Monday, 24 April 2017

People for dinner

I was moving into an apartment with my wife and was busy carrying boxes into rooms.
A man who I have never seen before was suddenly in the room with us.
He started to ask questions, which started off as inquisitive at first, but then he was just being too personal.

Unhappy with his line of questions I punched him in the face and then continued bringing in boxes.

I then saw the same man walking up some stone steps towards a court where he was about to attend.
At the top, a woman walked past him and the man grabbed her arm. He then produced an axe and chopped her hand clean off.

Holding her arm up in the air the man then started pulling veins and arteries out of her and then dropping them into his mouth like spaghetti.

He continued eating her innards until her body was just a empty bag of skin. He then discarded it like an empty paper bag.


Saturday, 8 April 2017

Earthquake miricle

Last night I was under house arrest for some reason. I was also disabled and in a wheelchair, unable to use my legs.

I was attempting to plot my escape by writing a plan on a white board but was clearly hampered by my lack of legs. My captors knew this and so where happy to leave me unattended.

Suddenly there was a huge earthquake that shook the entire house, I panicked and jumped out of my chair and ran up to the window and climbed out.

Somehow the earthquake had enabled me to walk again.
I strolled into a big hall where I knew my captors were to show off.

Clearly not thinking this through in my delight in being able to walk again as I was promptly apprehended again!


Thursday, 6 April 2017


I was totally and utterly lost in a big city, nothing looked familiar and I knew nobody.
I kept going up to people and asking for directions but as in my waking life, I forgot them the instant I was told them.

I went to a woman at a train station and she gave me a host of lefts and rights. I walked onto the street and just looked around me in despair.

A man approached me and I asked him if he could help me. He unrolled a poster and said, "I certainly can" 
The poster was a photo of me with a caption of 'This man has no sense of direction'  with a phone number at the bottom.

I knew instantly that my wife had created this knowing my appalling habit of getting lost.

The man rang the number on the poster and suddenly my dear departed nan and grandad appeared, both hugged me and I cried with happiness.


Friday, 31 March 2017

The end of civilisation.

I found myself in the conference hall of a large hotel complex. It was packed with thousands of people.
It had been announced that the end of the World was imminent and to save mankind any suffering, a global pact had been agreed whereby the entire population would end their own lives.

A woman in charge told the gathered people that we were indeed the last people on Earth, the rest of the World having already gone.
It was agreed that I could inject everyone a deadly and instant poison on the understanding that my wife and I were the very last of mankind to go.

An orderly queue formed and one by one the gathered people dropped like flies as soon as I stabbed a needle into them.
I looked over at my wife and we were the only two alive.

At this point I informed her that I intended all along not to end our existence, planning that we would live our lives free of the annoyance of other people.

We went to a hotel room and found that we wasn't alone, Howard Stern former American Idol judge was sat in a chair. He asked me to inject him which I did.
Nothing happened and Howard smiled at me and said, "must be all the drugs I take, I'm immune".

The door then opened and our friend Jayne and her daughter Laura came in and started washing up dishes in the sink.

At this point  needed to pee. I left the room and found a wastepaper bin which I started to fill. It got to the top and I still hadn't finished! This was the point I woke from my dream in need of the toilet.

Sunday, 19 March 2017

The child catcher

Standing at a wooden fence to a green field, I was holding a black umbrella that was folded shut.

I looked into the field beyond my and saw a small child running  away from my position, they looked rather panicked.

Just as they reached the far side I pushed the release button on the umbrella and it opened fully. The cover of it flew up into the air, leaving me holding the handle.

I watched as the flying umbrella shot across the field, hovered over the fleeing child and dropped onto it, closing up as did completely engulfing the child.

I ran across the field only to be called and stopped by the guy how used to play old man Steptoe from the 1970s show, Steptoe and Son.

He asked what I was doing and I explained that I was eradicating children. He looked horrified as I pointed the handle of the umbrella at the covered child and it disintegrated into an orange powder. 

Saturday, 18 March 2017

Jungle jam

A very tuneful dream last night that has left me feeling happy and content.

Along with my wife, I was deep in a tropical rain forest, it was hot and sticky and full of animal and bird sounds. We were stood next to a low hanging branch which had a row of small birds on it.

One of the birds was holding a small circular item in its beak which it dropped by my feet.
I picked it up and saw it was a tiny bongo drum.

I placed it at the birds feet and started to tap out a tune on it with two fingers. The little bird started to dance and seemed very happy.

From behind me I heard the sound of trumpets, and looked to see chimpanzees playing them.
One by one, other instruments started to join in.

There was a lion on keyboards, zebras on base and suddenly a group of doctors and nurses arrived and joined the fun.
The row of little birds danced and sang along.

I looked over at the doctors who all had white coats on and stethoscopes around their necks, they were playing xylophones and I noticed a city Street behind them and saw that I was actually in my own back garden.

Saturday, 4 March 2017


I woke up angry today. Mainly due to being very angry in my dream. There was a poor unfortunate man in my dream who took the full brunt of my anger.

This guy had done absolutely nothing that I could see to upset me, but this didn't stop me repeatedly punching him in the face.

I must of hit him about 20 times, each punch harder than the last. His face split open and started swelling. Every time I punched him I became even angrier.

It's no wonder I was a little miffed when I got up.

Friday, 3 March 2017

Cricket shooting

Ok so it's been a while and just because I haven't posted, doesn't mean I haven't stopped dreaming.

I was with my good friend Steve and we were both carrying our shotguns casually through a golf course.
None of the golfer's present seemed to notice us as we aimed at various birds and rabbits.

After a while I decided it was impossible to risk shooting for fear of hitting anyone.
We walked into an office building that overlooked the golf course.

On the first floor we opened a very small window and started shooting rabbits with none of our previous care for the occupants of the green.

As we fired, hundreds of rabbits looked up at us, momentarily they stopped eating grass and then just carried on with their food.

The golfers on the other hand were in a blind panic from coming under fire.

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