddenly felt a crushing sensation on my head, just as I tried to figure it out, the windscreen and roof of the coach started to bend towards me. 

The roof crushed and held me so that I couldn't move and I stopped driving and looked out of the side window. A fat young police officer was standing looking up at me, he had a red face and looked very nervous. 
He tried to start talking but got so flustered, he ran off in embarrassment. 

Lastly I was in house that my mum had converted from an office building into a house. She led me to a bedroom and told me there was a problem with the ceiling. Walking along the corridor, we past a toilet just sitting in the middle of the room. 

In the bedroom the ceiling was bowing down as if full of water. I pushed the lump and a pink beach ball  dropped out and the ceiling returned to its normal shape. 


Saturday, 8 August 2015

Posh frock

Just a brief recollection from last night, which involved me driving and crashing my car. Whilst driving I was attempting to cut a field of grass and so looked backwards to see if my car was cutting the grass. It wasn't, it's a car not a tractor. 

As I wasn't looking where I was going, I hit a lamppost and staggered out of my car, firstly amazed that there was a lamppost int he middle of a field and then secondly horrified at my now ruined car. As I surveyed the damage I saw neighbour, Alex standing watching me in disbelief. 

Alex was standing at the edge of the field in a long black ballgown, hardly the appropriate dress for where she was. After staring at me for ages, she turned and walked off. 


Friday, 7 August 2015

Bourbon monster

I was standing in an upstairs room, it looked like a house but could have been an office. As I stood looking around, something hit me on the head. Whatever it was landed at my feet, I looked down and saw a broken Bourbon biscuit. 

While I was still pondering this another one hit me, then another. I looked up at the direction they were coming from and saw a giant Bourbon biscuit with a face. 

It was at least 10 feet high, had arms and legs, it was laughing as it threw normal boubourn biscuits at me. It started to run towards me, still bombarding me with biscuits.

I ran away down some stairs, as I ran, biscuits still kept hitting me. I glanced back and the giant biscuit was still following me throwing mini versions of itself. 

I kept running with bourbons boncing off my head, I woke and wrote 'bourbons' on my phone. I went back to sleep but didn't dream any more. 


Thursday, 6 August 2015

Slippery slope

A little bit of a disturbing dream last night, I was in my mums walk in shower all night with a group of other people we were all naked and as soon as I realised this I tried to leave. I then saw that I was standing in a bath tub. 

As I tried to step out, I slipped and and fell onto my backside on the bottom of the bathtub. As I did this, other people slipped and fell on top of me. They squashed against me and we became so tightly packed together, we filled the tub like human water. 

I could then feel the heat of everyone's naked body parts against my body. It felt very uncomfortable being as one. 


Tuesday, 4 August 2015


Driving in my car, I was happy and content. I wasn't paying any particular attention to the road, I kept falling a sleeping and waking with a jolt to find myself still driving straight and do wasn't concerned. 

I shut my eyes once again and when I opened them, I was looking behind me. As I turned to face the direction I was driving, my car hit the central reservation at the same time. The bang sent me into total darkness. 

I seemed to know I was in a dream and therefore just decided I'd wake up and leave the silent darkness I now found myself in. I tried and tried to pull myself out of it but remained in the dark, I then found that my body wasn't responding to commands and I was paralysed. 

For what seemed hours I lay there unable to move. Eventually waking up as normal in the morning, only being released from the dark by waking. 


Monday, 3 August 2015


I was looking at a caravan that was parked up in a lay by near a city centre. I kept on looking at it, and looking at it. I did nothing else other than stare at the caravan. 

I was waiting for something to happen, I don't know what, but I didn't take my eyes from the caravan. Nothing happened. I woke before a conclusion was reached. 


Sunday, 2 August 2015

The story of the cream cheese monster

As I fell into my sleep last night I had a vision of a tub of cream cheese. I had been baking earlier in the day using cream cheese. 

As I had the vision, it transformed into a snarling monster, lifting up out of the tub and becoming an ugly looking beast. The shock of it made me open my eyes and pull me out of my slumber. 

Other than that, I don't have any other visual memory from the rest of the night other than waking with a song in my head. 

The song is 'The story of the blues' by Wah. A hit in 1982. 

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